A Melbourne Match (w/ Fatima Sabdia)

Bloody G’day Cringe kiddies! The off season continues with a candid check-in with Fatima Sabdia to recap Hallmark’s latest atrocity, ‘A Melbourne Match’. This down under romcom is a hate crime against Narrm and its people so we just HAD to talk about it. Georgie, our girl, is a burnt out travel writer who needs to slow down on the coast and what better way to see Melbs than with an ex-footy plying tradie in a ute. The two tear this film apart and also check in on The Traitors and all the Beckham feud goss.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This podcast was produced on the land of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Welcome to Australia! Someone who is such a connoisseur of reality television.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Come you farm girl.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

Oh, come on. She's excited.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

She's I mean, she's only canine.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Mm-hmm. She's got her favorite bitch in town. She does, it's my favorite bitches. Both on the couch. Look at us. Who would've thought?

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Who would have thought? How you going for Tamer?

SPEAKER_03 0:38

Oh, pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Pretty good. It's okay if you're a bit tired. I'm a bit tired, actually.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

That's a bit of a different unusual kind of day.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I keep getting advertised. I'm quite tired, actually.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

You've got the voice down, Pat.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Like you've you've got it.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

It's that late Jan fucking let's get back into it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Yearning for that period after Christmas, before New Year's.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Oh my god, can you hear that? Yeah. It's fucking Aldi Dog. It's fucking Aldi Dog. Right on cue, just as we press record. So for those who don't know, there is a dog that we've come to call Aldi Dog.

SPEAKER_04 1:18

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Because the owner leaves it out the front of Ldi. And it's pressed. It's not it's it's stressed.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

It's so stressed. This happens every day. Who has the energy to go grocery shopping every day, first of all?

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Sometimes multiple times a day.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Oh, that's insane. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah, no, we've this morning there was an Aldi Dog my met as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:39

God, it's it's a very look, it's a very sad situation. This poor dog has separation anxiety. But hey, if you're in need of a pet, come to Aldi.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Hang out with this dog every couple of days. I'm this close to just RSPC. Taking it out. I mean, yeah. Taking it out? What do you mean? Taking it to the shelter where it can get a better owner. Of course that's what I meant.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

You you're taking it to the farm, aren't you? Taking it to the farm. Oh god. Um, yeah, look, for welfare, I'm gonna have to take Frida with me when I leave today. I'm sorry. You can't be trusted, Sam.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

I think I think that people would agree. I would never take Frida to the farm. She's too cute. I didn't think she would never behave like that.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

No, it's true.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Disgraceful That's true.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Look how good she's sitting.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

She's been cute.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Uh we need to talk about the Beckham drama.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_00 2:34

I love all the babies like people saying, like, finally, 2026 has started. There's some drama.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

Yes!

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Strap yourselves in.

SPEAKER_03 2:41

Oh my god, I love it. But yeah, I'm really into the part where he was talking about how you came out for his first dance with his new wife.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

First dance is the best bit.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

Good old Vicky was there instead. And dancing inappropriately.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

The inappropriately part, I'm like, say more. So like was she was it like a grind? Was it like a a slut drop and a grind? Was it like one of the like was it a surely?

SPEAKER_03 3:07

Ooh, like I don't know. I would have thought that's too much movement for dear old Posh. Like she's very stiff. She's not known for movement.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

She was always the hand, remember? It wasn't. She'd always do this one, like down the barrel, and just hand.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Yeah. Yeah. Most she most she does these days is move the chin up and down, you know. That's that's it.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

But find the angle, find the I love as well. Like Bethany Frankel of all people has weighed in, being like, Oh, of course she does. I know Brooklyn is just like, oh my god, bitch. Like, we get it.

SPEAKER_03 3:40

Oh, good old Beth.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

She's like, you know, the Brits do it differently. It's like, shut up. Shut the fuck up, Bethany. What are you talking about? What are you fucking talking about?

SPEAKER_03 3:54

I do love how her career has just turned into her just talking about random shit that she has no business talking about.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

She's like an authority. She and then the connection is she's like, I know some of their family because of the sauce. I'm like, of course there's a sauce involved.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

That uh yeah, that's been my day, just um keeping up on all of the fabulous memes.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

I love it. It's a little bit it reminds me of my family, you know what I mean? Like I was probably very close to outing my family drama on the gram like that.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Inappropriate dancing?

SPEAKER_03 4:27

There's a lot of in not dancing, but inappropriate behaviour.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I just love it because it's yeah, I think about messy family drama like that we would have, but then you're super famous, so it's way more juicy.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

Oh yeah. Yeah. But I don't know, I just feel like maybe a little little old Brooklyn shouldn't be so surprised. I mean, his mum's name is Posh.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

They did start and they are brand Beckham.

SPEAKER_03 4:50

They are brand Beckham. But also, like, surely he knows about the dads cheating at this point. It's like it's not a bit, it's not like surprising that they care about appearances.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

You're sorry. It's a little bit like one of the Kardashians, just randomly being like, G guess what, everyone? Our family is a brand machine, and we're like, yeah, we we fucking know, guys. Are you new here? Do you want to tap out? Like, also who paid for that wedding, Brooklyn? Because I'm gonna say it was Ms. Posh. But actually, no, the wife is fucking like they're like even richer, I reckon. Super rich. So actually.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

Yeah, like I think her family's worth like over a billion. Yeah. But the Beckham's aren't like that far behind.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Totally. She's crazy. I do need the we are gonna need to release the tapes of the dance move. No, I mean the first dance.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Like, please. Yeah. For the love of God. I need to see it. Although maybe that's why she's she cares so much about image, is because that's what she's doing behind closed doors. Like maybe she's one of those mums that's like too in love with their stuff.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Well, that it's giving that. Yeah. It's giving like my boy.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Although I did see a meme about it. Someone brought back up Brooklyn's photography era and how shitty those photos were. And it's just like, I'm sorry, I just don't believe that they were so that your parents were this bad. Like, they clearly supported this fucking horror story.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Yeah. Brooklyn is quite handsome, I would say. In like a kind of Timothy Chalonet kind of way. Like it's it's not my not for me.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

I mean, look, me in high school would have fallen head over heels for it.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's got that teen heart. He does, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

And he does that like weird fucking expression where like the eyebrows kind of come in and you've got this weird like ski slope situation happening. Yeah, I'm just not into it. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

I think my favourite meme was the Jamae one that I was before. It's oh my god, I missed it. What was it? Remember that scene from one of the fucking Jamae shows where she's like slut dancing on like the jock at school? It's like that as well. Oh, I love that. It's real good.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

I love that. I saw another one where it was uh Lisa Rinner dancing all the catwalk.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Yes, it was like in the same bunch as that. Rinna on the catwalk being like.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

I actually don't know if Vicky's image is gonna recover from the Lisa Rinner comparison.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Speaking of, you're not watching The Traders US.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

No, I didn't know it was out.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Yeah, there's like we're up to like Ep, I don't know, six or something at this point. How is it? Rina is on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:29

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

I mean, don't you think that's a bit of an unfair advantage because of the housewives? Well, Rina was uh she was a she was already playing the trader game on that show.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Totally. And no, this is the thing. So without giving away too much, like, yes, there are housewives on the show, and yes, there some of the traders are housewives, but they do this every year where like because they're all in these little factions, so you've got like people that were on Love Island and people that were on Survivor and whatever. People start doing maths where they're like, well, at least one of those people's gotta be a trader. It's so boring. Yeah, so that's kind of not fun. But Rina, there is a good line from this week's episodes where Rina takes out another housewife and she goes, Rina, you bitch.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

Oh, surprise, surprise.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

So I did like that line. Um, but yeah, it's well, who else is on there? Uh a really hot guy, Rob Ross, the snake wrangler. I don't know, he was on a love, a love situation show. Uh Colton Underwood is on it.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Who's driving me nuts? Uh, and then controversially, Michael Rappaport. Yeah. Which it's like, I get that we're doing this now with casting where it's like putting on like controversial. Yeah, controversial people, so we all go, Whoa, I don't want to watch that, and then do exactly that. But that being said, um look, I do get the choice.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

He is pretty into the like reality TV, but I just feel like he does reality TV enthusiasts a disservice, you know? He does. He really does. But he's not hot, he doesn't have a good moral compass.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

No, but he didn't know. I yeah, and he did ruin the show, and they need to stop casting people like that.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

It's as fucking simple as that.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

I mean, it's it's crazy that we have to keep saying this, but enough old white men, please.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yeah.

unknown 9:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

I'm trying to think else is on it that you might know.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

See, I think that's why I only watched the UK version.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Well, it's the only one you need to watch. That's so that's on at the same time. And is way better. Uh-oh. Just watch that. Yeah. Honestly. I do need to watch it. At this point. Um that's only got a week left, I think. And that's so quick. It's very good. Yeah, because I got like three a week. But it's um that's been a very fun time. And sexy fun cast, your love. Ooh. Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

Love, love, love.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

But we're here today to talk about. And this is so funny. I feel like the pot is like slowly uh pivoting to Hallmark content.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

I am honestly so here for it.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Not by choice, it just keeps happening because Paul Mitzi and I famously cover finding Mr. Christmas every year around Christmas time because it's such a fun show. But um, I think my algorithm now is like giving me Hallmark stuff, and then this popped up, and I was like, hang on, there's a Hallmark movie coming out in the Starter Jan themed around Melbourne. Sorry, Melbourne. Sorry, Melbourne. Yep. And I was like, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

I could not even tell you the screen, the squeal that I let out when I saw the trailer is truly Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

So they've always got to bend with these movies, are always the same thing, you know, it's boy meets girl, they fall in love, but this one happens and motherfucking Melbourne.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

Oh my god, Melbourne! Look at us making it to Hallmark.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

And I gotta say, I do blame Loon for this film. Well, because remember when there was that New York Times article about could this be the world's best croissants in Melbourne, and then everyone like lost their shit. And then that was when people in America started realizing that we have nice things here.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

Yep. Yeah, yep, we've got to blame Loon for something.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

And this is the film version of that article, I would say. Don't you think? Like it's kind of advertising, but it doesn't feel it definitely wasn't like it. I don't know, it doesn't feel like it was SponCon, don't you think? I feel like if it was SponCon, it would be better.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

Like that was But it's hallmark, so better is relative.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

True, but remember there was that Glenn Powell Sydney Sweeney movie set in Sydney? Oh yeah, I didn't watch that one. It was fully funded by like Tourism, New South Wales. Yeah, fair enough. And you can tell because it makes Sydney look like fucking unbelievable. This movie did like an alright job of making Melbourne look cute, but I wasn't like I wasn't like, oh my god, can't wait to hop on a plane and go there. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Well, that's the thing. All of the like locations that they shot at were like arguably like the most Instagrammable travel shots like ever.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Yeah, but yeah, but but then then they also didn't really go anywhere. They never like specified anywhere. Except, oh hang on. Apollo Bay, they did. Apollo Bay and St. Kilda, but no, there was no like we're at like Hosie Elaine, or do you know what I mean? Yeah, true. They're like, here's some generic street art. Yeah, that she reckons should be in a gallery.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

And I was like, that's what they try to do.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Fuck, she was annoying. Um, should we recap this? Please horrendous film. It's called a Melbourne Match. Let's it's available now somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

Uh if you didn't already know, Hallmark has their own like streaming.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Also we're timing to drop this now during like the open, but like there was no tennis content. I don't know. I thought that was a missed opportunity.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

That's so true. Although I feel like those audiences wouldn't necessarily align.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Hallmark people and tennis people? Yeah. I don't know, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

I feel like Americans I really I rarely meet tennis people these days.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

No, true. My idea of a tennis person is like a a Belgian lesbian couple.

SPEAKER_03 13:33

Mine is a boy in late high school.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Oh that's what I think of.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

And and their dad that forced them into it. Sensible. I don't know though, that I could be biased because I think that's what happened to my cousin.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Oh my god. Um so this film starts. We're in New York, and uh Georgie is our lead. But first the names were coming up of like the editors and stuff, and the editor's name was Charlotte Cutting. And I was like, Charlotte B cutting. Charlotte do be cutting. Uh shout out to you, girl. Uh Georgie is our lead. She works in travel.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

She's a travel journalist.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

And she's working so hard.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

She's working so hard. She's writing the 24-hour column, so she's, you know, culprit girl to the max. She's living that life. She's grabbing her croissants.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Go, go, freaking go. Running from job to job. She's just been in New Orleans writing that weekend piece about what to do in New Orleans on the weekend.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

Yeah, and we don't even know. We still don't know.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Still have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

She's shit at her job.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Her boss um is like, oh.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

What, like the only black man in the movie?

SPEAKER_00 14:38

The only black man in the film.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

Total screen time, 30 seconds. Total screen.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

We do I mean, we'll get to it later, but there is a uh First Nations person that introduces us to a koala, which I was like I thought he was Kiwi. He was totally Kiwi, but but I was dying at that. But shut the fuck up. Yeah. Oh I think I do. Oh my god, okay. But getting out of our stuff. At this point, only person of colour available is the boss, and he is like, girl, you gotta stop rushing. Rushing around, you gotta start really, you know, touching the grass a bit. Um and to do that, I think I've got the city for you. Because you know, your job is just like ranking and rating cities.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

24 hours was all she got.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

How do I get this job?

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Honestly, I wouldn't be complaining. Also, I found it, I don't know, just a little plot hole, but yeah, I just feel like if you're traveling that much, all you could write the article on the plane. But she like rushes back into the office and then starts writing the article.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

True, true, true. Has she not heard of that? Or also just like, I don't know, I is there no hate child apartment? I just thought it was funny because the boss was the person saying to her, you need to slow down and stop being so stressful. I'm like, you're the boss. Stop giving her unrealistic fucking deadlines and give her a break. And then maybe she'll do you know what it is.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Well, you know, he came through.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

He did so, but only because he couldn't go.

SPEAKER_03 16:09

Yeah, I think I think they were like insinuating that he was gonna like leave his job and was like getting her primed and ready to take his position. Yeah, so that sounds dirty.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

He's like, I've got the perfect city for you for a bit of mixing it up.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Bitter RNR.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Yeah. And she's like, Melbourne.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

And she goes, Florida. And he's like, aha ha.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

He goes, nah, bitch, long-term flight to bloody number.

SPEAKER_04 16:35

What?

SPEAKER_00 16:38

And it's a a one-week trip, which I love. This is so America as well. I was like, that is such a short trip. I would not fly to Australia from New York for one week.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

No way.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

There's well two weeks ten days minimum. If your work was paying for the travel though, you would you would. But it's not like that. But then you'd take leave for another week and then just get the bitch has no fucking idea what she's doing.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

But for them, that is a long time off.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

It's so true. Yeah. And I love that um in these types of movies, your like corporate busy gal only has one friend. Like only one that she'll talk to about tell everything to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

And obviously in this case it's her sister, because this woman is the sister who, yeah, does not I was fully expecting a circle back on the sister, but Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

I think it was just trying to demonstrate that no, she's got a family of some description.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Yeah, so the sister's like um she rocked up at this sister's house and she's like, I need to go. I need to pack right now. I've just been told I'm going to Australia, and I'm like, going right now. And the sister's like, okay, why are you here? And she's like, Well, I can't go back to my place because that would take too much time. Um here, so I need your clothes. This is not it's just like you're the worst.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

Yeah. Just as for the sister.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Truly. But she was yeah, she was good. She was like, you need to eat whole food. That's none of this processed crap.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah. And you need to look after yourself. And then she says you might meet a hot surfer, so maybe pack like a bikini. And she's like, Oh, I'm not gonna have time for the beach.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Which is also such a fucking wild concept when your whole job is to travel, like, I won't have time for the beach.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

What do you mean? Why does half of this film take place on the beach? It's Melbourne, like come on, it's not fucking Bar and Bay. What is this? The whole thing should have been fucking said in Brunswick.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

No, we've gotta get out of the big city lifestyle.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Yeah, true. Uh anyway, she runs. Oh, so they're already introducing like a strong food theme. There's lots of food discussion, which I was like, I don't know where this is gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Um then she boards the flight and arrives at uh world famous airport Telemaraine. But did you notice they did not actually shoot this? They did not shoot it at Telemarine. At like a hospital or something. Yeah. Yeah. Which was a bummer. I would have loved it.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

If it was actually Telemar, yeah. At the Sky bus.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

The Skybus Q Well, this is the thing. So she firstly she tries to go to a vending machine and it doesn't work, and I'm like, maybe we are at Telemarine. Then she tries, oh my god, did you see at Midsommar Carnival the Melbourne Airport Pride fan? No! I love corporate pride merch, but the best one I saw was Melbourne Airport, had like rainbow fans, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Stop it.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

I know I was like, that's iconic.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Oh my god, I can't believe I missed that. That's devastating. If anyone still has one, give it to me.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Reach out, please. Her driver doesn't arrive. I was like, yep, checks out. Uh but then I'm like, Diva, get on the Sky bus. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 20:08

She's a helpless little woman waiting for a man to come save her. If she was independent, this wouldn't be a movie.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

No, she needs to be a useless woman, like all women films. Yeah, I mean in the Homak universe. She almost gets run over, and this is the Meet Cute. This is where this is it. Zach.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

Who is Zach?

SPEAKER_00 20:33

Hunkers, driver.

SPEAKER_03 20:35

He's so I the whole the whole movie. I was thinking that.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

Do I like it?

SPEAKER_00 20:41

I can't tell. He's had a bit of work, that guy. So this is Ryan Corr, is his name. He's been in so much stuff, including really good films like Holding the Man. Um, I don't know. He's like a bit of a prolific Aussie actor, but he's also one of those ones where yeah, you don't really like I had to look up his name.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

Yeah, I just assumed I wouldn't know him.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Yeah. And I don't. He's also doing a lot of the this genre at the moment, because he was in that other movie with Deborah Melman called Kangaroo, which also came out last year. Oh my god, and that was like a rom-com kind of thing. Do you know what I mean? And can we just talk about the accent? So, like, he is an Australian actor, but that accent was giving like, oh, get a there, Missy. Yeah. Great to meet you. Welcome to the bloody jam. Like, he was putting that on.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

He was, but also like when you I mean, if you could see his outfit, he's wearing a little like flannel with some shorts and like Tim's like full like tradey.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Like loved the tradey angle. When they were like he's a tradey, I was like, fuck yeah. Film should have been called trade once it later.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

Well, because that's what real Australian people are blue collar.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Literally. Yeah. And he's picking her up from the airport in his ute, and he's like, Oh my dad. Now I'm making a really big me dad's fucking car company's fucked up. And she's like, what?

SPEAKER_03 22:11

And this woman is horrified because she booked a luxury car service. And this she's a prissy bitch. And this grotty man shows up in a dirty ass fucking car. What was it? Like a Wrangler or some some shit that looks like that. Land Rover. Land Rover?

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Something like that. But it was like a real bush basher.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

And she gets in the wrong side, which was actually quite cute. I thought that was a cute moment where she gets in the driver's day. Because I have done this the very first time I ever went to a country that drives on the other side. I did this into the cab at the airport. And the the driver was like, oh ho ho ho ho.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

That's pretty fucking good.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

And he does the same joke where he's like, Oh, you're gonna drive, I am that's so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

I just find it I mean, I I mean that's cute too, but I'm also like 18. But like just get in the back seat. You don't know this man. You don't know this man! You apparently hate this dude. Why are you sitting next to him, huh?

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Anyway, then we get some incredible stock footage of Sunny Nam.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

Uh looking hot, but like clearly not actually filmed by this film group. I straight up Googled. Yeah, but not the book.

SPEAKER_03 23:25

Thank you, thank you, Getty Images.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

It was yeah, it was watermark stuff, but it was nice. But they do this is what I hate. They always do the like the bathing boxes.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

That pissed me off. That pissed me right off.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Who the fuck is hanging out in Brighton? In fucking Brighton or whatever. No, Soz. Uh, and then I love this. She's like, I'm gonna need a car a quaffi. And he's like, ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. You've come to the bloody right city for that. And she's like, Oh yeah. Cool. And then she's like, Well, I've got this list of cafes. And he's like, whoa, stop it right there. Yeah, take you to my favourite place. And then he goes, Take you to the best place to get coffee, St. Kilda. They are in Talamoraine. Excuse me?

SPEAKER_03 24:16

Oh god, yeah. But like he was he said, oh, traffic won't be that bad. It'll be 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Traffic will be 30 minutes, my ass. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

Yeah, I don't know. Well, you know, maybe maybe.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

But I just thought that was outrageous. I thought that was a good one. They could have done a GYG drive-thru in like fucking Thomas Town or something. But anyway, instead we get uh her not knowing how to order a coffee, which was quite funny, and so she ends up ordering every coffee.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

Mm-hmm. Uh yeah, he's gone to park the car, so she's left to her own devices, the silly woman.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

She's like, So how do I order a thing? Even though she's a fucking like travel, right? We're supposed to believe she's like an experienced travel journalist. Yeah, yeah. And after that, he's like, I'm gonna take you to an art gallery. But record scratch, we do things a little differently.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

No NGV on his watch.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Yeah, she's like, is it the NGV? He's like, nah, bitch. It's fucking outdoor.

SPEAKER_03 25:23

Yeah, that's it. It's the real Melbourne.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Fucking I couldn't tell where this was.

SPEAKER_03 25:29

Me neither, but I also didn't want to know.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Me, the whole thing. Yeah, of all of the Melbourne street art, they picked the one they picked the worst one, and she was it was literally just like some mural, like you know, that when it's boring, murals have like faces, but it because it's realistic, people are like, oh, that's good. Yeah, but it just it's just like a person's face.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

Yeah, at least make it a caricature, you know. Exactly, or at least make it like I don't know. Put a speech bubble on it.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Yeah, make it funny.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Oh yeah, yeah, it was very that.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

It was very that. Oh, we forgot to say part of the brief for this trip to Australia is like they wanted like a locals experience, this this real like local experience, you know? Yeah, none of this to get in the nitty-gritty, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

So that's why she goes, Oh, light bulb moment, I'm gonna get this hot tradie to drive me around all week. Firstly, I was like, the carbon emissions, honey, get on a tram.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Secondly, she doesn't have time to take an hour to get from this city to St. Kilda.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

But did you think, does she want to fuck him at this point, or is she genuinely thinking about the article?

SPEAKER_03 26:44

I think she does want to fuck him, but I think it's also been that it's like too long since she's done anything that she doesn't really realise that that's what she's feeling.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

She hasn't thought about herself and her needs in years.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

In the rat race, you guys. She just doesn't even have time to rub one out. It's a very highly strong woman.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

And I love, he's like, sure, I'll do that. And I'm like, classic tradey. This is why you can't buddy get anything built around here, my right. Yeah, driving people around.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

They're all off fucking people that they maybe shouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Then, oh my god, this bit killed me. She's like doing like a voice memo at home for the article, and she's like, so Melbourne reminds me of the best parts of New York with some San Francisco and Vancouver with a sprinkle of Europe. And I was like, shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

How many other continents do you want to like? No, but I was like, what?

SPEAKER_00 27:42

No mention of Asian culture in this whole film.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

I don't spend much time in St. Kilda, but what is the Asian population? No, but do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 27:51

Like, I just was a bit like that's such a dumb bitch read. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, for a travel journalist, she is not well traveled journalists. She's not doing very well. I mean, if you have to generalize, it reminds me of Europe. A little bit of Europe.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

A little bit of Europe. And then Which Europe? She has Tim Temps, which I was like, okay. It really is like a basic bitch beginner list of stuff. Because then we get, oh my god, then next day they go to brunch on like a South Bank, like floating. I was like, oh. I wanted to lean in and like slap him and like to be like, girl, I'm gonna take you out for real seas. Yeah. And we're gonna do like overpriced brunch. Yes. Somewhere cute.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

I think a trade is a really good guide for like food. Far North Queensland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you need a gay for Melbourne.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

Yes, you do. And then he's like, try this, and it's like Veggie Mite. And I'm like, we just had the Tim Tam like.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

Yeah, that fucking killed me. It's an acquired taste.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

And then this is when some rando is like, oh is that Pato? Pato Fuck me. Trouble you for a selfie, mate. And he's like, oh. Yeah. Alright. And she's like, hang on, are you famous? He's like, oh no. Oh, nothing to say here. Uh so he's a humble celeb, we find out. Which I can't love this.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Local ledge.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

But we don't know why yet. I was like, is he like a convicted sex criminal?

SPEAKER_03 29:31

Now's the time to guess if you're listening to this. I guarantee you you'll probably be right. Like whatever's whatever first thought popped into your head, the most stereotypical one.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

Yeah, that's what he is.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

But write it down, see if you're all right.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Yeah. He's a Kyle Sanderland style shock jock. Oh yes. Um. Then we get a montage of trams, Lunar Park, uh, the Botanic Gardens, and food. And then she goes, Who knew that one city could have it all?

SPEAKER_01 30:04

Girl. Girl.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

This is when we meet um Dazza, who was totally Kiwi, or like someone or something, but they were totally trying to make it out like he was this like Aboriginal elder.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

I think at that point, there was definitely a certain point around this area where I literally had to stop and go have a cigarette. I was like, alright, this is what I've this is this. I was like, alright, this is what I'm in for.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

This poor bloke, they're like, you're here to like look like you're somehow like connected to like this and introduce her to a koala. And they're like, oh, normally the sanctuary's closed at this time, but for this bloke, oh yeah, what's his name? Paddo. For Padder, I'll fucking do anything, mate.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

Oh yeah. And then uh, yeah, he get we get a little bit of a sassy moment, a bit of foreshadowing. She says, like, I don't know, she's really getting along with the koala, and he's like, and I was like, Oh, he's really taking a liking to you. Obviously, talking about the guy.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Yeah, and then the camera just pans straight to the guy, and Daz is in the background pointing, being like, him, we meant him, not the koala.

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Not the koala. Um, but silly woman, she doesn't know.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Imagine the film if she ended up going with the koala instead. That could have been real spicy.

SPEAKER_03 31:23

Well, she would have really gotten a local experience.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

Yeah, it could have been a real first.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

Congratulations on your first chlamydia.

unknown 31:29

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

That would have been a great film.

SPEAKER_03 31:32

That would have been so good. And then it just turns into like the B movie.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Oh man. Uh, then Zach's like, I'm gonna take you to a real posh restaurant. It's called the fucking beach. Fish and chips, heard of it? Yeah. Uh and we meet his dog, Snoopy. Uh little shit. Who runs over, and then this was so dumb. But there's always in every Hallmark movie, there's always a moment where like a dog like is integral to this the plot moving forward. Like, and in this case it's the dog runs off, and then in one of the bathing boxes. Firstly, could have told you he was a rich cunt. Um, he's got a bathing box. Mm-hmm. Secondly, it opens up and there's posters of him. And he's a footy player.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

Oh my god, guys! This is an AFL legend. Was it AFL? I don't I don't know, sports.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

It was AFL, yeah. Which he explains in this really awkward way, where he's like, I used to play football. Australian rules style. Shut up.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

I don't know if you guys have clocked it yet, but would you like to take a guess at says um what his reason for not wanting to talk about his career?

SPEAKER_00 32:48

I feel like it was like Richmond colours or something.

SPEAKER_03 32:50

I thought it was like the I thought it was magpie looking.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Oh, was it?

SPEAKER_03 32:53

I don't know, I swear it was like black and white.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

I thought it was fucking yellow. Anyway. I was like, she scored. She got an ex-free player tradie. Yes, please. Yeah. I was kind of here for it.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

But no, you guys was actually really sad that he had to he had to leave his career because he tore his ACL. First person to ever do so.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Traumatized. So now he's yeah, really traumatized by football.

SPEAKER_03 33:16

He doesn't like to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

Doesn't more talk about it because you know, bottle that shit up. It just hurts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

So much potential.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

Trauma. Uh also everyone's like Rotto and Dazzer and Pato and shit in this movie. It was like a lot.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Um I actually thought it was quite offensive.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Do people still do that anymore?

SPEAKER_00 33:36

I mean, yes, but like, oh it just felt it's always ham-fisted. And she's like, Oh. And then Snoopy, no shit, because they turned their eyes for one second. He's like eating all the fish and juice. And I was like, correct, that's what happened. Anyway, um, she wants a coastal road trip, and this princess gets whatever she wants.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Oh yeah, he told her that he wanted to take her to where he grew up.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

So he's like, I'm gonna take you. And then Apollo Bay. So I was triggered by this because I hated it so much. My ex is from Apollo Bay, and I was like, oh my god, are we really doing this? Entitled Rich Pebble from Apollo Bay.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

I was like, I can't. I can't either. My favorite what I hated about that is like it was supposed to be a local fucking trip, and she was supposed to go to like the least the less popular places.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

You can't go to the Great Ocean fucking road.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

It's not a Victorian match.

SPEAKER_03 34:39

Yeah. Like Apollo Bay, really?

SPEAKER_00 34:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 34:43

Come on.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Go to Ballarat.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

That would have been cute.

SPEAKER_03 34:47

Sheppardin. Anyway. Off to July match.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Senator Briggs could have been in it.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

Actually, no, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 34:54

That would have been sick.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

I kind of wanted it to be in Frankston.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

That would have been good.

SPEAKER_03 34:59

Like that would have been authentic.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Um don't forget your Franger. A Mortyalek match. When it storms on the beach, he goes, Ho, you haven't heard about this? Bloody four seasons in one day. I was like, that was when I was like, okay, now I like need to turn this off. So I'm getting mad. And then if that wasn't bad enough, then they go get a pie. Yeah, and then some children. This was this was too much. They're eating like pies. And she's like, What? But it's a pie, but it's got meat in it, and that's it.

SPEAKER_03 35:36

And he's like, Don't knock it till you try it.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

He's like, shut up.

SPEAKER_03 35:39

And he's like, Oh, you gotta have this. It's supposed to be this fucking fancy place. And he gets out the master foods tomato squeeze.

SPEAKER_00 35:45

Squeezy sauce. I was like, absolutely. Some some chutney would have been nicer. Or like a yeah, like a relish. Yeah. And there was like a side salad on the plate that looked really flimsy. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

I have to say that is authentic. Yeah, to like a coastal film if you're yeah, if you're ordering a pie at a pub, that's what you're getting.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

But then then these annoying little kids come up and they're like, oh my god, you were my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

How did they win the competition, by the way? They made it sound really hard to speak their own language.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

They did. And then he's like, get the fuck away from me, you little cunts. And she's like, no, no, no. You should do it.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

We've got time.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

We've got all the time in the world because Because I'm free now.

SPEAKER_03 36:28

I'm free from the shackles of hustle culture. Goodbye, New York. Hello, Melbourne.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

I was like, kill me. Uh then they go to his mate's house, and it's this guy, he's in heaps of shit, this guy, this actor. And his wife is pregnant, and she's a singer, and they're like, Oh, you gotta stay for the performance that we're doing with the whole town, because it's a real community.

SPEAKER_03 36:58

Yeah, and guys, guys, if you can believe it, yeah, our our little hottie, he plays guitar.

unknown 37:04

Of course.

SPEAKER_03 37:04

Just like, oh like, just a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 37:06

It's the trifecta. Tradey footy owns a guitar.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

What more could you want?

SPEAKER_00 37:15

Exactly. Then the blokes have a blokes chat and the girlies have a girlies chat. Because it's a Hallmark movie.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

And then the girl, the pregnant lady's like, have you got a guy back at home? And she's like, Oh no, no boyfriend. Just you know, my emails and my deadlines. I'm married to my job. And I was like, okay, we get it. This one-dimensional character is a workaholic. Yeah. Yes. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

I think also by this point, she's stumbled across some um women's weeklies and she's found herself on the cover of it.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 37:55

Of like, who is this guy?

SPEAKER_00 37:56

Who is he?

SPEAKER_03 37:57

Sorry, yeah, sorry, who is she? Because obviously he's the celebrity.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Yeah, why does everyone have to be famous?

SPEAKER_03 38:03

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

I just love tabloids being like a source of I don't know. Yeah. Uh you know, a catalyst for a plot.

SPEAKER_04 38:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

Who the fuck looks at that shit anymore? Isn't it just like perpetually like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle on the cover now? Who else is there?

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Speaking of, then um the bloke friend is like, so um, I know you're all retired and you're a training now and whatever, but there's a PE teacher job at the local school going, and I was like, that is so offensive.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

It's like you used to be a sports star, surely that would appeal to you. I'm like, Yeah. I feel like that's not the pipeline from ex-footie player. It's like well, go on like maths or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 38:51

I feel well, yeah. I guess it's either it's either maths, convictions for sexual assault.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

Or both.

SPEAKER_03 38:59

Or nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Or you just fade into nothingness.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Yeah, or like radio host, TV personality, but not P Oh PE teacher, yeah. It's not where you want to end up though. But no, that simple life is looking pretty attractive. It's true.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

It is a hallmark movie. They're very anti-fame and money.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

Yeah. It's like throw it all away, move to the bush.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

Follow your heart.

SPEAKER_00 39:24

Were you compelled for a sea change? Me? Yeah. God nerve. And then out of nowhere, a kangaroo knocks them to the ground, which I was like, are we fucking serious right now?

SPEAKER_02 39:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

Yeah, it was supposed to be this fucking thing where they've just, oh, they've just spotted all of these kangaroos in a clearing. And oh my god, just be so careful.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

Like, don't, like, oh, you can't be the hallmark writers are like, the pot's not moving quick, throw in an animal to like push them physically into each other, and then they're like about to kiss, but they don't.

SPEAKER_03 39:59

I have to say that was really annoying for me. And she's like, was that kangaroo gonna hurt me?

SPEAKER_00 40:08

It was my favorite line. And he's like, Not if I fucking had anything to do with it, I would have fucking ripped its head off. He seriously like threatens violence against uh liked national treasure. It was wild. Whatever.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm not into it.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

They uh have their little music festival moment. This was giving like Mumford and Sons the pregnant lady singing, and it's very like, oh, whoa.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

Like, you know, I feel like we've literally all been to a gig where it's just a friend of ours who thinks they can sing, and it's just all about that.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

It was very that, yeah. It felt bad, it felt really bad. I was into it. Um, and then all she goes outside, and then an old man rocks up and he's like, Oh, see that? That's the Southern Cross right there. And then we find out it's Rotto.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

It's fucking Rotto! Fucking Rotto! Yeah, he's been dying to meet dear Georgie Girl.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

So this is the dad that allegedly hurt his back doing god knows what, uh, and couldn't drive her around.

SPEAKER_04 41:17

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

Um, you'd think he'd be a little bit more annoyed about like losing that geek, but oh no, they kept it in the fam.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

Well, sure did.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

Georgia Girl. Then they sing Georgie Girl, the seekers song.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Oh wait, no, wait, no, we're missing a bit. Oh, what I missed. The dad, how he really wanted to meet Georgia Girl because you know, when he when his son called him and said he'd take the job for the rest of the week, he was like, Oh, my son's really been through it.

SPEAKER_00 41:47

That's so how get the milk for free, son. So how that conversation went.

SPEAKER_03 41:53

Oh, it was, but obviously our little New Yorker thought it was a real sweet moment of him being like, I just wanted to know the girl who made my son sound happy again.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

Yeah, because he's been really through it.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

I think he got cheat. I don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_00 42:11

Yeah. Music career. Like this guy sucks.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

I don't know. He had a partner who cheated on him on some fucking stupid shit. Like, who hasn't? Grow up.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

They play Georgia Girl, they have a slow dance. It's cute. Uh then the gay intern from New York calls and is like, Hello, can you get my emails? And she's like, emails, and he's like, Oh, my DMs or my letters that I sent to the hotel room, and she's like, Well, I'm not at the hotel room, I'm in Apollo Bay. I'm here in your little faggot.

SPEAKER_03 42:47

And he's like, Oh, and she slept in, so she's gone back straight to chaos.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Straight to chaos, she has a panic attack because an opening has come up. This is so dumb. An opening has come up at a late night TV show. A big break, you guys. And they just want to have you on because they thought, you know, why not have on a middle of the road travel reporter from New York.

SPEAKER_03 43:14

Yeah, that's what I look for in my late-night television.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

And then she switches straight back into workaholic mode and she's like, fuck this. Yeah, fuck this coastal life, get me back to the city right now.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

I need deadlines, I need and she blames him for making her miss all of the information and says that she wished that their special night the night before never happened, and he's all forlorn and so sad and heartbroken. I think our poor little hero.

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Don't you think work-life balance is really the theme of this film?

SPEAKER_03 43:47

Yes. And I love how with Hallmark movies it's not balance, it's just choose the other option that you've been doing.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

It's very binary. Yeah. Yeah. Throw it all away, throw your phone in the fountain. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:01

Just you know, drink your own piss, live off the live off the land.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

She's back, uh, she gets her shit together for the big night. Um, and then there's this awkward moment. Then this is the bit in every rom-com where it's like, we've made a terrible mistake.

SPEAKER_03 44:17

Yes. Um, oh no, they they won't.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

They won't. He's like, He loves me not. Oh, I'm sorry that I drove you around. This is actually a bit passag. He's like, well, you know, just kind of helped you have this authentic experience and everything. Yeah, blah blah blah. It was a mistake. Guess we'll just leave it there and they part their ways. And she goes to this show hosted by Danny Minogue. Yeah. Did you die? I died. This was the first part of the film. I was like, okay, slay. I was like, this is they've got one thing right, getting Danny Minogue involved.

SPEAKER_03 44:57

I don't know. I have to say I would have preferred Sophie Monk.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

Sophie Monk would have been actually way better.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

Because as soon as you get Danny Minogue, like your first thought is always like, what was Kylie doing that day?

SPEAKER_00 45:07

Always.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

Sorry, Danny, but that's correct. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

She is the host of uh my favourite show, I kissed a boy and I kissed a girl. Which when's that coming back? I love that show. What is that? It's like a BBC. Have you no watch that show?

SPEAKER_01 45:22

No, it's a BBC.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

I'm employed. It's like a queer dating show. It's so good. Uh anyway, Danny's having fun in this role of herself. That's also the dream is when you get to be in a movie playing yourself. Like that's pretty can't.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

I fucking yeah, that's the dream.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

Yeah, no, Danny's good. She's such a bad actor, but she's having a lot of fun. Isn't she?

SPEAKER_03 45:44

Like, she honestly seemed animatronic. She was like, Oh.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

It's yeah, if you thought Jimmy Fallon was rough to watch, you haven't seen nothing yet.

SPEAKER_00 45:56

She goes, Welcome back to After Dark with me, Danny Minogue. Uh but no, I like this reality where she has her late night show. Me too. You know, like fuck Sam Pang off. Like, let's get up Danny Minogue on the air. Uh but then of course, yes, I love that they like tricked her into getting there. So that they're not interested. They're like, tell us about your fucking article. And she's like, So, now's our melting part, and they're all like, Like, this poor bitch was not made for like anything, it seems.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

Like, she couldn't, she obviously had a speech prepared and she's trying to claim the words.

SPEAKER_00 46:35

And then it cuts to everyone in the crowd just literally being like, Yeah, boring. She's like, the coffee's really good here, and they're all like, Oh, shut up. That was like the only realistic part of the film. So true. When everyone was like wanting to kill her for being so basic.

SPEAKER_03 46:51

Yeah, she deserved it.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Um But Danny, the incredible host that she is, ends up what, cutting her off and talking about She's great.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

She goes, So, you've been papped with Pato AFL legend. Tell us are you, aren't they? What's happening? Give us the tea, see. Give us the dictates. Have you yeah, have you done anal yet? It was very that. She just Danny wanted Danny wanted like all of the goss right then and there. It was like an ambush. Was it? Yeah, but like I love that. That's just how we're telling me.

SPEAKER_03 47:30

No, I'm kidding, it was. It was. I just can't believe the like audacity of this fucking bitch to think that she's on an Australian talk show after she's been there for less than a week.

SPEAKER_00 47:40

I know. But then we get the Hallmark motherfucking moment where um she runs off. It's like I can't do this. So she runs off to the rooftop. It's a beautiful skull.

SPEAKER_03 47:52

She sees her boy in the audience watching her, and he said that he was gonna leave because he was upset. Yeah, but then he's there.

SPEAKER_00 48:00

Now that he realizes that he's banging someone that's invited on as a guest on Damon Oak's show, he's like, maybe I could see a future with her.

SPEAKER_03 48:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:11

He's just like, oh, that's how I become a sports reporter.

SPEAKER_00 48:14

Yeah. And then she um they pash.

SPEAKER_02 48:18

And then they pash.

SPEAKER_00 48:19

But she also thanks everyone, all the colourful characters she met along the way, which I'm like, what who like the fucking barista and like the pregnant lady and um obviously our very authentic First Nations man. It was literally like all of the people. I'm like, this is like a 45-minute long film. Like you did not meet very many people, but it was and that's pretty much it. That was pretty much it. Yeah, I was hoping for a bit more. Like, what do you think happened in in our fan fiction? Like, do they stay together? Do you can they just track up down the coast?

SPEAKER_03 48:56

I hate to say it, but I think like she just ends up giving up her career and he works as a school teacher, she'll eventually join as the English teacher, and kids, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

Yeah, and their kids grow up in like Apollo Bay.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:14

But they're like little privileged brats. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 49:20

Fun.

SPEAKER_03 49:21

Yeah, I hated it.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

Um I gotta say, I didn't hate it. I was so ready to like really hate it. No, and I actually like it was terrible, but I did have a few moments. I was like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:34

Yeah, I felt the same way. And I was I would like, look, I was a bit annoyed at myself that this happened, but it no matter how hard I tried to avoid it.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:42

I was rooting for them. Like they did so well with the sexual tension on that.

SPEAKER_00 49:47

I wanted them to fork like straight away. Yeah, this invested in.

SPEAKER_03 49:51

Like that was I'm not a fan of edging, and that's kind of what it was.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

Yeah, that's more formal movies are. That is what they are. You're right. They are.

SPEAKER_03 50:00

I couldn't handle it. Like, come on!

SPEAKER_00 50:03

No, no, I guess I just wanted more from like I yeah, I hate that they went to the coast.

SPEAKER_03 50:08

Me too.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

But I guess that was part of the whole thing, was like it was like an un like a switch-off.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

Yeah, yeah, she was supposed to just get into the laid-back, Aussie lifestyle. But again, I just don't feel like going to all of the like legit touristy spots was a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 50:28

They did a good job of like keeping it nondescript enough so that it wasn't yet too spawn-conny.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

Yeah, they did. But then, you know, if you live here and you're watching it, you're kind of like, oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 50:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, when you're us watching it, I we are not the audience for this film. That's that's the beautiful thing of this recap. Like, we are not at all the Nintendo audience for this film. Like, no one who's ever been to Melbourne is supposed to watch this film.

unknown 50:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

It's the it's like the kind of people that would be on like 90-day fiance, I would say.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

Totally, totally. So now we just sit back and wait for the hordes of millions of Hallmark fans to buy one-way tickets to holiday.

SPEAKER_03 51:09

Well, I guess that's the good thing, is like there wasn't much of the city, so we're safe.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

The inner north is safe. The inner north is Mark safe from Hallmark. Oh my god. Um Fatima, that was so fun. Thank you for indulging me.

SPEAKER_03 51:24

Oh my god, thank you for introducing me to the greatest fucking trainer I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_00 51:28

And we have a bit of an announcement to make, don't we? To our listeners. Dear listeners, um, over on Patreon and Apple subscriptions, we are going to be doing a little mini-series of would you like to tell listeners which show?

SPEAKER_03 51:50

Well, it's like just a little bit. It is a cringe fave. It's below deck down under.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Below Deck Down Under is back. It's season four. And it starts third of third of third thing.

SPEAKER_03 52:03

Have that one burned in the brain.

SPEAKER_00 52:05

Yeah, yeah. So we'll be doing weekly recaps, the two of us. Um, that'll be fun. Go subscribe if you haven't already. Yep. And that'll be fun. Plus, if you do, you get access to all of the other Payward content, which now there's actually quite a bit of a collection building. Got Real Househouse of London over there, got some bonus episodes, you got the Big Brother stuff. It's cute. Go check it out.

SPEAKER_03 52:30

Yeah, check it out. We're gonna get really unhinged on that over on that side. Oh, yeah. It is not gonna be safe for work. Oh, Captain Jason's never safe.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

Plus, I'm excited because it's the season where we get the reverse side of uh the crossover from Salt Lake City. Yeah. Plus wise. So I'm excited to like see that.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

Oh yeah, we'll do it, we'll do a spot the difference.

SPEAKER_00 52:53

Yeah. And there's some great access to the stuff.

SPEAKER_03 52:55

Let's see if we can figure out what actually happened throughout editing.

SPEAKER_00 52:59

Sleuth. Well, babe, until then, uh, see you later.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

Bye.