The Cringe is Real

Aussie Shore - S02E08 (w/ Paul Mizzi)

Sam Cremean

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 49:38

Paul Mizzi is back in the slut hut with Sam to chat Aussie Shore for another week. This week we have Catia and Lachie causing tension in the house coz MUM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING! Manaaki isnt at all phased that Kyle is back in the mix coz hes hotter and San Fran is moving on from Lily.. who’s in a psychiatric facility under secure watch. That and some BBAU, Dating Naked and more..

Find UNCUT bonus content from this episode on Patreon or Apple Subscriptions

Send us a Voice Mail

Support the show

Follow The Cringe is Real on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube & Bluesky

Intro

SPEAKER_02

This podcast was produced on the land of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to Australia!

SPEAKER_01

Someone who is such a con reality television. The content is hideous.

SPEAKER_05

Sorry about this. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

Paul Mitzi, hello darling.

SPEAKER_03

Welcome back. Thank you. Good to be back. You've lost your voice. Yeah, I was in Melbourne over the weekend, so obviously I caught diseases.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, I heard. Uh you came over for a lovely sing-along screening

My Darling in Sterling Sing-a-long

SPEAKER_02

of cult film My Darling and Sterling. Is that correct? Or what of this?

SPEAKER_03

Yes. I um this has been like two years in the making. It's uh my probably the biggest passion in my life is championing this um cult musical from Adelaide.

SPEAKER_02

Um and can I say, so you you roped me in, you've you've you've joined me to the the pluribus of uh followers to this film, and can I say it's amazing, and everyone needs to go and see it. However, seeing it is not easy, is it?

SPEAKER_03

Well, that being said, it's going to get a lot easier. So um, in the next few weeks, I think even maybe next week, um, it is going to be available on Vimeo to rent.

SPEAKER_02

Oh game changer. Because so for people listening that have no idea what we're talking about. To date, the cookie director of this film needs to be present at a physical screening of this film. Um, is that right?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, he pretty much nearly every screening of it uh has had him present. Um, so this last weekend was the fifth time I've seen one of these screenings, but it was the first time we've ever done a single-ong screening.

SPEAKER_02

So can I tell you, like, I'm trying to picture people actually singing because these the songs, if you can call them songs in this film, they are like sung dialogue. Yeah, that is it just it feels like the melodies are just made up at like complete random.

SPEAKER_03

So I yeah, yeah. Both the vocals and the instrumentals are just not predictable in any way, no, um, and and on top of that, everyone's singing out of tune in the film as well.

SPEAKER_02

And they were specially chosen singers because the actors couldn't do it, so there's different people singing who are still terrible. It's honestly it's so good. Like, yeah, uh, I'll um I'll put some links in the show notes, I reckon, because people need to see this for themselves. At least watch the trailer.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, the trailer's great. Yeah, I think there will be another uh so uh we're planning on another Adelaide sing-along screening um maybe February, and then another one in Melbourne in maybe like April, March, April. So there will be more, there will be more opportunities to do the sing-along screening, and I would highly recommend it. It was like the vibes were off the chart, and everyone had a great time. So um if you love like a stupid, like you know, getting to yell things at the screen and all that kind of experience.

SPEAKER_02

It's like Adelaide's the room, yeah. But even better, I would say, because it's so deliciously stupid, yeah. Um yeah, so that's happening, but you your voice is gonna be right, you've got a cup of tea there, yes, Persevere, yeah, Aussie Shore is worth it.

SPEAKER_03

Oh hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02

Um, have you? I'm interested to know if you have been at all enticed into

BBAU

SPEAKER_02

the world of Big Brother Australia now that it's back.

SPEAKER_03

I haven't been watching the four episodes, but I've been seeing a lot of clips on my socials, so I feel like I've got an idea of a lot of the main players. I see like Colin is the like the cute guy with the mullet that cries all the time that everyone seems to really love. And I saw that the like the cunt like conservative guy got eliminated with it.

SPEAKER_02

There's there's there's a few, but yes, one of them got eliminated.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, um, and I I I'm gathering that the like model girl is like stringing Colin along big time, Holly.

SPEAKER_02

Holly is the campest villain that's ever been on a TV show of all time. Like she is she's this like model influencer, yeah. She's she's giving Brooks Atchwell vibes, she struts onto the set, and she's just like she literally just waited for a guy to be interested so that she could like weave her web. But oh my god, she's so good, like she's making incredible television.

SPEAKER_03

Um is she in the same camp as Lily in terms of villain, or is she in a different way better?

SPEAKER_02

So she's way more delusional than Lily, yeah, and she's more calculated. So I think Lily is just like doesn't quite know herself yet. Holly is an older woman that knows what's up, should know better, but she has chosen this lifestyle. She says things like she walks in the house and she's talking to people, and they're like, Oh, you know, so like tell me about you. And she's like, She's like, darling, I live between London and New York. She goes, she goes, Guys, a brand gave me these umties. What do you think? Should I wear that? She's just like posing. They're in her and Colin are like canoodling on the couch, and she's like, Oh my god, this would make such a good reel. Oh my god, like she's insufferable, but it's it's you can't look away. And she's been made immune. She's like head of house at this week. She's like has immunity, she's causing chaos. It's so good. I'm obsessed with Holly.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, so I'm guessing by the vibe, you're really loving like the return of Big Brother.

SPEAKER_02

Loving it. If you want to know more, you'll have to head to my Patreon because that's where I'm talking about it. But yes, we are loving it. The collective kringosphere is obsessed. I'm not gonna lie, I was worried when 10 said they were getting it back. I was like, Really? Why now? But they've proved me wrong because they've just done the casting is perfect, like everyone is insane. There's a man in the house that does not believe that the gender pay gap is real. Wow, is that the blonde guy with the part?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_02

He's like, Oh, you just do your job and you get paid. What are you talking about? I'm like, oh my god. It's good. They're rage baiting the fuck out of us over at 10, and we're all falling for it.

SPEAKER_03

It works.

SPEAKER_02

Uh, speaking of rage bait, did you see I've this is news just in. Uh, the Epstein Files are flying around. Did you see that Drag Race All-Stars Season 2 is mentioned in the Epstein Files? What? No, I did not see this. So good. Apparently, you'll have to deep dive to find out more, as I will later. But all I saw was a quick thing about, yeah, apparently they had to like download episodes of it so that like Jeffrey Epstein could watch it on a flight. Oh my god. And I was like, wow, Regi wrote you really uh has a new meaning.

SPEAKER_03

Uh it's a shame it wasn't the Sherry Pie season.

SPEAKER_02

Ah my god, and have you ever seen both of them in the same room at the same time? Oh, imagine if she's in the files. Imagine. It's no, it's it's Jeffrey Epstein's drag character, is what I'm getting. Oh wow, amazing. Um, all right. Well, we also we've hinted at discussing uh finding Mr. Christmas, which is I think three or four eps in at the moment.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, and we will be doing that later on, but over on the uncut episode. So if you want to hear us talking about Mr. Christmas, and believe me, you really do.

SPEAKER_03

You want to hear that. You do.

SPEAKER_02

We'll be doing that after the show over on Uncut. But shall we get into the reason for the season?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, please.

SPEAKER_02

Aussie motherfucking shore, episode eight. Uh

Aussie Shore S02E08 Recap

SPEAKER_02

wow. Wow, wow. Are you still crushing on Lockie, Mr. Mitzi? Tell me.

SPEAKER_03

Look, I've been listening to your episodes, and I'm hearing you and your all your ho-hosts dragging him through the mud. Defend your man. Look, I was ready to come into this episode like a full-throated, like, you know, stay away from my man, like, what are you doing? Like Lily. Yeah. But like, spoiler alert, I've seen the episode after this, which I haven't. No, and after I did that, I'm like, I don't know if I feel okay with doing that. I'm a bit conflicted. So I'm gonna back off a little bit. I still do maintain in terms of like physical looks, yeah, yes, like he definitely is more of my type than your man um San Fran. Right. He's all that um, yeah. I I do get your points about his personality. I do uh it's the bulging eyes for me, yeah. It's too much, and the cleaning thing, like I was I could relate to it, but the timing, yes, it shouldn't have happened in the middle of the night after a night out.

SPEAKER_02

Also, now you know that if you ever were to get in bed with him, he's very happy to leave you without finishing. Doesn't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, like though, I mean, I I guess we can get into that part of the episode, but I I think there is a defense to Loki in that situation. I look forward to hearing it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. All right, so episode eight is called People Call Me Bubbles, which is really awkwardly chosen title from a terrible scene in this episode. Uh but we start with Cardia and Loki. The tension is still there. Mum and dad are fighting, basically. As they always are, yes, constantly, constantly. Is this a yeah, what's going on? They haven't fucked yet at this point.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, um, this has been a very frustrating arc to watch throughout this season, and I think it's it's it can really be charted back to season one as well. Is that Katya loves self-sabotage, and anytime anything's gonna happen?

SPEAKER_02

Except Nonna, I think it's Nonna, Nonna sabotage from beyond the grave, but anyway.

SPEAKER_03

It's Nonna and it's her stomach, which was it this episode that she says that you know, like you never ask about my stomach issues.

SPEAKER_02

I think so. She's she's got a long list of things that he never does, which I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and I'm like, your stomach issues are the fact that you get home from a night of drinking and eat a whole jar of peanut butters, yeah, and then have explosive diarrhea. Like, how is that anyone else's problem but yours?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, the Aussie Shaw lifestyle is not a healthy lifestyle.

SPEAKER_03

Um, but yes, this is this relationship is is toxic to its core.

SPEAKER_02

It's great. Um cameras rolling. Uh then we get uh in the in the in the previously, we get some flashbacks of Manaki and Kyle and their famous barbecue shapes blowjob scene from season one, which is what roped me into this mess in the first part. So good, yeah. And we start with how we ended last episode, which is Kyle walking into the boardroom, going, yes, hello, it's me. I've made it all the way from Brisbane on the Queensland Rail uh express service, and looking like a lot shinier this season. She's had a little a plump, maybe.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah, there's definitely something's happened to the face. Yeah, a salmon sperm facial, maybe, or a I don't know, a treatment.

SPEAKER_02

Uh Charlotte says uh that we we all know that Kyle's got a big gob. She goes, You can just ask Manaki about that. And I was like, Charlotte loved that line. Uh and then I love Menaki sort of starts to spiral. I think he's like, Oh no, I'm not the only gay in the village. So he's kind of spiraling. He's got a little bit defensive. You know, we've all been there back in high school when your girlfriends are like, Oh, we're gonna introduce you to another gay, and you're like, hmm, don't know how I feel about that. Um, and he goes, Don't worry, I'm hotter than he is. So unnecessary. I know, I was like, you guys hooked up. Anyway, whatever. Uh, Kyle is welcomed back into the house, but this time he's the assistant manager. Uh, complete with badge. Don't you love a made-up reality TV role?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that they can't commit to for more than a scene. The badge goes away.

SPEAKER_02

The badge disappears, but the the power does not go away. No, he milks it. You better believe. Uh, he meets the newbie. So there's obviously people on the cast he doesn't know. Uh, one of which is Sam Fran. Yeah. Who he's like can confirm is hot. But also remember, back to Ep One, him and Lily are like this. They're they're Brisbane sisters. So he basically agrees this episode to be kind of like Lily's eyes and ears while she's bedridden in hospital, which I thought was kind of cap. Yeah, he's a fucking snitch, is what he is. He's what are they in wicked the flying monkey vibe? Uh Cardia gives Kyle the T, including the chair throwing the chair throwing who is. So I love that on any other show, if there was like a physical incident, that person would be like removed, there'd be like apology statements, it'd never be on TV again. With this, it's like they've just wheeled her off to the cycle or some shit, and then they're all laughing about the thing, and um, he's like, Oh, chair throwing, fucking iconic bitch. He's like, Yeah, love it. Like, he's really so excited.

SPEAKER_03

Did you love that? Yeah, we love abuse in this house.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they're like, Oh, yeah, love her for that. Uh, she also tells him about Manaki having a few hookups in the shag pad, and uh, you know, with with sexy Anthony included, and Kyle is like, oh, well, you know, whatever. Uh he goes, Look, if I could go back in time, I'd probably still suck Manaki's cock, yes. And then Manaki in Confessional goes, my cock is going anywhere but Kyle's hole. I was like, how many times did they rehearse that scene? I love it. Lily in hospital, um, which let's be honest is where she belongs. Um she's surprised she wasn't chained down to the beach. I know that would have been so good. She gets a visit from Kyle, and he's like, Yes, San Fran is hot. You've got good taste, girly. And then this is when Lily bestow him the secret mission to keep his eyes on San Fran on her behalf, which I was just like, oh this is not gonna fucking end well. And it's fucking psychotic.

SPEAKER_03

Like, you're not together, you're not together, like yeah, like do you think at this point she she knows that she's being psychotic, right? She's just playing it up to get screen time. Like, what what is happening here? Honestly, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

And I think I'm choosing to believe she's just like this, and we are just the proud uh benefactors of her insanity, yeah through the medium of Paramount Plus. But yeah, I don't know. But it feels it feels unsafe for all involved.

SPEAKER_03

If if she is a real person that really acts like this, I'm actually scared of the wider society.

SPEAKER_02

But those tits, I just keep going back to those tits, and I'm like, do you know what? This is how she's gotten away with this in this life. When you've got a great rack, people just let you get away with whatever.

SPEAKER_03

Very true. That's how I've gotten by it.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. Charlotte tells us about the new job, which of course I was like, oh yeah, we're back to work, are we, Charlotte? Sure, sure. And uh the jobs are getting stupid and stupid art because this week it's like you're all doing a stand-up comedy routine, and I'm just like, Charlotte, fuck off. Like, what this is not a job. Spray tanning drag queens, I could fuck with. I thought that was actually quite fun. But this one was a bit stupid. Um, then they all have to. This was so dumb. They're like, quick, write your bits. It was giving um drag race challenge, like writing the roast, the roast.

SPEAKER_03

But like the most half-assed version of that possible. Like they didn't even have the scene where Charlotte was like, This is your challenge for this. It was all of a sudden they're like, Oh, yeah, Charlotte's told us to do this, and then everyone's writing in their books. Um, and then Sam Frank goes for a nap, and then they're there an extended nap.

SPEAKER_02

He's like, Oh, I'm just and so I misheard he goes, I'm just gonna go for a quick nap. And I swear I heard him say, I'm just gonna go for a quick nut.

SPEAKER_03

And I was like, That would have been much better, much better.

SPEAKER_02

I thought the cameras were gonna follow, we're gonna get a full wank scene, and uh, but no, he said nap. Uh, not as cute, but whatever. He's sleeping. Uh yeah, and then Kyle. Oh, this was funny. Kyle's like, look, um San Fran, if you can't fulfill your work obligations, you can always uh take me to the shag pad.

SPEAKER_03

I liked that. What would have happened though if they did get together? Like Lily had exploded?

SPEAKER_02

Lily would have cut his dick off, I swear. In the car, San Fran um gets basically gets Manaki to write some jokes for him, which was giving high school jock, don't you think?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And uh Manaki was not doing a very good job of the the jokes he was giving him anyway.

SPEAKER_02

No, probably not the person I'd ask. But then I had a thought conspiracy theory hats on is San Fran illiterate.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, because he was asking Manaki to like literally write.

SPEAKER_02

Literally right. And also when they had to do the writing, he's like, oh, I'm just gonna go have a nap. So I'm like, he's a tra he's a 21-year-old tradey. Not that, not that um like far-fetched.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. I think the deeper question is does that make him more attractive to you?

SPEAKER_02

You fucking bet. I'm hard thinking about him not being able to read and write. Okay, so they rock up at this like dingy um comedy club. Yeah. The fact that everything on this show is in cans, I'm just like oh man. Like the like how did you feel about the the can Cans' finest drag queens that they found last week?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean, I would definitely uh rough and tumble those. Oh my god. Um but yeah, I think it it does, I guess, I guess, give a pretty accurate. Representation of cans and its culture. So I guess if you're looking for like a documentary about cans, that's what this is, right? But like this comedy, like that's the the problem I have with this whole sequence is it doesn't really give us enough context for like for us to really feel the cringe of them bombing in front of this crowd. We need to have a context of what this place is, who the people in the crowd are. Like there just was no stakes to it. Like not that, you know, not that this show is serious in any way, but I think it could have been funnier if we actually felt something when they bombed on that stage. And we didn't see enough of their routines either to really have a sense of that either. They didn't let us sit in that awkwardness at all.

SPEAKER_02

I agree. I think it could have been way better done. It actually was the drag race rose challenge where you get 30 seconds per queen and you're like, Oh, I want to see all of it. Um and the edit kind of just like tells you that someone bombed, but you're kind of like, Did they? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we know for a fact that San Fran definitely bombed.

SPEAKER_03

Um, he he actually had the only laugh, like the only genuine laugh I got was from San Fran when he was saying, like, I came from the country um and I fucked my cousin. That was it was so bad and out of nowhere that it actually elicited a laugh out of me. Nothing else in this did.

SPEAKER_02

Well, he just copied Jada because Jada gets up there and she's like, she's like, hi everyone, it's me, Jada.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, fucked all my teachers at school, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like, sorry. It was actually great. No, what did she say? She's like, Oh, you know, my PA teacher was, oh no, no, I would never do that. It was the math teacher, it was something like that. It was actually a fun little bit. Um, do you think they got some help from the team?

SPEAKER_03

If they did, then they need to get fired because that was terrible.

SPEAKER_02

The same gay intern that redecorated the slut hut.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's just like backstage, like writing down bits. Uh Monarchy slate with some good old-fashioned Kiwi sheep fucking humour. Yeah. Um, this was giving spanky motherfucking Jackson, and I was so here for it. But also, we've heard it before. Yeah. And it was very punching yourself. It was it was like self-deprecating in like a way that like Hannah Gatsby would not be proud of, you know? Like, why do you need to do that, Monarchy?

SPEAKER_03

Do you think anyone was thinking about Hannah Gatsby when they were doing these routines? I was.

SPEAKER_02

No, but you know what I mean? It's like us queer people always taking the first jab at ourselves. Come on, Monarchy, let's let's move the needle. Yeah. Uh Sam Fran, Edits Bad, we get got with my cousin. Cons like, oh, it's like a slow-mo car crash. I can't even watch it. And then he made what, a Halloumi joke? What was that? I can't remember that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I I I like a cheat.

SPEAKER_02

It left my it left my brain as soon as I've just got a note here that says then he makes bad Halloomie joke. I'm like, I actually can't remember. I watched this like this. Me too. Anyway, but then I'm like, look, when you're that cute, you don't actually have to try. Yeah, he should have just taken his shirt off. Truly. I thought that's what he was gonna do. Yeah. Uh then of course they hit the club because it's a day ending with Y. And Manaki's like, I'm not even bothered that Kyle's here now because I'm hotter. It's not even any competition. And you know, of course, we famously know that Cannes is just full of hot single gay men. Um just everywhere. They're just standing around. So this was a great scene. I really loved this. This really like took me to nights out I've had where you know there's a hottie in the corner, and you and your mate are both into it, and it's like, oop, what's gonna happen? And of course, what does Manaki do? Sweeps in, swoops in and rubs it all in um in Kyle's face.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Do you think if Kyle wasn't there that Monaki would have even bothered with that guy? No, probably not.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know, Marky's pretty horny. You could have, but I definitely think it I think it encouraged for sure. Yeah. But the thing is though, because I kind of Kyle's kind of annoying, right? So I actually kind of thought it was funny. But if it was like anyone else, I would have been like, wow, Monarchy, what a dog. But I found myself just being a bit like, eh.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I think Kyle, by having that close association with Lily, is automatically a villain. So fuck him.

SPEAKER_02

Totally. He's aligned with like fucking the dark queen. The dark lord. Oh, good. Uh Cardia and Lockie have a pash, and I'm like, danger. These two are dangerous. She's still hanging for a pounding. She's I love all these lines.

SPEAKER_00

She says she's just like, I just need my pussy fucking pounded. Like when she got it so good. Nona did not pay for these tits.

SPEAKER_02

Bomina not getting a dick in there. Like, so good. But also, it's like chill, you know. I don't know. I don't you think she should have just gotten that elsewhere?

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I think we've all been there when we're like, yeah, there's like a cock, we just want it in us.

SPEAKER_02

Not a truer word has been spoken on this pod, Paul.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So she's not gonna stop until it's true, she's just she's just holding out for that dick.

SPEAKER_03

She can't possibly and from what it's been hyped up to be, I don't blame her.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly. I think I think we all know it's a nice dick.

SPEAKER_03

If only Paramount Plus was brave enough to show it to us. I know.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, and I have been watching um Dating Naked UK season two. Yeah, which I assume you've already seen all of.

SPEAKER_01

Uh not season two, no. Oh no, I thought you would have. I'm just like halfway through it. It's good. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But yeah, that show definitely hold doesn't hold back at all. No, it's amazing. But it is very frustrating switching over to this, and then you're like, Yeah. Why the blur?

SPEAKER_03

And then also with mm-hmm. Actually, when I logged into Paramount Plus to watch this episode, the late on the like recently added thing, it said um they've just put up like a best of compla compilation of Naked Attraction. Of all the dicks. So they're like they're going hard on like dick content. Well, soft, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I think when it's hard, they're not allowed to put it on anymore. But they are going, they are yeah, they know the algorithm knows that poor Mitzi wants to see some big old schlongs, and then also having Big Brother back but with no uncut and just Colin walking around in his undies all the time.

SPEAKER_03

I'm like, Yeah, and him actually that is another thing that's reached my algorithm is him talking about he's got a well, him saying that he's got a big dick.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, that's reached your algorithm. Wow, I did love that scene. I mean, look at that schnauz. How can you not have a big dick?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, oh well, this is homophobic. Channel 10, it's actually disgusting.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, class action, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Hate crime.

SPEAKER_02

Uh oh, Jada, our girl, she's found her French lover who's appeared a few times throughout the season as a random sheep passes in the corner, which I love. But oh, our girl's catching feelings. Um, apparently. She invites him back to the ranch. Um, I love this. This is so good. They're in the car and she's like, tell me I'm the fucking sexiest cunt alive in French cunt. So good. Uh, and then he's doing like tongue tricks and stuff. This guy's great, good sport. Um, get him on the show next season.

SPEAKER_00

She's like, I'm fucking wet in the car, they're all freaking out.

SPEAKER_02

She takes him to the slut hut. She's not afraid because some of them don't like the slut hut. Like it's not private enough or something. Our girl Jade Hart doesn't care. She does not prefer preferred space is outdoors, um, which is why I love her. She takes him to slut hut, we get some hot scenes of that. Uh, then we cut to Cardia shaving her pussies in anticipation of Lockie's big cock. Um, yeah, and then we get, of course, some foreshadowing confessionals of Lockie like big noting his sex game. He's like, mate, when I fuck, it's like fucking art.

SPEAKER_03

People pay for this shit. Look, they probably would pay for this shit if he put it on OnlyFans, so get on it. I reckon. But unfortunately, it's not.

SPEAKER_02

I want to see, I need some receipts. Like, if he wants to prove that he is actually a good root, which allegedly he's not, according to Cardi. Yeah, we're gonna need to see some receipts, mate.

SPEAKER_03

Do you think the producers have something against Wog Boys? Because it really has the show has emphasized con and now Lockie being shit in bed. Like that's their storyline.

SPEAKER_02

I think that's just I think the through line is more that they are men.

SPEAKER_03

Uh they both friend doesn't get that that edit though. True. But I legitimate. Tom never got that edit.

SPEAKER_01

True, true, true. This is racism.

SPEAKER_02

Lockie is the whitest wog I've ever seen in my life, though. It's like blonde hair flu eyes. I do oh wow, no, I I've I'm putting my tinfoil hat on with you. I think we need to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, uh, and then the best way to do it would be if they just released all of the the tapes of everyone fucking yeah, so we could actually assess in a fair way. Um, sorry, now I'm thinking about San Fran. You've got me all you've got me flustered. But him to him to say it's like art when he fucks, I thought that was a bit much. Like underpromise and over-deliver, mate. No one taught you that. Yeah. Anyway, then it begins. Uh Jada's getting railed in the slut heart. Uh Manaki and Kyle are like, oh, does she need help? She's getting murdered in there.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Well, both times we've seen Jada fuck, she uh definitely has not um put the volume down. So good.

SPEAKER_02

She's like, oh yeah, what did she say after that last guy? Oh, it was so good.

SPEAKER_00

Afterwards, she was like, Oh yeah, you just fucking stretched me out so good, can't or something like what did she say?

SPEAKER_02

It was so good. Oh, I love her. Uh, woman after my own heart. Uh, she got her, and then she is amazing because she gets her nut, and then she's like, All right, see your mate, and sends him on his merry way. And to that, I'm like, this is true feminism. Um, however, over in the Locky Cardia Shagpad Sitch, we get the opposite. Um, we but we do first we we wake up in the morning, we get a happy cardie in the some in the like Taco Bill by somebody, and she's like, you know, and you're like, oh, she's happy, right? She finally got dicked down by Lockie, and then um then we learn that she made him come and she did not come.

SPEAKER_03

Look, they drink a lot.

SPEAKER_02

Here it is.

SPEAKER_03

I knew I knew this was and how many and how many times have other guys, you know, she's been like, let's do it, and the other guys have been all for it, and then she eats a whole jar of peanut butter and like uh three fucking um uh he says he got flustered, he goes, Oh, I got flustered, it was hot in there, whatever.

SPEAKER_00

I'm like, oh whatever, mate.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but he did offer, he said, let's do it again tomorrow. And she's been begging him for weeks. You'd think like doing it two days in a row isn't that tough of an ask. Yeah, I don't know. I don't like him.

SPEAKER_02

And we just applauded, you just applauded Jada for doing the exact same thing he just did, it's not the exact same thing, she is a thick, beautiful woman, and I think years of oppression uh allows her that right to leave a man without a nut. Okay, well, this is where we disagree. You and um you could go on Big Brother Australia poem and be like, what do you mean? There's men and women are exactly the same. I don't see an issue. Yeah, I wondered for doing your job.

SPEAKER_03

Wonder how quickly I would get cancelled on Big Brother.

SPEAKER_02

Honestly, that's why I can't do it. I'm like everything out of context. Yeah, oh my god, and then no, okay, so okay, you how are you gonna defend this next point? Um, well, have a quote, I have a quote here from Lockie. He goes, I couldn't give a fuck that I didn't make her come. That he said that on the show, okay.

SPEAKER_03

That's not ideal. But have you seen him?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I have. He's like a I don't know. I I don't think he's hot. Sorry, he's not my vibe. He's just tall. It's that whole thing of like, are they hot or are they just tall? I think he's just tall. Which does nothing for me. Yeah, uh, con in confessional is like, Loki, better watch out. I've been down this road, and then again at this point, I'm like, oh, that's right, Con is on the show. Welcome back to the show, Con. He's like, Cardi is gonna catch feelings. Alright. I don't know. Shouldn't Con be stoked that she's onto someone else? Because he was not into it, let's be honest.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but Cardi is part of his family, and he really cares about his family.

SPEAKER_02

So good.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, con's the Vin Diesel of Ohio.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah. It's all about family. Uh and then he makes some bad analogy about it's like being on a date with Cartier is like rowing in a shit river upstream without a paddle, and I was just like, sure. You got that one wrong. Cut to today's job, which is surf life-saving. Well, moving some shit on the beach.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Do you think this is because of the crocs? Like they couldn't legally put them in the water. Probably.

SPEAKER_02

I tell you, between this show and motherfucking dream world, uh, I just feel like there's too much Queensland based content on our screens. I've had it. Just like Bob Catter, I've had it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I agree.

SPEAKER_02

Can't we host can't we have one show somewhere else? What where's the come on? What Big Brother House could be in South Australia? Could be in a church.

SPEAKER_03

Have you seen when they tried to do an Adelaide reality show that yummy mummies?

SPEAKER_00

No, tell me everything, please.

SPEAKER_03

Uh, I I mean I didn't watch it. It was like a bunch of like housewives from Adelaide and it was unwatchable, and I think it lasted one season.

SPEAKER_02

I know what I'm doing tonight. Uh look, it wasn't a great day to be on the beach. It was this horrible overcast day. And uh they basically had to just carry some boards and a boat up and down the beach, and I was like, this is stupid, you guys. Like, Charlotte, you're really testing my fucking patience now, girl.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and like a Baywatch themed challenge, like they even played the music from well, like a yeah, non-copyrighted version of the Baywatch theme, and then no one like gets their kid off. Like the whole point of Baywatch is to put everyone in bikinis and like little board shorts and making them splash around in water, and you didn't do that failure.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it wasn't cute. Uh, but then what was cute was Kyle as assistant manager just standing around like supervising. That was quite funny. Yeah, it's getting in the way. I like Kyle in this role of like bitchy Botox gay. Um back at the house, Loki is like oh, I don't know, he's like umming and aring about the Cardi situation. He's like, I guess I'll give it a chance. I think he's worried about how he's being perceived.

SPEAKER_03

No, yeah, I think I I I wouldn't be surprised if he saw um con's edit from season one and he was afraid that it's happening to him.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Which is probably what Conn's referring to when he says upshit Craig without a paddle. He's referring to like social media backlash. Yeah. Uh then they decide to prank Kyle in a very unenvironmentally friendly prank where they use multiple rolls of tin foil to wrap everything in his suitcase. This was so strange.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I I get what they were going for, but I was expecting something a bit more mean. Same.

SPEAKER_02

And like they all seem to enjoy it. They thought it was very funny, but I think as a viewer, it didn't quite land. Like just cut a hole in his audies or some shit, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Alright, like faggot on the wall or something.

SPEAKER_02

Fuck off faggot. Just some fucking good old-fashioned fag bashing. Why can't we just have that? Why couldn't we just have on hey Kyle, you dumb faggot? This is why we're not the producers of the show.

unknown

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

Fuck uh, Cardia. This is so so then Cardia decides to choose violence. And she's like, Do you know what? I fucking deserve everything. She's like, I deserve someone that knows everything that I want, reading my mind, and they're just gonna give it to me. She's like, I'm done with initiating all the romance, and Reeves there, being like, Yeah, you're really doing all the initiating, aren't you? I love this. And then Cardi events to the girly, she's like, he's fucking triggering me. He's like, scratch my back.

SPEAKER_00

I'm like, scratch your fucking back. Scratch your fucking back. Nonna did not pay for these tits, so I could scratch your fucking back, mate.

SPEAKER_02

Like she literally goes from zero to five thousand over the back scratch thing.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Amazing.

SPEAKER_03

She's got long fingernails. I'd probably ask the same.

SPEAKER_02

Then Lexi's like, Yeah, he's really a taker and not a giver. And then the spiraling commences. They have this is so wild, like. They go out again, and then at the club, Loki and Katia have like a deep chat in the corner. Which I'm like, not the place you want to be having this conversation. He's like, Alright, maybe I should try harder. But he's like, in confessional, he's like, doesn't seem worth it. He's really giving us a lot of good villain contempt. Uh San Fran is looking hot and he's ready to fuck. He finds a hot girl on the dance floor. Um yeah, love this.

SPEAKER_00

But then Kyle's like, what would Lily say?

SPEAKER_02

Who gives a fuck? Truly. She's in the fucking mental hospital. Like, yeah, where she fucking born. Kyle's like, what you don't know about Lily is Lily comes with the fucking fine print, and you gotta read that fine print, and it says comes with drama. And I was like, I was like, that is in cap full like size 72 font, mate, in bold. There's nothing sus about that. Anyway, Cardia wants. Oh, this was so funny. Cardia's like, I need somebody that is going to appraise my five-year goals. I need someone that's gonna admire my strength.

SPEAKER_03

What do you think? Yeah, what do you think her five-year plan is?

SPEAKER_02

I want to know. Something to do with, I don't know, Nonna? Maybe let maybe learn how to fucking cook a lasagna for starters.

SPEAKER_03

It's just it's just wild to me. Wild. Yeah. And I guess these people have a life outside of this show, but nothing that has been presented to us. Yeah. Nothing has been that has been presented to us suggests a five-year plan in any way. I love that.

SPEAKER_02

I love she's like, this is all in like a night out setting as well, which I love. So she's like, I fucking deserve more. He should be five year plan. Carl's like, gulls, aren't we all just here to fuck? Thank you, Kyle. Best thing that's been said all episode. Uh then she goes hard. This was fucked. She goes hard on him in the car. She's like, You're a failure. You failed. And he's like, his dick just like crawls inside his body. Uh, these two are toxic. Um, the house doesn't love it when mum and dad fight like this. Um, San Fran takes this bird straight to the slut hut, which is hot. Except they did you notice they blurred his boner out from his undies. I was so mad. I didn't even notice that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Locky spirals over the failure comment, and of course, he's like so mad. Uh Lexi steps in, the girlies step in. This was, yeah, this was a mess.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and then it ends with Ree saying, why don't you go die in a hole? And that's what I'm saying. Re who is still on the show. Yeah. Um, yeah, I thought, and then everybody, that's the line. That's the line everyone's like, whoa.

SPEAKER_02

Unexpected ally to Lockie Manaki. What was that about?

SPEAKER_03

He's like I think Lock uh Manaki just chooses in the moment.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just wants his chair throw moment. Yeah. Um, but he can't help himself. He's like stirring shit.

SPEAKER_03

Um I mean, to be fair, like I know I'm team Lockie, but like which I cannot believe. But anyway, in this situation, I think the way she acted is pretty fucked.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I'm not I'm not team Cadia, but two things can be true. It's not a yeah, this is not a binary situation. I I don't support the actions of any of these people, Paul B.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, actually, it's probably quite smart not to align yourself with anyone on Aussie show. You're just look, you're digmatized, I get it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, if it was San Fran, I'd probably be doing the same thing. Yeah, guaranteed. Wow, shit has officially been stirred. And next week, I was gonna allude to next week, but you may have already been to the future. Um I can tell you it's a good app. Yes, it's fucking good, and it's the penultimate app, and Callum is back, my least favorite person. But it looks like he's required to speak some truths, so yeah, he plays a good role.

SPEAKER_03

I can I can assure you that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Nice, and Charlotte's back in wherever the fuck she is. Manchester. I don't know. Yeah. Um, should we talk about finding Mr. Christmas?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_02

Let's do it. But to do that, you'll have to come over to Patreon to find us on Uncut. So I'll see you over there.

SPEAKER_03

Merry Christmas. Thanks, Paul. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_02

Bye-bye.

Podcasts we love

Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.

U Read It Well Artwork

U Read It Well

Jean Lizza
Gasbagging Artwork

Gasbagging

Dan Morrison
The Swapcast Podcast Artwork

The Swapcast Podcast

Paul Mizzi, Lucy Thomas & Brendan Levi
Babes in the Conclave - A Traitors Podcast Artwork

Babes in the Conclave - A Traitors Podcast

Annabel Fidler + Philly Ferguson
Death To Everyone Artwork

Death To Everyone

Lazy Susan and Zelda Moon
Sexy Unique Podcast Artwork

Sexy Unique Podcast

What's Your Journey?
Defining Culture Artwork

Defining Culture

Hunter Smith
Previously on... Australian Survivor Artwork

Previously on... Australian Survivor

Your Best Podcast Friends
Drop Your Buffs Artwork

Drop Your Buffs

Sean Ross & Evan Ross Katz
Haute and Bothered Artwork

Haute and Bothered

Haute and Bothered