Married At First Sight Australia - Season 13 Part 1 (w/ Ash Flanders) Artwork

The Cringe is Real

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The Cringe is Real

Married At First Sight Australia - Season 13 Part 1 (w/ Ash Flanders)

February 05, 2026 • Sam Cremean

0:00 | 1:05:12

Welcome back to heterosexual HELL divas! MAFS correspondent Ash Flanders is back on the couch with Sam to dissect the first week of MAFS mayhem as well as a housewives chat AND we hear about Ash’s TV debut in ABC’s Dog Park. It's a loaded episode not for the faint of heart. These brides and grooms are meddling already with pranks and stunts galore this week as we kick off yet another round of TV torture.

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

This podcast was produced on the land of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation. Welcome to Australia. Someone who is such a connoisseur of reality television.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

So sorry about this. Oh my god. Is it filming?

SPEAKER_00 0:20

It is. It's a film. We roll it. Oh we roll it. Oh, sorry. Now we've got a director on set, everyone. Fresh from the dog park herself. Ashlanders, welcome back. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, you and Frieda now just have a little bond.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Well, look, I am king of the dog parks now. Well, I'm the queen of the dog park. I'm the only gay character in ABC's new show, Dog Park. Yeah. Uh-huh. I'm the homosexual on screen.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Can we talk about the glasses?

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Yeah, they didn't have to do it. They did it early on. They saw my face and went, glasses. Let's cover as much as possible. Yeah. And they cut my hair short, which now I just wear like that all the time. It's got like a mere pharaoh.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

And the baby strapped the baby.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Yes, baby Lulu. Yeah. I don't carry the baby everywhere, unlike on the show, where they refuse to let you forget that this gay man has a baby. Deal with it. 2026.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

And look, I'm only halfway through, so don't spoil. But it was very unclear who your partner was. I was like, what is going on here?

SPEAKER_02 1:19

I'm not going to spoil anything, but you do not my partner has not been a cast yet, so you're not going to meet my partner in the past.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Okay, I was trying to figure it out from who was there.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

No, and I want real stunt casting. Like I want like Milsey or something. Like I want something really funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

I thought there was gonna be a twist, and it is Brooke Satchwell. You're actually, yeah, she's the mother.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Well, she and I smoke a funny cigarette in episode three.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

I know that bit I was like, I know. Ash Flanders with Celia Pacola and Brooke Satchwell smoking a doobie.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

I know, having a fucking cigarette on the national on auntie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Calmed out ABC.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

I know, it was very hot, you know, fresh. Fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

No, I like it.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

40s, 44, and making his TV debut. Is there a sadder sentence in the world?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

It is painfully ABC, but in the best way. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

We are the woke agenda.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Totally. That lead guy. It's just like, oh, he's he's cranky. He's a cranky man. When's he gonna loosen up? But maybe he's gotta let some people in. Maybe he needs a little a little jazz cigarette. A little jazzy cigarette.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Yeah, or just have his uh anal glands expressed.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

That's a dog thing, right? It's not just for us.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yeah, Frida knows. What's up? But no, congrats. It's amazing. Thank you. I'm having a ball. I love, I live.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

I'm a TV star now, so I've had to change my phone number. Today I had a cousin reach out who I haven't heard of in so long. This was the first Facebook message they'd ever sent me, and I've been on Facebook for I'm guessing 20 years. Hang on, so Facebook? Facebook. Yeah, I'm still on Facebook. What are we doing? I'm still on it. I'm still on it. I'm on MySpace. No, um and you are gonna be in my top eight. But um no, I uh I heard from a cousin and I haven't heard from in forever. That's the power of television. I was like, oh hey, Ash. Hey, I watched all of it I binged all of Dog Park and just congratulations, man. That's awesome. And I'm like, blink and you'll miss me, cousin Rodney, but thank you.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Yeah, thank you so much. I thought the doobie scene was horrible. Oh, yeah, that's you're like a wise shaman character.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

I'm quite owl-like with the glasses on, too.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Owl meets Jeffrey Darmer.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

Yes. Yeah, happy, healthy, homosexual.

unknown 3:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

So please watch ABC 8 30 Sunday nights. Or just stream a little bit. Or just stream a whole, like I'm which, like, yeah, if you're under 50, you probably have just streamed the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Yeah. I do like that they do that, because who are we kidding? Like, just drop it. Yeah, just drop the whole thing. Especially when it's like 30-minute eps, people.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

And they're like, yeah, and they're like six Eps, and it's they fly, I have to say. Like, you forget the TV. Well, also, because we're about to get into it, but maths, like, I had to take a break in episode one because I had to do it over two days because it was just so much television.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

That's the correct way to view maths. Yes. It is just for good for your mental health to take it easy. Yeah. Just when you're ready, when you can deal with it. In your own time. In your own time.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

There's a lot of uh stupid people you're in you're imbibing. You need to like your brain will actually atrophy if you watch the whole thing at once.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yes. Before we get into maths though, we have to, have to, have to talk about this. My anal bleaching. Your anal bleaching. And this Rony reboot on E? On E. What? What are they calling it? It's I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

It's something you know. Is there a name in? I guess they've released a name. Um it's I can't remember what it is. I wish it was called like. But um Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know what I think it's something to do with like sunset or sun and like it's all about. I just think, are we ready for Ramona to be in the culture again?

SPEAKER_00 4:48

I mean, yeah. If she was. Look, if Pauline Hansen's doing well, then Well Holly, my ex-girlfriend, Hollyver Lance, doing a duet with Kevin.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Can we oh my god. What she won't do to get my attention.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Do you think it's all your fault?

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Yeah, I think I broke Hollyver Lance.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

And now you're to blame for her. I make people crazy. Transphobic antics. That's all I couldn't help myself. I had to watch the video. I haven't watched it. How is it? Look. Do yourself a favour. Smoke a joint. Mm-hmm. Get on the code. I only do that on camera though.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

I don't really have to smoke joints.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Get like comfortable. Make sure that you're yeah, in a safe place. Really safe sneaking and watching. And you can call me if you need afterwards, but watch it. Uh it's insane. Okay. It's like just but it's like rage bait. It's just like they're just trying to piss. It's like, oh, what snowflake lefties? And I was like, is that all you got? It's all you got. And they're like, oh, pronouns. Like, shut up. Like, I also didn't know that.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Why is Melbourne the place that every city comes for? Is like we are the epicenter of like Namcor to shore here. And because I'm on the ABC with my gay baby. We're blowing people's minds.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Well they're next. But uh the best part is the comment section on YouTube. Of course. Everyone is like, oh yeah. That bloody time someone said all these, you know, Russian bots are on there being like, that time someone stood up for biological women.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Yeah. And the right to the woke mind virus. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Yeah. So um thank you.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

How are the vocals? Is Holly singing in it? Look, it's sounds AI to me. Didn't she always?

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Yeah. It's literally just like a real biological woman. And like that's it. And she's it's like kiss kiss adjacent.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

She was always a girl with a plan, but I think the plan's gone a little haywire. Yeah. You know, like she she really married up. Like even when we were young, she was dating, like, I believe, some sort of man who had a lot of money. Like, I don't know, but she, um, not me, obviously. But um, she was interested, she always had a plan. I mean, she was a model as a child.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Went to Star of the Sea. Ah. I remember seeing her at like High Point. Yeah. She was a Southland girly too. Well, she did every shopping centre. Oh, you saw her performance to shop at Southland. No, well, you would have been there shopping with her.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

I met her about twice. We met at the Brighton Beach primary. I think I was in year seven, she was in grade six, and her friend came up to me at the fair and said, Um, Holly's gonna break up with you. And I said, No, she isn't, because I'm gonna break up with her.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Because she knew that you were a fucking homosexual.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Well, I could do it.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

Yeah, exactly. And she was like disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

But she knew that my face and body run a little trans.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

I'm a suspicious looking man. Yeah, that's okay from Holly. Don't be angry because you've got a type.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Yeah. Exactly. Don't be angry that you you want to. You've dabbled. You want to dab you want to dabble. You want a um you want another kiss kiss. Exactly. Um, but where the fuck were we? No, but Ramona back on the shelf.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

I just think if Ramona was that offensive before Trump, what is she gonna be like now? When like everyone's just being crazy.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Baby. Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I am so ready for it.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

I have no idea what's gonna happen. Did you did you watch the um my the Marilago Housewives?

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Oh uh Palm Royal. Um uh no, but I've got it all ready to go. Um is it good?

SPEAKER_02 8:23

It's crazy in the sense that like they talk about Mar a Lago every episode. It's all about getting into Mar a Lago and who can get closest to Trump.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

And their faces are all just like stuck on.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

Their faces are pretty wild. One woman falls at one point and her wig, she's an elderly woman, and the wig comes off, and they keep trying to put the wig on. Okay, sold. I'll be watching it.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

And it's amazing. It's like Netflix, yeah. There's only eight, there's eight episodes. Oh, easy.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

It's a by episode six, they're just talking about everything that's already happened and what they're gonna do differently next time.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

So yeah. Um, are you upside with Beverly Hills? Yes. How do we feel about Amanda Francis?

SPEAKER_02 8:58

It's fun to have someone who we can all hate.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Like it's fun to have a Britney, it's a punching bag situation.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

It's like, yeah, I feel like it's good to have that. I think she's a scammer beyond.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Big time. MLA, I don't think that's I don't think that's a controversial opinion.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

No, but I was surprised that Bose said scammer on Watch What Happens Live. And just said it about her. How did you feel about Derite um at that candlelit dinner?

SPEAKER_00 9:26

The same way I feel about Derit in every situation, which is shut the fuck up. I know, but it was great. I loved her being like, you mean the um the oh oh honey, I'm so sorry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

And we don't have to talk, we can talk about this another time. And then right now.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Oh, Amanda was milking it. Oh. But can both of them be wrong? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Suspicious. I've really fallen for Dorite 2.0, I'll admit that I'm really like it was the city in the car. Get it, Dorite. I mean, but she is at her core an annoying.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Well, speaking of scammer, I mean Dorite wrote the book. Quite literally. DK. She is all of that cash just fell out of my purse.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Out of my like in my shopping trolley, yeah. The thieves left my phone behind because I asked nicely.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Look. My groceries just gone. I don't like it. I don't like it. Uh alright.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Do they refer Pauline pants down in the No, they sh of course not, because that would be too woke.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Woke. I don't know what Pauline's role is. Ever. In well the yeah, but in that song, I'm like, was she in it? Is she like a hype?

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Is she like, yeah, get it?

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Dark child? Yeah. Yeah, probably. She's pit she's pit bull. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

Sing it, girl. Get it, girl. This one's for the girls. I hope they open with that on the song. This one's for the girls.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

That would be amazing. The girls are the real biological. The real girls. And by that I mean real girls, which are cis women. Yes. And no one else.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

And no one else. Never shall the twain meet.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Alright, speaking of gender roles, should we talk about married fucking first sight?

SPEAKER_02 11:11

The cluster fuck that is heterosexuality. Do we have a queer couple in this season or not? It looks like we do.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

So there's two things. There's this woman who Oh yeah, she could be anyone. Her love transcends gender.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Something fun about me. I love anyone. Really far. I'm kind of amazing like that. Like, you don't understand, like, a man or a woman could be there. And I'd be okay with that. That's just a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

I would let either of them fuck me.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Yeah, I bet you would, Doll. The problem is who you'd let fuck you. The problem is who wants to.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

But it looks like, I mean, the quick maths will tell you that she's getting a man because it's that's how many there are. And then allegedly, like, I think some gay men are being plonked in halfway through. Because I think I think one of the couples we're meeting soon gets pulled for some reason. Okay. I haven't done like a full deep dive because I don't care enough. But I And you don't want to spoil it. True, true. But from what I've heard, yeah, what like something happens. Because surprise, surprise, they probably just, yeah, cast another fucking like rapist or something.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Like do you not know me? You mean a man? Yes. Yeah. I'm uh already surprised at how many of the couples and brides and grooms, that's just everyone. I want to thank the children and also the parents of the children. How many are already like within minutes are like, it's just not my person, like I'm not into it. And that they're showing us that.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

There's also in these first three episodes, there's already so much gaggery. Yes. It's got productions fingerprints all over it, and I'm like, oh, come on.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Why are all the producers British? Why is every time you hear someone they're like, is that really how you feel, darling? Is that really what's going on with you? Is that what's type named? Do you mean that? I'm like, we were teaching Britain how to do this.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

You want to apologize to the expats.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Why is it coming to our maths? Our maths took over Britain. True. It's the only time. We created the game. Like, we can't say that about Big Brother or Goggle Box, like two other brilliant shows. No. Survivor and Maths.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Yeah, rest, fuck off.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

We do that well here. You listen to us. Yeah. Colonizer, colonizer. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

But is that this whole time they've been the ones puppeteering? It checks out though. I can just imagine them all being very English.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Yeah, and I maybe Aussies find that less threatening to have someone going like, Are you right, babe? Is that okay, babe? How do you really feel though? It's got a hurt, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00 13:33

There's some good accents already. Beck. Beck.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

What the fuck? Beck.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

What the fuck is her voice?

SPEAKER_02 13:38

What's her face?

SPEAKER_00 13:40

No, we can say it.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Well, I don't again, we shouldn't talk about looks, but TV is a visual medium. And believe me, there's already mean comments about how I look, I'm sure. Yeah. Um, and not all from my family.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Great cousin trust, though. She's living. I'm living for her, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

She looked like a bit like Julia Morris at times. Oh. And also there was an actress that uh friend of the show, Bridget Gallagher, told me that she looked like. Um, Lucy Bell looks exactly like Lucy Bell. A very niche.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

I was trying to place it the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Without makeup when she cried, Brandy Glanville. Oh, something in the lippy or post-face parasite. Well, not mid. When she is the face parasite.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Oh my god. Um so you're watching it? Ad phrased. So you're missing out. You're telling me you're missing out on this koala woman. Oh, who's the koala woman? Oh my god. The best part of this show is in the ad breaks, there's this woman sitting on a couch, and she's like, oh darling, you just gotta sit on it. That's how I know if it's a good couch, because I sit on it. And it's actually like I hate to say it, it's actually amazing. Like it's the it's the word. It's kind of like a Virginia gay knockoff, and they've got it, and they've got her there, and she's like, oh, and then there's the whole you think that's bad, then there's another one. She's like, This couch pulls out. Who is this woman? I don't know, but I need to get her on the pod. Yeah, you should she's very pod-friendly. And they've put her in this like flapper like a flapper dress. Yeah, and like it's the whole ad is fucked.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

It sounds very confused. And this is for koala living or something.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yeah, I don't know. It's for a couch. They're not paying me.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

She just sounds like, I don't know, like a bad drag queen, bad Judith Lucy, bad all of that dry.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

They think they're doing Judith Lucy like wink wink, but like it's so And the premise is she's like watching Maths, and this is we're catching her in the ad break.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Pretty much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

In fact, all of like 90% of the ads are Maths themed. There's Ree and Jeff from last season.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

We have to talk about them because they opened episode one.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

I want to kill myself every time. I see.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

I thought Tesla drivers were smug. I thought vegans were smug, ain't got nothing on the smugness between those two.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Well, they've got a Cadbury deal.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

Big deal. It is a big deal. Yeah, that is a really big deal. Actually, that is a really big deal.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

You're like, I would actually really like that.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

I think she just needs like a um paint deal because the amount of makeup she's wearing, it looks like the TV paint stick just has been scrawled over.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

That's what we're doing. Like, if that's the goal, like if if it's like, don't you want to be like Re and Jeff? Like, no, I don't. No, so I would not go on this show. No. I don't want to be the 0.001% of couples that are Rhe and Jeff.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Yes, that's if that's what success looks like, count me out.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

That we need to talk about that. How they're editing Chris as like the experiment's biggest skeptic. But I'm like, you realize that's most of your audience, right? Yeah. Surely.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Well, I was like, unfortunately for him, I was like, dude, there's no way to win this way. Like, I get it, you think the show's stupid. So does everyone who watches it.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

You're on it, so jokes on your own.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

So you wanna go on it? Because they're gonna edit you to look like Bozo the Fool, which they've done already.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

And very well.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

So easily. Like, you're not too smart to get got. Everyone can get got by production.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

No.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

And calling the I don't know where they got their life, their experts in what in a weedy space their license in a weedy spot.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Well, when he said that, I was like, save those bits for us, doll.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

I know I was so curious about his mum, because I was like, why has your son never been around a woman?

SPEAKER_00 17:16

Why have you like? When he was like, I was getting a little bit turned on when he was like, all I've ever done is boys' school and then footy camp and then in the showers with the footy boy. He literally was like describing how to make a pack rapist. I was gonna say gay porn, but um well, just potato potato a lot of environments with men, and yeah, he's like, I can't even go up to women. Yeah, speak to I was like, that's yeah, mum needs mum's got some answering to do.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

I know, and it's not necessarily the mum's fault, but you would think if you're the only woman in his life and he's so nervous around women and useless around women, you should be like, darling, you know, girls like this, and maybe like shepherd him through some female, and maybe she tried to. Like, I have a feeling he's as stubborn as he is dumb. So, like, yeah, I get it, but like, he just felt like an insult enough to be acting like that.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

I'm sorry, sir, but he is acting like he is a 12 out of 10, and I gotta say he's like a solid seven.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

I wrote to Bridget going, What's why are women so obsessed with height? Like, what's so great about height? And she was like, actually, height is everything, it's really important. I was like, okay, good to know. See, you talk to women, you learn things. Height is important. Sorry for the short kings. I will take on a short king very happily.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Same.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

Yeah, I'm happy to be the big man on campus.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Yeah, exactly. Oh god. Um, should we start at one? Yes, so start at the beginning. So the first couple we meet is David and Alyssa.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

Oh wait, so we're not gonna talk about girls' night, boys' night.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Oh, we can do that. But not did not anything really go Oh, of course it did. There was it's game on moles between Beck and Gina. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Which I really could not stand, Gina, and she's already turning me around a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Obsessed. Yeah. I'm like number one subscriber.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Well, also because when you put a toxic queen in the mix, then suddenly Gina looked really nice.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Um she's great.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Yes, and Beck, whoa, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Becky's giving Jackie from last year. Jackie, Jack, Jackie, just cra a little bit cray. They've got her on, she's not on her meds.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

And we're gonna get to think pink, aren't we? Because she's loony. We're getting to think pink. She's a loony champ. She's cooking bananas. She's a communications expert. Communications expert. It's like, but I'm a Disney princess.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

She's a gender reveal expert. All she can fucking talk about is like, it's pink and it's blue.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

It's pink and it's blue. You fucking five months old. What happens?

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Yeah, trauma.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Yeah, it's like oh my god. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Yeah. Uh, but David and Lissa are like the first wedding.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

And so it looked already can't remember either of their names. David is the very incredible hot as fuck rapper.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Gotcha, Christian.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Yes, dropping that. Um the yeah, when he appeared, I'm glad he was a rapper because Rapping Christian e-commerce specialist. There's a lot going on. But when he first flashed up on screen and then this like hip-hop music started, I was like, okay, I was like, okay, nine. Yeah. And then he's like, I'm rapper. I'm like, alright. Phew.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Yeah, but don't worry, there were still horrible, racist and feeling moments in that ceremony.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Throughout the whole thing. I thought.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

A white woman demanding him to kneel. I was like, I know that you're too dumb to know how this reads, but this looks really good.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Let's jump straight into that because so exactly. That's exactly where my mind went. His face, when she said, Sorry, I can't marry you, his face was like, he was broken, but you could tell that it's like something that he's experienced before. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

And I was literally literally Tonight on a very special episode of Maths, we learn about racism.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Yeah. I literally thought that's what was happening. And she was like, I'm not letting this black man near me. And I was like, is that what we're doing? And then when she's like, psych, it's a joke. I was like, not funny. Not funny. Not funny at all.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

There's a few times in these episodes where the women do stuff that I'm like, if a man did that to you, you would hate that. Lose your life. You would not be okay, and we'd be furious with it. So like, you can't always do a reverse thing. But with this, it's like, just be nice. Don't do a bit. Don't if you're gonna do a bit, put those funny teeth in. Like that was funny.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Totally. Do that.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Bring back like yeah, that's funny. Harmless. Don't do kneel down in front of me, and I'm gonna make this wedding really awkward until you do it. I just really need it. What about what he needs, which is to feel like you like him or that he doesn't have to perform for you.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Exactly. And I love she's trying to take the power straight away, which tells us everything we need to know about her, which is that she's fucking insane and perfect for this show. Yes. She is beautiful. I think so far they're the hottest couple. Oh my god, like by a long show. Yes, we'd watch the video. Absolutely want to watch the video. Um but the prank? No. I and again, felt production. Yeah, I wanna know. Felt they were like, hey, do you know it'd be really funny?

SPEAKER_02 22:10

I got a really good idea. No one's ever done this. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

And she hadn't seen him.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Do you wanna make some TV?

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah, you wanna get you wanna be Jackie?

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

You want the Cabry deal? Like, seriously.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Who's the guy that does the news.com. James We are. You wanna make Do you want to make the recap, bitch?

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Yeah. Yeah, if you want to make the recap, you gotta do the bit. And look, here we are, doll. It's but you're not being spoken about for the reasons that you think.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

No. No. Mavs has jumped the shark. Yeah, I thought that wedding. I also loved. He had these um friends, and they were um, they looked to me, I guess no one else would care about this. They looked like um succession characters. One would have like slicked black hair, one was really pale with red hair, and another had kind of an aristocratic horsey face with like blonde hair. Loved it.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

I always love the the like groomsmen always I get a giggle out of. Because they're always wearing like the same fucking. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

We'll get to it, but one guy's groomsman, they felt really The Boys. You mean Chris Chris's groomsman? The boys felt like them. Yeah, it felt like that play the boys, which is about men about to assault a woman. Yeah, they felt like as soon as she didn't kiss him, the guy's with the mustache's face was like fucking get up.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

He was like, Well, I pin her down and we do like what we did last weekend.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

I was like I I didn't go through 10 rounds of soggy biscuit not to do this. Come on, he is charged. I just disrespecting you, bro.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

That mustache guy, I was like, settle the fuck down, Steve. He was charged. Kind of want to suck his dick.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Of course you do. You like hideous man. Um I like hanging out with women.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Exactly. Who is next? Oh, Steven and Rachel. So this is the kookie couple, and I can't tell. I think I'm scarred from last season with what was her name? Katie. The one that they said. Benjamin, Katie Benjamin. Okay. I was like, Rachel. So Rachel's one with the laugh.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Yeah. I said to you, she sounds like she's in pain. She's like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Oofed. Do we need help for Katie? But then I don't know. Then when I saw who they paired it with, also, I don't know, fucking Rachel.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Also, it's like when you're not a crazy big-titted uh Playboy bunny look, suddenly you're like, I'm not a great looking girl. And I, it's really hard for me. And I don't get swiped right.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

That's her story, her storyline is uh so is his. His storyline is no one has ever told me ever that I'm beautiful. And I was like, shut the fuck up with that. I'm not sorry.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

No, and Christina Aguilera's beautiful. Look in the mirror, love yourself. Yeah. You don't need to tell you to masturbate like the rest of us.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

And then they've purposely picked a guy. I reckon they told this guy as I was like, Do you know what she hates? Being told that she's beautiful. So you get out there and you say nothing.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Don't compliment her, it'll make you look weak.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

It'll make you look really weak, she'll hate it. Like, he's gone out there, they've picked this.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

I love this producing character that's evolving. This yeah. This vaping, this vaping, like Essex girl or something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

But they've sent him out there, Steven, who is so a boat specky.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

I wonder if he knew Morena's ex who'd ran the ferry.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Oh my god. Morena! Get Morena another go. It's actually really interesting. Yeah. She would never. She's like, that fucking show.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

Justice for Morena.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Justice. But they've put him on DJ Morena.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

DJ Meredith Marks for DJ Morena.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

Is she DJing? Yeah, I think she was already a DJing. Oh no, that's right. Sure, that was her backstory. I thought you meant like now she'd taken a It's Midsummer. Where is DJ Morena? No, no, Modena. No, they've given Rachel Steven. Yes. And I reckon the edit is cookie couple. But don't worry, we've got a not hot couple here too.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

But I also have what they usually do with that couple where they're like, it's been really hard for me and I don't look like a 10, is they always usually end up being the ones who go like they're not attracted to the other person because they expect they should have a 10.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Well, it looks like next week it's shit's going down with those two. Well shit was going everywhere because he had diarrhea. Oh my god, the gastro at the gastrointestinal distress.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

Fuck bad. And they gave him a room, they gave them a room with no bathroom door. Which I was like, what kind of honeymoon requires you to engage in scat play?

SPEAKER_00 26:29

She actually said she loves scat play. She loves a bit of scat play. She's really into it. You should just tell it. You don't want to be sexy. In fact, she said that you have full consent to shit on her chest.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

The cameras will be on. And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

That's next week on Marital Bass.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

The laughing the laughing was hard. He was. I did feel bad when he didn't even say and you saw her being like, You look so great in that. Oh babe, you look amazing. You look so much.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Roll the tape, Steva. Because if we if we have her all season being like, no one ever tells me I'm beautiful, I tell you, I'm gonna be pissed.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

If no one's telling you you're beautiful, I wonder why.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Yeah. It's giving hashtag catperson these two. And look, I'm here for that. I think they're a good mix. We'll see.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

Uh remember the nerds, was it a season or two ago where she had like the curly hair?

SPEAKER_00 27:21

They love a token.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Yeah. Nerd. It is weird though, because what's her name? The pawny looking one in this season that we're about to watch get married. Um Gia. Gia. The way that when Gia came in to the girls' night, she is the boom boom gun. She came in and the girls were like, Oh wow, she's really beautiful. And Bridget was saying, It's funny that in the world of maths that is considered the height of beauty. Because I wouldn't say to me it is the height of beauty.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Yeah. So Adam like watched a bit of it with me last night. And he was like, oh, she's rough. She's fucking rough. And I was like, yeah, mate.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Yeah, she's like a Gold Coast kind of vibe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

Which is like And to balance out these shady comments about women's looks, I've got to say, none of the men are like rocking my world. There is an epidemic of shit male haircuts.

SPEAKER_02 28:07

And I'm sorry to say that in front of you.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

But oh yeah. No, I'm giving it away. But they're giving a lot of this.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

They're giving a lot of your kind of like one guy I'm hot for. You sound like you're hot for every you've already listed seven.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

No, just one. Okay. And it's Luke. Which one's he? So Epto, Luke, he's the guy that forgot the rings, which again, he fucking didn't. Yes. That fucking British producer stitched up as well. Stitching it really up. You better just leave the rings there.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Gemma is earning her paycheck or whatever the producer's name is.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Exactly. Even that shot, that candid shot they show with the producer. These are the rings. These are things you better not forget them. That's me. That's production. Like fuck off. No, he's hot. Come on.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

Um, no. Look, he's fine. Um, I like that he's in distress, not gastrointestinally.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

But he's big, he's got a big schnauz, big ears. I want to date someone different than myself. Oh yeah. He's oof.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

I don't if they can't talk intelligently about art, what is the use of a man? Oh true. No, I think he is not unattractive. No. I was more laughing at the like not laughing at the fact that they go like he experienced a huge personal loss, which was the death of his father six years ago. A huge personal loss. But the way that they introduced that like it was his main thing, I thought that's odd.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

I've got three sisters. I'm really good with I'm always around women. So that that I'm like red flag.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

It's but it's all odd. It's like people on other cast members would have lost members of their family more recently than that. It's just odd. What's all six years ago feels that's I'm thinking they could not think of what he's doing. It's ineffensive so far. That's why I'm kind of because he's also not, he doesn't give farmer. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 29:47

You know, not at all. He's so What does he farm? Likes. What does he farm? Probably. Yeah, it's I'm a like farmer. He's an OnlyFans. He's a content farmer. Yes. Uh they've paired him, and I feel so sorry for him, with this fucking insane bitch. Uh, what's her name?

SPEAKER_02 30:05

Mel lost Disney princess Mel.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

She's arrested. Cannot stand. Something happened to Mel, and I don't care to find out what.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

He's boring as fuck, though. I will give you that. Like, I'd rather be boring. Yes. The ring sing, I was like, you walked straight into that, you poor thing. She don't you think Mel looks a bit like Raquel from Vanderpump Rules? I don't watch Vanderpump Rules. But do you remember the one that was in the scandal? You don't remember her? Not really. She looks a lot like skinny. Like it was a shot of Mel S.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Bob head. Yeah, it was like, whoa, doll. Um, I was more spun up and laughing at the way the narration, shout out to Helen Dalymore. Who we haven't we haven't even touched Helen when they um want you to really feel a certain way, where it was like after two apologies and being talked to by her parents, she still can't get over the fact that he was like late. I thought that was so they were like, and just to remind you, we hate her. Which we do.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Oh, they're using Helen expertly. She's expertly already in at one, two, and three. She's already setting the scene. And it's not hard to imagine why Helen's been single if that's how she behaves. The best one was just as things are about to get steamy in the steam room. I know that there's only one more thing to tie up.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Like this like the way they really lead everything is just yikes.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

What was it? Um previously after being after being shushed at the airport iconic. Uh, but so uh Mel Raquel Mel, she won't let this go. She's like um he was late. I wanted to be the first. Also, it wasn't like it was a bit Yeah. Fucking hell, how dummy. Also, then the gum thing, the the way they edited that sound in of like and then on they're getting handed it to someone like oh my god. She was a better thing to be annoyed about because all I'm seeing is a hot farmer and a really ungrateful lady.

SPEAKER_02 32:17

And I'm gonna say girl, because she feels like she's old. Little girl, she's giving little girl. She is little girl lost. She is, I mean, we have to talk about this whole daddy thing as well with other girls. It's like, I need a daddy. You're my new daddy. Oh, that was the first girl. I don't want to beat like this call her daddy, girl boss, roller derby feminist shit is like I'm I feel like it's appropriating our culture as well.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Daddy's our thing. Exactly. We have daddy issues. We have daddy issues, and so we're allowed to do that.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Yeah. It's also just yes. Yeah, I don't think the straight women get into the father-son role play like people in our community actually do. True. But once again, after pretending to be his son, after taking loads from dad, the pass around Party Bottom, it's Luke and They're so forgettable.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Come on. Luke and David have both been saints. Like they've both been given these fucking psycho women who have done annoying things at the wedding, and they've both just been really cool and chill about it. And I think it's because this show has created this thing where it's like, you're the man, you're the one that's gonna get cancelled by being on this show, so you better like behave. And I'm sorry, I'm not I don't I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

I don't like it. I don't like it. Their behavior was pretty hideous. Also, Beck's behaviour, which we're gonna get to, was pretty hideous a lot. Totally.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

It's like again, if if the man did this, people would be I'm like slut shaming strippers, who cares? Women be tripping. The women on this show be tripping, which is kind of strange. It's weird to watch because norm I'm so ready to go with hating these men. Yes. It's kind of why we watch the show, right? Confirmation bias. Oh, yeah, exactly. And this year I'm like, hang on, I'm siding with all the. What if the problem was women? All these men are being a world. Holly Valance was right. Um fuck me. I just I feel like they were both very patient. Yeah. Especially David, after being told to bend the knee.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

After being shushed at the aisle.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

After being told to After being like told to take a knee at the aisle.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

I would have just turned around and walked off and been like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, I couldn't.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

And when her friends were like, she needs it, just do it. Just do it. What do you mean, just do it?

SPEAKER_00 34:43

And then after she she was giving J Mae so hard. Like, I can't believe it took you so long. Well, the worst day of my life.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

There's a few Chris Lilly characters that have gotten added to the water supply because Mr. G turned up in what's her name's Let's So Is it Leah?

SPEAKER_00 34:58

What's her name? Episode two. It's uh Scott and Gia's wedding. So this this gay, this guy was calming for the spotlight. And honey, well done.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

Well, look, I I've never met a gay man like that. I don't want to be a gay man like that. You're out of the limo. He is like the incarnation of like the demon that possesses gay men when they get drunk. Hello? Hello? Hello! Hello! He really ended his helloes with a woman.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

You're the first bridezilla I've seen.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

And the amount of times they called each other bitch was just wild. I was living. And I also loved the third character that she didn't say so much, but she was just like a tattooed redhead that was just like, but it was like it was Karen turning up.

SPEAKER_00 35:45

It was Jack and Karen to the wedding. Hello. And when she said, You're out of the limo. That was so Jermaine. Get out. It was Jermaine and Mr.

SPEAKER_02 35:53

G fighting. It was like what does he say? Fuck off, Barbara. I hope you fucking shove your jump up your ass.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

It was so that. I'm out of here. And when they rock up in there, it's like woo.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

And suddenly Gia looked so normal in comparison.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

Shuts? Yeah. I was lead. Yeah, well done to that guy.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

I would never want to be around him. He was great TV. And I was like to have a restraining order. I don't want to say, you know, part of me goes, you just set us back a long way. But I don't want to be like, we can have problematic gay man. That's what progress looks like. Everyone can have a seat at the table. It's great. But you're a nightmare, and I hope you're not like that all the time. And I hope he's doing okay. I hope he that hasn't been too hard for him to watch back.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

And let's talk about Scott, who's Gia's partner, Vin Vinier's. His whole thing is, oh, so like I live in the GC and I get up at 4 a.m. and I go to sleep at 8 o'clock. Three businesses. And I've got three businesses, and all I do is fucking work and shred, and I've got white teeth. I just no, it's such a no from me.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

No, it is it's a big no. But then he seems nice. We started it gross and we ended up thinking, actually, he's a really nice guy. I did. I was like, when she can had to confess that she had a baby, and he was just like, Yeah, that's great. I love that. I it only matters if you're a good mum.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

I was impressed by Hey plus. He also knows the cameras are rolling, but he said he's like fucked chicks with kids before. So I was like, wow, what a what a great guy. Congrats. We all fell for it. He's just there for that rig.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

Yeah, and it doesn't matter when you got that face. Um look, he seems like a very average like he's someone someone that I'm like, is this what's happening to men? Like this kind of like productivity maxing or job, or whatever stupid term we've come up for.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

I literally just see him, I'm like, he's just like, yeah, he ticks all the like Instagram boxes of what like a man should be. Like, yeah, the the businesses and the bod and the teeth. And I'm like, that's so all so boring.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

You're just like a worker ant. Like it's just like, yeah, you've created a life where you have no friends and all you do is work.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

Get a personality. But she loves it because she just wants to take pics and also she loves the fake teeth. She's like, ah, I'm a video match. Yeah, I'm as plastic as they can.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

I side note, and I'm talking to someone with a lot of tattoos, but how do we feel about it?

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Yeah, but there's tattoos and there's tattoos. What about giant I don't have any scriptures across my abs. What about thank you?

SPEAKER_02 38:23

Birth date and dying date, like you're wearing a tombstone on you. I get it, and it's none of my people can do what they want, but he had one, I'm guessing it was his grandfather, across his chest that was like 1935 to 2010. And I'm like, that's not that's not noteworthy.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

That's a great innings, all the time, and we haven't even got to Danny yet, and he's he's just got like guns all over him. I was like, fuck. Is he the geezer? The geezer.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Oh, I can't with geezers. I can't wait to get it. Um, but yes, Venez, he came through.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

And then the uncle spilt the bean about the kids at the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

Do we think that uncle was queer? I don't know. There felt like there was a real history to that where it was like, I finally got invited to this and I've ruined it. And I'm like, what's going on in the world?

SPEAKER_00 39:06

It was Gemma went up to that uncle man. Hey, uncle, do you want to make some TV? John make some tele. Do you want to get on tele?

SPEAKER_02 39:16

And they and those two families were really getting along. Oh yeah, they were like, oh, they were all hammered. They were bourbon colours.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

Oh I love you! There was a lot of yeah, overfamiliarity. Yeah, I think they were all of the same vibe.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Oh. Yeah. Let's just get pissed. What you mean we can drink as much as we like?

SPEAKER_00 39:35

Yeah, yes, they were there for the free business. My family would have been bonding over the free.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

Let's get hammered and talk shit. Totally. Yeah. Uh people. Great people. Do you think that was Gia's real daughter in the flashbacks? Or in the cutaways?

SPEAKER_00 39:49

Uh oh, do you think it was rent? Now that you've worked with a child star.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

I was just like, they never showed the kid's face, which makes you go, that could be the real girl. But then I'm like, imagine a world where Gia's escaped some hideous man and is in hiding or something, and she can't he can't know what his daughter looks like or something. I believe Gia's been through some shit and not just at the Playboy mansion. She has seen some shit. Also, what's going on with these girls that are like, um, you know, I wasn't super hot in high school, I didn't have a hot time, but now I'm really hot. And it's made me crazy. Like, there's something about a girl who was like, no one looked at me, I had no tits, and then I got tits and I went to the Playboy mansion all the time. I'm like, I think you've learned the wrong lessons. The lesson was that you were meant to like be confident and doing the villa.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

Yeah. Baby steps. Yeah. Like you didn't go straight.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

Episode of Super Size versus Super Skinny, where you're like, yeah, you're everyone here is crazy. Um I felt for her, and I also felt for um, is that Beck that was formerly carrying a bit more weight and then she's lost the weight?

SPEAKER_00 40:50

Yes, which I feel so sorry for her. This storyline is fucked. Like, that's what's happened, and then they fuck on the honeymoon one time, and he's like, Yeah, no chemistry. I'm like, chemistry?

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Yeah. Like, dude. Chemsex. He wants chemsex. I was more spun out, like, all I could think of when she was being a bit crappy during uh the wedding ceremony about like I just don't want to be with someone who's like being in jail, and like she was really judgy about him. I thought about Heather Gay, yeah, and I remember someone's tweet saying, No one is more judgmental than a formerly fat person.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

And I was like And Heather Gay would know all about that.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Well, yes. I love that though, she she was spiralling on our camera, like just being like, What he wants to get arrested? What's that? Like, she was kind of like unhinged for a minute. She was also arrested, and then she was like convincing herself that he was like a convicted, like sex offender.

SPEAKER_02 41:47

He was on the run right now, and that she was gonna go to jail for it.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

I know. She hadn't even seen all the tats yet. Also, and the magic mic thing, can we just quickly get oh my god, oh really, really, Gemma? Everyone just at the wedding was like, oh, hello oh you look like that's you look familiar. Fuck off.

SPEAKER_02 42:06

I was like, maybe I don't live in this world. Maybe people know social media strippers and I just don't.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

For the record, that man looks nothing like Channing Tatum. He looks like a tennis ball. Yeah. He does look like a tennis ball with like a face drawn on it.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

What? I was more spun out by the fact that she was like, I just, you know, this is a wedding. I wanted it to be really serious. After she did what felt like 20 minutes of stand up, Miss Julia Morris. It felt like she went in there and went, oh, look at you, look at you. And then suddenly she was like, I just want this to be serious.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

She was like, My friend fucked you and you didn't fix her. And then she's like, How dare they talk about stripping? I'm like, well, you're obviously like running in these circles. Yeah. Anyway, bitch. Is she come on?

SPEAKER_02 42:47

Bitch, you're now you're the gay guy from the other wedding. Hello! Hey, bitch, hello.

SPEAKER_00 42:51

Hello. He literally said love you, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 42:56

Like non-seven times. Helloa. This is how we say hello.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

Hello?

SPEAKER_02 43:03

It's like screaming Stella. Hello!

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

Well I hope he's in the next season.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

So the honeymoon's underway. Gia and Scott get Townsville, and I was like, of course they're getting like a hot swimwear photo shoot.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

Um have you been to Townsville? Yeah, but it's like The people I know from Townsville dislocate each other's shoulders for fun.

SPEAKER_00 43:23

Yeah, but it's better than fucking like, I don't know, Mount Bulla. Yeah. Or where where did the other go? Like a glamping tent in like South Australia.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

Look, as long as there's a door to the bathroom, I'm okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

Exactly. True. No, Townsville itself is not glamorous, but they just wanted to get them like in swimwear.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

Of course. Uh funny, I never thought about that.

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Of course, like some couples you're like, the Argo couple always gets oh, we're going camping in the wilderness. Covering them up as much as possible. And then, like, yeah, at their two super hot couples are like in Fiji.

SPEAKER_02 43:57

Yeah, exactly. Anyway. Is that why you think? Some girls like, I really hope we go somewhere hot because that means I'm hot. I'm hot. Which means they want to see me.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

Totally. That's why they want Fiji. So unfair though, like someone gets Fiji and someone gets like fucking Mel. We're sending you to somewhere where you have to wear like a book. Saudi! Yeah! Saudi. Woo! Uh Luke was put in the separate bed by Mel, of course, because she was like She's so mean. You can't get over the gum chewing and the lateness.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

And what was her attitude about how did you rock paper scissors? Everything about her was like psychotic. How do you do it?

SPEAKER_00 44:35

He's like, like this too. She was like, like this. What? Like that's how everyone what she was like, she was like flouncing her hand around. Like hello. And he was like, Are you fucking serious? This guy's, you know, in his mind, he's like, I want to like fucking punch this in the face.

SPEAKER_02 44:56

Well, the irony is he's getting more blue by the second, like his balls are. And instead of thinking pink, she should just think. Just think, doll.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

Doll.

SPEAKER_02 45:05

Communications expert. Learn how to talk. She's deep. Learn how to connect with people. Take an interest.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

She loves to Take a dick. Take a dick. Yeah. They get South Australia. And of course she's underwhelmed. She's like, uh, it's gonna be cold.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

Oh what? Because you're really bringing the heat, are you? Yeah, we need to get her. I was like, yeah, anyway.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Also, we need him to get a shirt off more. Did you see that?

SPEAKER_02 45:31

The farmer.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

Okay, well, yeah. Watch it next week and tell me you still don't think he's hot. I think he's the facial hair trimming annoys me though. It's like all like under under the That's my favourite bit. It's kind of a John Watersy mustache, which I like. Which if it was just the Mo, that'd be chic.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

But it's then it makes the nose look a lot bigger, I think, to do it that way, which is why you like the nose. It is a great schnazz.

SPEAKER_00 45:56

It's stunning.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

Not quite as good as the succession blonde woman, though. Oh my god. She had a real good bumpy nose. Yeah. That nose was a bumpy rhyme.

SPEAKER_03 46:06

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 46:08

Dave and Lissa get the snow, and then we get the steam room drama. Yes. Their only storyline this time. He took a fall. He took a fall, and but I bet he looked gorgeous falling. Then I was like, did Gemma put some marbles in the steam room? Because Alyssa is a nurse. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, how convenient. So then we got this whole scene of her being like, I just wrapped it up and looked after him and Which I think if this was a rom com, that would have been their meat cute.

SPEAKER_02 46:35

That's actually how this romance would have begun. Meat cute. Even when she was like, mm-hmm, pressure, pressure, pressure. Like she knows what she's doing. I actually liked her in that moment. Oh, I think that's why they did it to make her likable. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Because we'll.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

Because I don't know that she's going to be likable. In the preview, who do you think is the person that it's like, I've never heard a woman talk about a woman. Who do we? Someone in green.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

Like Gia or Ben. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

I think it has to be Mel and Clever to speak so hideously. Mel.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

I think Mel's going to come out.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

The expert, Mel the expert. Saying it to herself.

SPEAKER_00 47:10

We haven't even touched on the experts, but they haven't given anything yet.

SPEAKER_02 47:13

No, Alessandra's really sorted out the um semi-glutide dose.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

She has. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:19

She looks fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 47:19

She looks incredible. Praying fantasy, but great. Always praying fantasy. I loved her scene with Chris when he was like, Oh, we have to talk about it. I've never been around a woman before. And she's like, okay. Not even as a friend. Not as a woman. And then she just does this.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

I just thought he must have been so intimidated. If he's like intimidated by women, to have heard Mantis eyes sort of staring him down.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

He's never spent a minute with a gay man. He has no gay friendship. Not that he'll talk about. Oh actually, totally. He has at the fucking beat.

SPEAKER_02 47:53

Hey, things happen in the showers. According to the videos I've seen.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

But um Allegedly.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

Allegedly. No, I I was very because yeah, she was like, she could not believe. And I think it's another time where she's surprised by Australian culture, but there are a lot of Aussie men that don't hang out with women at all. They just fuck them and marry them and then never want to see them.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

He's literally just like when and I love how he's saying it's like not his fault. It's like, when would I meet a woman that's not on an app? Because all I do is footy and fucking How would that happen? Work in I'm a trade and I play footy because I'm a fucking man. Yeah. There are there there are women everywhere, doll. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

Interact with them all the time.

SPEAKER_00 48:38

I'm just picturing him yet at the checkout and being like, What the fuck is that? I'm a woman. Grabs a boob.

SPEAKER_02 48:47

Truly, like so strange. It's so sad to me, too, the way that like you can get that far into life. Because what is he, like 30? Yeah. And he hasn't hung out.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

He hasn't even hung out with a woman. And all of the men, including this guy, all have the same torso. Have you noticed? They've got like scripture tats, abs, not a single hair. It's like, what are we doing? The aesthetics of very interesting.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

Also, the girls aren't Kardashian-y at all anymore. Like, yeah, the semi-glutides have hit. Semi-glutides. Finn is back. Semi-glutides. You can be blonde again. You don't have to have the middle part. Yeah. Yes. But um, yikes.

SPEAKER_00 49:25

You just need to have no personality. No personality.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

And I think uh it feels a bit more pawny again. The looks have gotten a bit pawny.

SPEAKER_00 49:32

It is getting pawny. Yeah. Yeah. And not a single body hair on anyone in the cast. No. Put them all through a rigorous.

SPEAKER_02 49:41

Only very groomed, like facial hair. Yeah, oh.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

And it has to be like Yeah, and you're right, it has to be like very perfect.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

It's yeah, they're all very done. Yeah. They're very camera ready. Very bleached hole.

SPEAKER_00 49:55

It's fucking channel nine. Yeah. Which is the bleached hole of Australia. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

Have you toured the bleached hole of Australia?

SPEAKER_00 50:02

We haven't touched on what do you think of them doing this after show. Exclusive to Stan.

SPEAKER_02 50:07

Oh, see, because I don't watch the ads. I don't know about the after show. Who's hosting it? I don't know. Dom? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 50:13

Maybe. It's like after the I think it's like untucked. Yeah. It's like after the dinner party or something. So I feel like it's just literally just more of them behind the scenes or whatever. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

I was like, well done. Yeah, no. They should be doing as much satellite content around us as possible. Totally. So far, no one's breaking their NDAs either, which is very different to previous seasons. Hurry up.

unknown 50:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:35

You want to get ahead of that, dog?

SPEAKER_00 50:37

Get ahead of the story. Morena was doing it before they even started. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:41

Normally there's a lot more leaks.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

Uh did we talk properly about Mr. Incel?

SPEAKER_00 50:48

No, that we're actually up to them. Okay. So, yeah, we've done Danny. Anything else you want to say on Danny and Beck? So, like, geezer. Oh, the geezer. Um, she hated that brooch, and I was like, girl, same. That queen, the the queen. The only thing I hated more was her attitude about it. I was just like. Was she drunk at the wedding? She was like, ugh, uh, uh huh. She's like, oh, you got a cat. I know!

SPEAKER_02 51:11

Everything he did turned her right off, and she had no problem yelling at him.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

She had like drunk eyes. She was getting rid of Meredith Marksy, you know.

SPEAKER_02 51:19

Yeah, and I felt so bad when she was like, Oh, it's just so good to be with someone. The sexual chemistry is just amazing.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

And then they cut to him going, that was the worst sex I've ever had in my life. Couldn't even didn't even come. Is that what he said? No, no, but couldn't nut. Didn't even had to go fucking.

SPEAKER_02 51:38

And then apparently he's looking at some other girl on the resort. I cannot wait for that.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

When that came up, I was like, this. Yeah, Julia Morris has had it. She's the sort of thing. Why did he go and talk to that bitch over there? In the at the buffet. At the fucking buffet.

SPEAKER_02 51:56

Also, shout out to makeup, because I think Beck's face looked completely different when she was out of makeup. It did. And I'm not saying better or worse, just really different. Just really, really different. And I was like, oh, Bex had her lips done. Beck's had a little kiss. Little kiss from the surgeon. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

Gemma, you're doing a great job. She's back there.

SPEAKER_02 52:14

And yeah, so the incel is with the model who's taller than him, even though he is six foot. He reiterates many times that he is six foot.

SPEAKER_00 52:20

Because when they showed that video straight up of him measuring himself, I was like, why are we saying this? Yeah. But then of course.

SPEAKER_02 52:27

Oh, they don't put anything in by mistake, Sam.

SPEAKER_00 52:29

This is when the uh experts shined. Of course. When they got to go, so what's his name, the guy?

SPEAKER_02 52:38

John. John. John, former cricketer.

SPEAKER_00 52:41

He's like so. Chris is our biggest sceptic yet.

SPEAKER_02 52:48

Yeah. I have no what is it? I have no problem with it. Even if he's skeptical about us, sceptical about us, he's not I'm not sceptical about his d like his desire for love. Like, he may not believe in us, but he believes in love. And I was like, what? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 53:03

Yeah. They spoke so much shit about this guy. Yeah, well they because they had to justify putting him on even though he doesn't want to be there, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

And of course, even though they didn't get a say in choosing him, and it's just like, oh, so production are now trying to put us in it. Okay, great. Well, sure.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

It's a good angle though. I like that they showed all of him, all of the things he said about like hating on the experts. I was literally just like correct. No, but totally correct. And none of it is particularly mean. He's just like, they're not real experts. Like, that's right. But it's like going to a magic show and yelling at, this isn't real. It's like, yeah, we know. And everyone's like, we know. But but I love the show in their world being like, what a mean guy for saying yes. How dare he question our qualifications? I'm like, guys.

SPEAKER_02 53:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:49

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 53:50

Uh the strike rate ain't so great for your work, guys.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

No. But then him, the best bits, and they've they've done him so dirty on this edit, and I love it, is just all of the interviews with him and Gemma, where he's like, No, like, I'm not gonna apologize, and blah blah blah. And them trying to get him to come around, which I think is pretty crazy, they're already trying to do that. Yeah. They gasped up. Wait a minute. Yeah. But it's great, all those bits, and him pretending like he wasn't affected by not getting kissed. I know so upset.

SPEAKER_02 54:20

Even that, it's so mean of production where he's like on the other side, far away, and they're getting him dirtily, and the and Gemma's working with him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:28

It reminded me, you don't watch Australian Survivor, do you? I do. Oh, remember Simon Me Woof, back on what's in my ass. Yeah. That's it. But that's that's it. The season where they made him look so dup every time he was on camera's droop dup music would come on. It's giving that like hot guy, but getting like the dumb boy.

SPEAKER_02 54:48

Yeah, and they're gonna dog walk him through the whole show. They're here to humiliate him.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

We need to talk about his Brad Brooke, who is so gorgeous.

SPEAKER_02 54:58

Okay. Do you know what? There's a lid for every pot. We all see the world differently.

SPEAKER_00 55:02

But in a model way.

SPEAKER_02 55:04

See, to me, models used to look like aliens. They look like the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She looks like a really pretty girl.

SPEAKER_00 55:12

Which is like Australian modelling in Australia. It's not Paris fashion week done. She's not connected.

SPEAKER_02 55:19

You know, I love models, but they're so they almost look ugly in person. Like they look amazing in photos.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

That too, but I'm saying she's like hot. Yeah, totally. But when he says, Oh, she's alright, I was like, shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

To use a phrase I never use, punching.

SPEAKER_00 55:34

Yeah, he's punching. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:36

For sure. Literally because he's short. His friends also looked like they wanted to punch literally.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

Or my there's someone's getting punched in this situation.

SPEAKER_02 55:46

I felt felt bad for the strippers of the cross that night because those boys were coming in hot.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

But also, her looks aside, don't you think she seems a little bit too normal and intelligent to be there? Oh no, she's not.

SPEAKER_02 55:57

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 55:58

I was like, I actually think you're totally normal.

SPEAKER_02 56:01

I think she's gonna have a bad time because she's gonna be normal. Yeah. Like, and I think she's gonna find it really weird, this whole environment. I've paired her with a lunatic.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

I like that she didn't kiss him. I thought that was a gimmick that felt natural and not like the knee thing or the rings thing. I was like, this is like a little quirky bit at the wedding that felt like no, she's like, I'm not gonna fucking issue.

SPEAKER_02 56:24

I didn't like her saying, where are the inches about him?

SPEAKER_00 56:27

That, yeah. Again, I think Gemma was behind that.

SPEAKER_02 56:30

But imagine if he'd said, I'll show you the inches later.

SPEAKER_00 56:32

That would have been amazing.

SPEAKER_02 56:34

And probably it's not that he's not that quick. He sure is not that quick on the field or on the tools. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:40

No, no, no, no, no. Um, but at dinner though, his family are all like, he's just putting this on, he's a tough nut to crack, and she's like, I'm gonna crack that nut. I was kind of like weirdly like invested in this storyline now.

SPEAKER_02 56:54

What about when they were like, um, he's like, yeah, he cooks and like he'll clean up straight away, and she's like, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 57:00

He sounds like an anal criteria.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

No, but as Bridge, how low is the bar that just the man cleans up and it's like, whoa, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 57:08

But also he sounds like like a neat freak. Oh, he is for sure. Which I think is giving control.

SPEAKER_02 57:13

Everything about him is control.

SPEAKER_00 57:14

Control. It's not coming from like a I love to tidy up way. It's like a you better fucking everything has to be he's critical of everyone else. He thinks he's perfect. When they were talking about cheating, and he's like, I would never do that. I'm not that kind of guy anymore. I'm like, let's see, mate. But you've never been in a relationship, you've never had a chance to but him already saying that like he's the best, he would never do that.

SPEAKER_02 57:35

I'm like, Oh yeah, you got some tickets on yourself, mate, and I don't know if they're virtue untested is no virtue at all. Because have a relationship! Hello what? You've got it at the wa. Hello what? I just want to say as well, it's interesting how much we're already seeing uh power. Like, power's really present in the um power dynamics, the struggle for power, who has it, who doesn't, you're sleeping there, can't I sleep here?

SPEAKER_00 58:02

Yeah, it's like men should do this, women should do this, but like so overt now. Yes, we're living in Pauline Hansen's Australia.

SPEAKER_02 58:10

My question of the year is um, are you okay? And I'm really this is the year of are we okay? No. I don't know if we're okay.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

The answer is absolutely fucking not.

SPEAKER_02 58:19

According to maps, we are not okay. The straights are certainly not okay. The straights are not in the limo. But the gays also the gays, well, we didn't Hello.

SPEAKER_00 58:27

Hello, get out of the limo. You're not in the limo. The gays are not in the limo. That's what we know.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

Yeah. Gays need to find the limo. Oh my god. I'm just a gay standing in front of a limo asking you to let me in.

SPEAKER_00 58:42

Uh, Chris also gets put in the doghouse um the first night as well. Which again, power move. Yeah. And the ladies. What's can't you sleep next to someone? Like I think they need to fuck. Yes. On the night of the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 58:58

Yeah, it depends on the couple, but in general, I would say there should be something. You should want to do some heavy petting, let's say.

SPEAKER_00 59:06

Yeah, that's what they all say. They're like a lot of cut kisses and curls. No intimacy. Was there any intimacy?

SPEAKER_02 59:12

Was there full release?

SPEAKER_00 59:14

Is that what those are? No. Alison.

SPEAKER_01 59:17

Was there full release? Was there full release? How many fingers did you put in his ass? You know, it's important to have more than one finger in the ass.

SPEAKER_00 59:28

Uh they go to the Hunter Valley for their honeymoon. Love the Hunter Valley. That was actually cute. And he's actually into her now.

SPEAKER_02 59:38

I think he was into her from the future.

SPEAKER_00 59:39

Nature, but he's pretending like he's too good for everything.

SPEAKER_02 59:42

Firstly, he's never been around a woman before. So he's just like, you're not my mother, and I can touch your boobies.

SPEAKER_00 59:47

A real biological woman.

SPEAKER_02 59:52

Is that the chorus of Holly Balance's? Yeah, she's sponsored this episode. Real biological woman, Holly Balance.

SPEAKER_00 59:59

Let's should we play a little game of uh Who the fuck are these people? No, um Melest Marry Murder.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:07

Oh my god, is that the new one? Yeah, I've just Oh wow, I don't want to molest anyone, but let's say it's a consensual Okay, consensual daddy section.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:17

It's fuck Mary Kill. Okay, great. Um kill myself. Duh. Marry Maps. Marry Haloa. And fuck the police. Um no. Kill Halo.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:31

Kill Haloa. She said Mary Daddy. Alright, maybe all it can be all three. Hey Halo.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:37

Fuck Haloa.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:38

Ooh. And then hide the body.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:42

Who would you fuck Mary Kill? I mean. Well, you know I want to fuck Luke. The farmer. The farmer.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:48

He's on top of the pyramid. Living. Except we need to get him some caffeine or a shot of something. Adrenaline. He's asleep on house cranes. But that's also kind of hot about him. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because he's like dopey and sleepy. Um medicated. Meredith Marsh. I think I want to kill big uh what's her name? Mel. Pink, pink, think, pink.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:14

I think I'm with you on that. I find her the most aggressively offensive so far.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:18

Yeah. And I think the world would be a better place.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:22

And marrying. Drew's out on that so far.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:33

Maybe Gia.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:34

I might want to fuck the older man we haven't met yet.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:36

I think Gia and I would have fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:38

Gia, I would hang out with.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:40

Yeah. I want to drink some fucking like watermelon.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:42

Well, then didn't Gia go on the girls up being like, why aren't we getting fucked up?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:46

No, I love that thirst scene. She's like, why aren't we all getting fucked?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:49

I know. And then to find out she was a mother and stuff, I was a bit like, dude, you could chill a little bit. Like, this is a lot. Like, she feels like she's recapturing something.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:58

I don't care if you've got a kid as long as you're a good mother. I'm like, oh, okay. No, I do. What are you doing? Child protection? He's like, I'm gonna need to see receipts of your parenting. I was like, oh right.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:09

I will require surveillance.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:10

She's like, I am the best mother ever.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:12

I'm like, I don't know that you are because you're at the Playboy mansion getting lit, doll. Which is weird. She's a disability support worker.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:18

Yeah, I'm gonna marry her. Okay, and we're gonna raise that child together. Great. Or would it be? And Haloa can join.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:25

Okay, I'm now marrying Haloa. I'm marrying Haloa. I'm gonna um fuck the other friend that was there with them. No, I'm gonna oh my god, I'm fucking succession um blonde lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The blonde. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:38

And um And you're gonna be sub as fuck.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:41

And I'm gonna marry the cousin uncle that spilled the beans.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:45

Oh yes! Because he needs help. He needs help. And he was quite sweet. He was actually genuine. I love a project. He's like, oh my god, was I not supposed to say anything?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:54

Yeah, he knew it. But he just felt like, oh mate, I didn't know. And I'm so happy to be here, and we haven't seen each other in so long. And I was like, Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:03

The acting they make the family members do, especially when it's like, was it Beck that was like, guys, guess what I'm doing? And they're all sat around with full hair and makeup.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:13

I just wonder what production told them they were filming. Like a documentary on personality disorders? Like, what? Like, what do you think's happening, mum and dad? Say the biggest losers. Oh no, not for Beck. That's so mean. I know.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:30

I'm going straight to hell for that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:32

But it was Beck, right? The one who she has lost the weight. So she was the one who sat her parents down and did that? Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:38

With what's her accent? It's like South Australian accent or something. South Australian.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:42

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:43

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:45

Yeah, it's look, I'm still not MAFs fit yet. I'm finding this really overwhelming. Me too. We're learning a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:51

It was a lot this week. Um, mental health-wise, I'm still not sure where I'm at, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:58

And let's be honest, the beginning of MAFs is nothing compared to the middle and end of MAFs.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:03

Everything we'll be saying mid and post season. We'll be completely we'll listen, we'll listen back to this and we'll be like, wow, we were crazy. That was all wrong.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:11

We I also think the end of MAFs is often not that great. The middle of the state.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:14

Yes, end is when it's kinda alright. Yeah. Because we kind of know what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:18

And they try and hype up the final vows, but it's always a bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:22

So far, we're not gonna play who do you think is just here for attention because they all are. But who do you think? Do you think anyone is here really looking for any kind of relationship?