The Cringe is Real
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The Cringe is Real
Aussie Shore - S02E08 (w/ Paul Mizzi)
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Paul Mizzi is back in the slut hut with Sam to chat Aussie Shore for another week. This week we have Catia and Lachie causing tension in the house coz MUM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING! Manaaki isnt at all phased that Kyle is back in the mix coz hes hotter and San Fran is moving on from Lily.. who’s in a psychiatric facility under secure watch. That and some BBAU, Dating Naked and more..
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Intro
SPEAKER_02This podcast was produced on the land of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Australia!
SPEAKER_01Someone who is such a con reality television. The content is hideous.
SPEAKER_05Sorry about this. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Paul Mitzi, hello darling.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back. Thank you. Good to be back. You've lost your voice. Yeah, I was in Melbourne over the weekend, so obviously I caught diseases.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I heard. Uh you came over for a lovely sing-along screening
My Darling in Sterling Sing-a-long
SPEAKER_02of cult film My Darling and Sterling. Is that correct? Or what of this?
SPEAKER_03Yes. I um this has been like two years in the making. It's uh my probably the biggest passion in my life is championing this um cult musical from Adelaide.
SPEAKER_02Um and can I say, so you you roped me in, you've you've you've joined me to the the pluribus of uh followers to this film, and can I say it's amazing, and everyone needs to go and see it. However, seeing it is not easy, is it?
SPEAKER_03Well, that being said, it's going to get a lot easier. So um, in the next few weeks, I think even maybe next week, um, it is going to be available on Vimeo to rent.
SPEAKER_02Oh game changer. Because so for people listening that have no idea what we're talking about. To date, the cookie director of this film needs to be present at a physical screening of this film. Um, is that right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, he pretty much nearly every screening of it uh has had him present. Um, so this last weekend was the fifth time I've seen one of these screenings, but it was the first time we've ever done a single-ong screening.
SPEAKER_02So can I tell you, like, I'm trying to picture people actually singing because these the songs, if you can call them songs in this film, they are like sung dialogue. Yeah, that is it just it feels like the melodies are just made up at like complete random.
SPEAKER_03So I yeah, yeah. Both the vocals and the instrumentals are just not predictable in any way, no, um, and and on top of that, everyone's singing out of tune in the film as well.
SPEAKER_02And they were specially chosen singers because the actors couldn't do it, so there's different people singing who are still terrible. It's honestly it's so good. Like, yeah, uh, I'll um I'll put some links in the show notes, I reckon, because people need to see this for themselves. At least watch the trailer.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, the trailer's great. Yeah, I think there will be another uh so uh we're planning on another Adelaide sing-along screening um maybe February, and then another one in Melbourne in maybe like April, March, April. So there will be more, there will be more opportunities to do the sing-along screening, and I would highly recommend it. It was like the vibes were off the chart, and everyone had a great time. So um if you love like a stupid, like you know, getting to yell things at the screen and all that kind of experience.
SPEAKER_02It's like Adelaide's the room, yeah. But even better, I would say, because it's so deliciously stupid, yeah. Um yeah, so that's happening, but you your voice is gonna be right, you've got a cup of tea there, yes, Persevere, yeah, Aussie Shore is worth it.
SPEAKER_03Oh hundred percent.
SPEAKER_02Um, have you? I'm interested to know if you have been at all enticed into
BBAU
SPEAKER_02the world of Big Brother Australia now that it's back.
SPEAKER_03I haven't been watching the four episodes, but I've been seeing a lot of clips on my socials, so I feel like I've got an idea of a lot of the main players. I see like Colin is the like the cute guy with the mullet that cries all the time that everyone seems to really love. And I saw that the like the cunt like conservative guy got eliminated with it.
SPEAKER_02There's there's there's a few, but yes, one of them got eliminated.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, um, and I I I'm gathering that the like model girl is like stringing Colin along big time, Holly.
SPEAKER_02Holly is the campest villain that's ever been on a TV show of all time. Like she is she's this like model influencer, yeah. She's she's giving Brooks Atchwell vibes, she struts onto the set, and she's just like she literally just waited for a guy to be interested so that she could like weave her web. But oh my god, she's so good, like she's making incredible television.
SPEAKER_03Um is she in the same camp as Lily in terms of villain, or is she in a different way better?
SPEAKER_02So she's way more delusional than Lily, yeah, and she's more calculated. So I think Lily is just like doesn't quite know herself yet. Holly is an older woman that knows what's up, should know better, but she has chosen this lifestyle. She says things like she walks in the house and she's talking to people, and they're like, Oh, you know, so like tell me about you. And she's like, She's like, darling, I live between London and New York. She goes, she goes, Guys, a brand gave me these umties. What do you think? Should I wear that? She's just like posing. They're in her and Colin are like canoodling on the couch, and she's like, Oh my god, this would make such a good reel. Oh my god, like she's insufferable, but it's it's you can't look away. And she's been made immune. She's like head of house at this week. She's like has immunity, she's causing chaos. It's so good. I'm obsessed with Holly.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so I'm guessing by the vibe, you're really loving like the return of Big Brother.
SPEAKER_02Loving it. If you want to know more, you'll have to head to my Patreon because that's where I'm talking about it. But yes, we are loving it. The collective kringosphere is obsessed. I'm not gonna lie, I was worried when 10 said they were getting it back. I was like, Really? Why now? But they've proved me wrong because they've just done the casting is perfect, like everyone is insane. There's a man in the house that does not believe that the gender pay gap is real. Wow, is that the blonde guy with the part?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm gonna go.
SPEAKER_02He's like, Oh, you just do your job and you get paid. What are you talking about? I'm like, oh my god. It's good. They're rage baiting the fuck out of us over at 10, and we're all falling for it.
SPEAKER_03It works.
SPEAKER_02Uh, speaking of rage bait, did you see I've this is news just in. Uh, the Epstein Files are flying around. Did you see that Drag Race All-Stars Season 2 is mentioned in the Epstein Files? What? No, I did not see this. So good. Apparently, you'll have to deep dive to find out more, as I will later. But all I saw was a quick thing about, yeah, apparently they had to like download episodes of it so that like Jeffrey Epstein could watch it on a flight. Oh my god. And I was like, wow, Regi wrote you really uh has a new meaning.
SPEAKER_03Uh it's a shame it wasn't the Sherry Pie season.
SPEAKER_02Ah my god, and have you ever seen both of them in the same room at the same time? Oh, imagine if she's in the files. Imagine. It's no, it's it's Jeffrey Epstein's drag character, is what I'm getting. Oh wow, amazing. Um, all right. Well, we also we've hinted at discussing uh finding Mr. Christmas, which is I think three or four eps in at the moment.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, and we will be doing that later on, but over on the uncut episode. So if you want to hear us talking about Mr. Christmas, and believe me, you really do.
SPEAKER_03You want to hear that. You do.
SPEAKER_02We'll be doing that after the show over on Uncut. But shall we get into the reason for the season?
SPEAKER_03Yes, please.
SPEAKER_02Aussie motherfucking shore, episode eight. Uh
Aussie Shore S02E08 Recap
SPEAKER_02wow. Wow, wow. Are you still crushing on Lockie, Mr. Mitzi? Tell me.
SPEAKER_03Look, I've been listening to your episodes, and I'm hearing you and your all your ho-hosts dragging him through the mud. Defend your man. Look, I was ready to come into this episode like a full-throated, like, you know, stay away from my man, like, what are you doing? Like Lily. Yeah. But like, spoiler alert, I've seen the episode after this, which I haven't. No, and after I did that, I'm like, I don't know if I feel okay with doing that. I'm a bit conflicted. So I'm gonna back off a little bit. I still do maintain in terms of like physical looks, yeah, yes, like he definitely is more of my type than your man um San Fran. Right. He's all that um, yeah. I I do get your points about his personality. I do uh it's the bulging eyes for me, yeah. It's too much, and the cleaning thing, like I was I could relate to it, but the timing, yes, it shouldn't have happened in the middle of the night after a night out.
SPEAKER_02Also, now you know that if you ever were to get in bed with him, he's very happy to leave you without finishing. Doesn't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like though, I mean, I I guess we can get into that part of the episode, but I I think there is a defense to Loki in that situation. I look forward to hearing it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. All right, so episode eight is called People Call Me Bubbles, which is really awkwardly chosen title from a terrible scene in this episode. Uh but we start with Cardia and Loki. The tension is still there. Mum and dad are fighting, basically. As they always are, yes, constantly, constantly. Is this a yeah, what's going on? They haven't fucked yet at this point.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, um, this has been a very frustrating arc to watch throughout this season, and I think it's it's it can really be charted back to season one as well. Is that Katya loves self-sabotage, and anytime anything's gonna happen?
SPEAKER_02Except Nonna, I think it's Nonna, Nonna sabotage from beyond the grave, but anyway.
SPEAKER_03It's Nonna and it's her stomach, which was it this episode that she says that you know, like you never ask about my stomach issues.
SPEAKER_02I think so. She's she's got a long list of things that he never does, which I'm like, okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I'm like, your stomach issues are the fact that you get home from a night of drinking and eat a whole jar of peanut butters, yeah, and then have explosive diarrhea. Like, how is that anyone else's problem but yours?
SPEAKER_02Oh, the Aussie Shaw lifestyle is not a healthy lifestyle.
SPEAKER_03Um, but yes, this is this relationship is is toxic to its core.
SPEAKER_02It's great. Um cameras rolling. Uh then we get uh in the in the in the previously, we get some flashbacks of Manaki and Kyle and their famous barbecue shapes blowjob scene from season one, which is what roped me into this mess in the first part. So good, yeah. And we start with how we ended last episode, which is Kyle walking into the boardroom, going, yes, hello, it's me. I've made it all the way from Brisbane on the Queensland Rail uh express service, and looking like a lot shinier this season. She's had a little a plump, maybe.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, there's definitely something's happened to the face. Yeah, a salmon sperm facial, maybe, or a I don't know, a treatment.
SPEAKER_02Uh Charlotte says uh that we we all know that Kyle's got a big gob. She goes, You can just ask Manaki about that. And I was like, Charlotte loved that line. Uh and then I love Menaki sort of starts to spiral. I think he's like, Oh no, I'm not the only gay in the village. So he's kind of spiraling. He's got a little bit defensive. You know, we've all been there back in high school when your girlfriends are like, Oh, we're gonna introduce you to another gay, and you're like, hmm, don't know how I feel about that. Um, and he goes, Don't worry, I'm hotter than he is. So unnecessary. I know, I was like, you guys hooked up. Anyway, whatever. Uh, Kyle is welcomed back into the house, but this time he's the assistant manager. Uh, complete with badge. Don't you love a made-up reality TV role?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that they can't commit to for more than a scene. The badge goes away.
SPEAKER_02The badge disappears, but the the power does not go away. No, he milks it. You better believe. Uh, he meets the newbie. So there's obviously people on the cast he doesn't know. Uh, one of which is Sam Fran. Yeah. Who he's like can confirm is hot. But also remember, back to Ep One, him and Lily are like this. They're they're Brisbane sisters. So he basically agrees this episode to be kind of like Lily's eyes and ears while she's bedridden in hospital, which I thought was kind of cap. Yeah, he's a fucking snitch, is what he is. He's what are they in wicked the flying monkey vibe? Uh Cardia gives Kyle the T, including the chair throwing the chair throwing who is. So I love that on any other show, if there was like a physical incident, that person would be like removed, there'd be like apology statements, it'd never be on TV again. With this, it's like they've just wheeled her off to the cycle or some shit, and then they're all laughing about the thing, and um, he's like, Oh, chair throwing, fucking iconic bitch. He's like, Yeah, love it. Like, he's really so excited.
SPEAKER_03Did you love that? Yeah, we love abuse in this house.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they're like, Oh, yeah, love her for that. Uh, she also tells him about Manaki having a few hookups in the shag pad, and uh, you know, with with sexy Anthony included, and Kyle is like, oh, well, you know, whatever. Uh he goes, Look, if I could go back in time, I'd probably still suck Manaki's cock, yes. And then Manaki in Confessional goes, my cock is going anywhere but Kyle's hole. I was like, how many times did they rehearse that scene? I love it. Lily in hospital, um, which let's be honest is where she belongs. Um she's surprised she wasn't chained down to the beach. I know that would have been so good. She gets a visit from Kyle, and he's like, Yes, San Fran is hot. You've got good taste, girly. And then this is when Lily bestow him the secret mission to keep his eyes on San Fran on her behalf, which I was just like, oh this is not gonna fucking end well. And it's fucking psychotic.
SPEAKER_03Like, you're not together, you're not together, like yeah, like do you think at this point she she knows that she's being psychotic, right? She's just playing it up to get screen time. Like, what what is happening here? Honestly, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02And I think I'm choosing to believe she's just like this, and we are just the proud uh benefactors of her insanity, yeah through the medium of Paramount Plus. But yeah, I don't know. But it feels it feels unsafe for all involved.
SPEAKER_03If if she is a real person that really acts like this, I'm actually scared of the wider society.
SPEAKER_02But those tits, I just keep going back to those tits, and I'm like, do you know what? This is how she's gotten away with this in this life. When you've got a great rack, people just let you get away with whatever.
SPEAKER_03Very true. That's how I've gotten by it.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. Charlotte tells us about the new job, which of course I was like, oh yeah, we're back to work, are we, Charlotte? Sure, sure. And uh the jobs are getting stupid and stupid art because this week it's like you're all doing a stand-up comedy routine, and I'm just like, Charlotte, fuck off. Like, what this is not a job. Spray tanning drag queens, I could fuck with. I thought that was actually quite fun. But this one was a bit stupid. Um, then they all have to. This was so dumb. They're like, quick, write your bits. It was giving um drag race challenge, like writing the roast, the roast.
SPEAKER_03But like the most half-assed version of that possible. Like they didn't even have the scene where Charlotte was like, This is your challenge for this. It was all of a sudden they're like, Oh, yeah, Charlotte's told us to do this, and then everyone's writing in their books. Um, and then Sam Frank goes for a nap, and then they're there an extended nap.
SPEAKER_02He's like, Oh, I'm just and so I misheard he goes, I'm just gonna go for a quick nap. And I swear I heard him say, I'm just gonna go for a quick nut.
SPEAKER_03And I was like, That would have been much better, much better.
SPEAKER_02I thought the cameras were gonna follow, we're gonna get a full wank scene, and uh, but no, he said nap. Uh, not as cute, but whatever. He's sleeping. Uh yeah, and then Kyle. Oh, this was funny. Kyle's like, look, um San Fran, if you can't fulfill your work obligations, you can always uh take me to the shag pad.
SPEAKER_03I liked that. What would have happened though if they did get together? Like Lily had exploded?
SPEAKER_02Lily would have cut his dick off, I swear. In the car, San Fran um gets basically gets Manaki to write some jokes for him, which was giving high school jock, don't you think?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And uh Manaki was not doing a very good job of the the jokes he was giving him anyway.
SPEAKER_02No, probably not the person I'd ask. But then I had a thought conspiracy theory hats on is San Fran illiterate.
SPEAKER_03Oh, because he was asking Manaki to like literally write.
SPEAKER_02Literally right. And also when they had to do the writing, he's like, oh, I'm just gonna go have a nap. So I'm like, he's a tra he's a 21-year-old tradey. Not that, not that um like far-fetched.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I think the deeper question is does that make him more attractive to you?
SPEAKER_02You fucking bet. I'm hard thinking about him not being able to read and write. Okay, so they rock up at this like dingy um comedy club. Yeah. The fact that everything on this show is in cans, I'm just like oh man. Like the like how did you feel about the the can Cans' finest drag queens that they found last week?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, I would definitely uh rough and tumble those. Oh my god. Um but yeah, I think it it does, I guess, I guess, give a pretty accurate. Representation of cans and its culture. So I guess if you're looking for like a documentary about cans, that's what this is, right? But like this comedy, like that's the the problem I have with this whole sequence is it doesn't really give us enough context for like for us to really feel the cringe of them bombing in front of this crowd. We need to have a context of what this place is, who the people in the crowd are. Like there just was no stakes to it. Like not that, you know, not that this show is serious in any way, but I think it could have been funnier if we actually felt something when they bombed on that stage. And we didn't see enough of their routines either to really have a sense of that either. They didn't let us sit in that awkwardness at all.
SPEAKER_02I agree. I think it could have been way better done. It actually was the drag race rose challenge where you get 30 seconds per queen and you're like, Oh, I want to see all of it. Um and the edit kind of just like tells you that someone bombed, but you're kind of like, Did they? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we know for a fact that San Fran definitely bombed.
SPEAKER_03Um, he he actually had the only laugh, like the only genuine laugh I got was from San Fran when he was saying, like, I came from the country um and I fucked my cousin. That was it was so bad and out of nowhere that it actually elicited a laugh out of me. Nothing else in this did.
SPEAKER_02Well, he just copied Jada because Jada gets up there and she's like, she's like, hi everyone, it's me, Jada.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, fucked all my teachers at school, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like, sorry. It was actually great. No, what did she say? She's like, Oh, you know, my PA teacher was, oh no, no, I would never do that. It was the math teacher, it was something like that. It was actually a fun little bit. Um, do you think they got some help from the team?
SPEAKER_03If they did, then they need to get fired because that was terrible.
SPEAKER_02The same gay intern that redecorated the slut hut.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's just like backstage, like writing down bits. Uh Monarchy slate with some good old-fashioned Kiwi sheep fucking humour. Yeah. Um, this was giving spanky motherfucking Jackson, and I was so here for it. But also, we've heard it before. Yeah. And it was very punching yourself. It was it was like self-deprecating in like a way that like Hannah Gatsby would not be proud of, you know? Like, why do you need to do that, Monarchy?
SPEAKER_03Do you think anyone was thinking about Hannah Gatsby when they were doing these routines? I was.
SPEAKER_02No, but you know what I mean? It's like us queer people always taking the first jab at ourselves. Come on, Monarchy, let's let's move the needle. Yeah. Uh Sam Fran, Edits Bad, we get got with my cousin. Cons like, oh, it's like a slow-mo car crash. I can't even watch it. And then he made what, a Halloumi joke? What was that? I can't remember that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I I I like a cheat.
SPEAKER_02It left my it left my brain as soon as I've just got a note here that says then he makes bad Halloomie joke. I'm like, I actually can't remember. I watched this like this. Me too. Anyway, but then I'm like, look, when you're that cute, you don't actually have to try. Yeah, he should have just taken his shirt off. Truly. I thought that's what he was gonna do. Yeah. Uh then of course they hit the club because it's a day ending with Y. And Manaki's like, I'm not even bothered that Kyle's here now because I'm hotter. It's not even any competition. And you know, of course, we famously know that Cannes is just full of hot single gay men. Um just everywhere. They're just standing around. So this was a great scene. I really loved this. This really like took me to nights out I've had where you know there's a hottie in the corner, and you and your mate are both into it, and it's like, oop, what's gonna happen? And of course, what does Manaki do? Sweeps in, swoops in and rubs it all in um in Kyle's face.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Do you think if Kyle wasn't there that Monaki would have even bothered with that guy? No, probably not.
SPEAKER_02I don't know, Marky's pretty horny. You could have, but I definitely think it I think it encouraged for sure. Yeah. But the thing is though, because I kind of Kyle's kind of annoying, right? So I actually kind of thought it was funny. But if it was like anyone else, I would have been like, wow, Monarchy, what a dog. But I found myself just being a bit like, eh.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think Kyle, by having that close association with Lily, is automatically a villain. So fuck him.
SPEAKER_02Totally. He's aligned with like fucking the dark queen. The dark lord. Oh, good. Uh Cardia and Lockie have a pash, and I'm like, danger. These two are dangerous. She's still hanging for a pounding. She's I love all these lines.
SPEAKER_00She says she's just like, I just need my pussy fucking pounded. Like when she got it so good. Nona did not pay for these tits.
SPEAKER_02Bomina not getting a dick in there. Like, so good. But also, it's like chill, you know. I don't know. I don't you think she should have just gotten that elsewhere?
SPEAKER_03I mean, I think we've all been there when we're like, yeah, there's like a cock, we just want it in us.
SPEAKER_02Not a truer word has been spoken on this pod, Paul.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So she's not gonna stop until it's true, she's just she's just holding out for that dick.
SPEAKER_03She can't possibly and from what it's been hyped up to be, I don't blame her.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, exactly. I think I think we all know it's a nice dick.
SPEAKER_03If only Paramount Plus was brave enough to show it to us. I know.
SPEAKER_02Oh, and I have been watching um Dating Naked UK season two. Yeah, which I assume you've already seen all of.
SPEAKER_01Uh not season two, no. Oh no, I thought you would have. I'm just like halfway through it. It's good. Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, that show definitely hold doesn't hold back at all. No, it's amazing. But it is very frustrating switching over to this, and then you're like, Yeah. Why the blur?
SPEAKER_03And then also with mm-hmm. Actually, when I logged into Paramount Plus to watch this episode, the late on the like recently added thing, it said um they've just put up like a best of compla compilation of Naked Attraction. Of all the dicks. So they're like they're going hard on like dick content. Well, soft, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02I think when it's hard, they're not allowed to put it on anymore. But they are going, they are yeah, they know the algorithm knows that poor Mitzi wants to see some big old schlongs, and then also having Big Brother back but with no uncut and just Colin walking around in his undies all the time.
SPEAKER_03I'm like, Yeah, and him actually that is another thing that's reached my algorithm is him talking about he's got a well, him saying that he's got a big dick.
SPEAKER_02Yes, that's reached your algorithm. Wow, I did love that scene. I mean, look at that schnauz. How can you not have a big dick?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, oh well, this is homophobic. Channel 10, it's actually disgusting.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, class action, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Hate crime.
SPEAKER_02Uh oh, Jada, our girl, she's found her French lover who's appeared a few times throughout the season as a random sheep passes in the corner, which I love. But oh, our girl's catching feelings. Um, apparently. She invites him back to the ranch. Um, I love this. This is so good. They're in the car and she's like, tell me I'm the fucking sexiest cunt alive in French cunt. So good. Uh, and then he's doing like tongue tricks and stuff. This guy's great, good sport. Um, get him on the show next season.
SPEAKER_00She's like, I'm fucking wet in the car, they're all freaking out.
SPEAKER_02She takes him to the slut hut. She's not afraid because some of them don't like the slut hut. Like it's not private enough or something. Our girl Jade Hart doesn't care. She does not prefer preferred space is outdoors, um, which is why I love her. She takes him to slut hut, we get some hot scenes of that. Uh, then we cut to Cardia shaving her pussies in anticipation of Lockie's big cock. Um, yeah, and then we get, of course, some foreshadowing confessionals of Lockie like big noting his sex game. He's like, mate, when I fuck, it's like fucking art.
SPEAKER_03People pay for this shit. Look, they probably would pay for this shit if he put it on OnlyFans, so get on it. I reckon. But unfortunately, it's not.
SPEAKER_02I want to see, I need some receipts. Like, if he wants to prove that he is actually a good root, which allegedly he's not, according to Cardi. Yeah, we're gonna need to see some receipts, mate.
SPEAKER_03Do you think the producers have something against Wog Boys? Because it really has the show has emphasized con and now Lockie being shit in bed. Like that's their storyline.
SPEAKER_02I think that's just I think the through line is more that they are men.
SPEAKER_03Uh they both friend doesn't get that that edit though. True. But I legitimate. Tom never got that edit.
SPEAKER_01True, true, true. This is racism.
SPEAKER_02Lockie is the whitest wog I've ever seen in my life, though. It's like blonde hair flu eyes. I do oh wow, no, I I've I'm putting my tinfoil hat on with you. I think we need to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, uh, and then the best way to do it would be if they just released all of the the tapes of everyone fucking yeah, so we could actually assess in a fair way. Um, sorry, now I'm thinking about San Fran. You've got me all you've got me flustered. But him to him to say it's like art when he fucks, I thought that was a bit much. Like underpromise and over-deliver, mate. No one taught you that. Yeah. Anyway, then it begins. Uh Jada's getting railed in the slut heart. Uh Manaki and Kyle are like, oh, does she need help? She's getting murdered in there.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, both times we've seen Jada fuck, she uh definitely has not um put the volume down. So good.
SPEAKER_02She's like, oh yeah, what did she say after that last guy? Oh, it was so good.
SPEAKER_00Afterwards, she was like, Oh yeah, you just fucking stretched me out so good, can't or something like what did she say?
SPEAKER_02It was so good. Oh, I love her. Uh, woman after my own heart. Uh, she got her, and then she is amazing because she gets her nut, and then she's like, All right, see your mate, and sends him on his merry way. And to that, I'm like, this is true feminism. Um, however, over in the Locky Cardia Shagpad Sitch, we get the opposite. Um, we but we do first we we wake up in the morning, we get a happy cardie in the some in the like Taco Bill by somebody, and she's like, you know, and you're like, oh, she's happy, right? She finally got dicked down by Lockie, and then um then we learn that she made him come and she did not come.
SPEAKER_03Look, they drink a lot.
SPEAKER_02Here it is.
SPEAKER_03I knew I knew this was and how many and how many times have other guys, you know, she's been like, let's do it, and the other guys have been all for it, and then she eats a whole jar of peanut butter and like uh three fucking um uh he says he got flustered, he goes, Oh, I got flustered, it was hot in there, whatever.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, oh whatever, mate.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but he did offer, he said, let's do it again tomorrow. And she's been begging him for weeks. You'd think like doing it two days in a row isn't that tough of an ask. Yeah, I don't know. I don't like him.
SPEAKER_02And we just applauded, you just applauded Jada for doing the exact same thing he just did, it's not the exact same thing, she is a thick, beautiful woman, and I think years of oppression uh allows her that right to leave a man without a nut. Okay, well, this is where we disagree. You and um you could go on Big Brother Australia poem and be like, what do you mean? There's men and women are exactly the same. I don't see an issue. Yeah, I wondered for doing your job.
SPEAKER_03Wonder how quickly I would get cancelled on Big Brother.
SPEAKER_02Honestly, that's why I can't do it. I'm like everything out of context. Yeah, oh my god, and then no, okay, so okay, you how are you gonna defend this next point? Um, well, have a quote, I have a quote here from Lockie. He goes, I couldn't give a fuck that I didn't make her come. That he said that on the show, okay.
SPEAKER_03That's not ideal. But have you seen him?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I have. He's like a I don't know. I I don't think he's hot. Sorry, he's not my vibe. He's just tall. It's that whole thing of like, are they hot or are they just tall? I think he's just tall. Which does nothing for me. Yeah, uh, con in confessional is like, Loki, better watch out. I've been down this road, and then again at this point, I'm like, oh, that's right, Con is on the show. Welcome back to the show, Con. He's like, Cardi is gonna catch feelings. Alright. I don't know. Shouldn't Con be stoked that she's onto someone else? Because he was not into it, let's be honest.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but Cardi is part of his family, and he really cares about his family.
SPEAKER_02So good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, con's the Vin Diesel of Ohio.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. It's all about family. Uh and then he makes some bad analogy about it's like being on a date with Cartier is like rowing in a shit river upstream without a paddle, and I was just like, sure. You got that one wrong. Cut to today's job, which is surf life-saving. Well, moving some shit on the beach.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Do you think this is because of the crocs? Like they couldn't legally put them in the water. Probably.
SPEAKER_02I tell you, between this show and motherfucking dream world, uh, I just feel like there's too much Queensland based content on our screens. I've had it. Just like Bob Catter, I've had it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I agree.
SPEAKER_02Can't we host can't we have one show somewhere else? What where's the come on? What Big Brother House could be in South Australia? Could be in a church.
SPEAKER_03Have you seen when they tried to do an Adelaide reality show that yummy mummies?
SPEAKER_00No, tell me everything, please.
SPEAKER_03Uh, I I mean I didn't watch it. It was like a bunch of like housewives from Adelaide and it was unwatchable, and I think it lasted one season.
SPEAKER_02I know what I'm doing tonight. Uh look, it wasn't a great day to be on the beach. It was this horrible overcast day. And uh they basically had to just carry some boards and a boat up and down the beach, and I was like, this is stupid, you guys. Like, Charlotte, you're really testing my fucking patience now, girl.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and like a Baywatch themed challenge, like they even played the music from well, like a yeah, non-copyrighted version of the Baywatch theme, and then no one like gets their kid off. Like the whole point of Baywatch is to put everyone in bikinis and like little board shorts and making them splash around in water, and you didn't do that failure.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it wasn't cute. Uh, but then what was cute was Kyle as assistant manager just standing around like supervising. That was quite funny. Yeah, it's getting in the way. I like Kyle in this role of like bitchy Botox gay. Um back at the house, Loki is like oh, I don't know, he's like umming and aring about the Cardi situation. He's like, I guess I'll give it a chance. I think he's worried about how he's being perceived.
SPEAKER_03No, yeah, I think I I I wouldn't be surprised if he saw um con's edit from season one and he was afraid that it's happening to him.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Which is probably what Conn's referring to when he says upshit Craig without a paddle. He's referring to like social media backlash. Yeah. Uh then they decide to prank Kyle in a very unenvironmentally friendly prank where they use multiple rolls of tin foil to wrap everything in his suitcase. This was so strange.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I I get what they were going for, but I was expecting something a bit more mean. Same.
SPEAKER_02And like they all seem to enjoy it. They thought it was very funny, but I think as a viewer, it didn't quite land. Like just cut a hole in his audies or some shit, I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Alright, like faggot on the wall or something.
SPEAKER_02Fuck off faggot. Just some fucking good old-fashioned fag bashing. Why can't we just have that? Why couldn't we just have on hey Kyle, you dumb faggot? This is why we're not the producers of the show.
unknownOh my god.
SPEAKER_02Fuck uh, Cardia. This is so so then Cardia decides to choose violence. And she's like, Do you know what? I fucking deserve everything. She's like, I deserve someone that knows everything that I want, reading my mind, and they're just gonna give it to me. She's like, I'm done with initiating all the romance, and Reeves there, being like, Yeah, you're really doing all the initiating, aren't you? I love this. And then Cardi events to the girly, she's like, he's fucking triggering me. He's like, scratch my back.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, scratch your fucking back. Scratch your fucking back. Nonna did not pay for these tits, so I could scratch your fucking back, mate.
SPEAKER_02Like she literally goes from zero to five thousand over the back scratch thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Amazing.
SPEAKER_03She's got long fingernails. I'd probably ask the same.
SPEAKER_02Then Lexi's like, Yeah, he's really a taker and not a giver. And then the spiraling commences. They have this is so wild, like. They go out again, and then at the club, Loki and Katia have like a deep chat in the corner. Which I'm like, not the place you want to be having this conversation. He's like, Alright, maybe I should try harder. But he's like, in confessional, he's like, doesn't seem worth it. He's really giving us a lot of good villain contempt. Uh San Fran is looking hot and he's ready to fuck. He finds a hot girl on the dance floor. Um yeah, love this.
SPEAKER_00But then Kyle's like, what would Lily say?
SPEAKER_02Who gives a fuck? Truly. She's in the fucking mental hospital. Like, yeah, where she fucking born. Kyle's like, what you don't know about Lily is Lily comes with the fucking fine print, and you gotta read that fine print, and it says comes with drama. And I was like, I was like, that is in cap full like size 72 font, mate, in bold. There's nothing sus about that. Anyway, Cardia wants. Oh, this was so funny. Cardia's like, I need somebody that is going to appraise my five-year goals. I need someone that's gonna admire my strength.
SPEAKER_03What do you think? Yeah, what do you think her five-year plan is?
SPEAKER_02I want to know. Something to do with, I don't know, Nonna? Maybe let maybe learn how to fucking cook a lasagna for starters.
SPEAKER_03It's just it's just wild to me. Wild. Yeah. And I guess these people have a life outside of this show, but nothing that has been presented to us. Yeah. Nothing has been that has been presented to us suggests a five-year plan in any way. I love that.
SPEAKER_02I love she's like, this is all in like a night out setting as well, which I love. So she's like, I fucking deserve more. He should be five year plan. Carl's like, gulls, aren't we all just here to fuck? Thank you, Kyle. Best thing that's been said all episode. Uh then she goes hard. This was fucked. She goes hard on him in the car. She's like, You're a failure. You failed. And he's like, his dick just like crawls inside his body. Uh, these two are toxic. Um, the house doesn't love it when mum and dad fight like this. Um, San Fran takes this bird straight to the slut hut, which is hot. Except they did you notice they blurred his boner out from his undies. I was so mad. I didn't even notice that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_02Locky spirals over the failure comment, and of course, he's like so mad. Uh Lexi steps in, the girlies step in. This was, yeah, this was a mess.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and then it ends with Ree saying, why don't you go die in a hole? And that's what I'm saying. Re who is still on the show. Yeah. Um, yeah, I thought, and then everybody, that's the line. That's the line everyone's like, whoa.
SPEAKER_02Unexpected ally to Lockie Manaki. What was that about?
SPEAKER_03He's like I think Lock uh Manaki just chooses in the moment.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just wants his chair throw moment. Yeah. Um, but he can't help himself. He's like stirring shit.
SPEAKER_03Um I mean, to be fair, like I know I'm team Lockie, but like which I cannot believe. But anyway, in this situation, I think the way she acted is pretty fucked.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I'm not I'm not team Cadia, but two things can be true. It's not a yeah, this is not a binary situation. I I don't support the actions of any of these people, Paul B.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, actually, it's probably quite smart not to align yourself with anyone on Aussie show. You're just look, you're digmatized, I get it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, if it was San Fran, I'd probably be doing the same thing. Yeah, guaranteed. Wow, shit has officially been stirred. And next week, I was gonna allude to next week, but you may have already been to the future. Um I can tell you it's a good app. Yes, it's fucking good, and it's the penultimate app, and Callum is back, my least favorite person. But it looks like he's required to speak some truths, so yeah, he plays a good role.
SPEAKER_03I can I can assure you that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Nice, and Charlotte's back in wherever the fuck she is. Manchester. I don't know. Yeah. Um, should we talk about finding Mr. Christmas?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_02Let's do it. But to do that, you'll have to come over to Patreon to find us on Uncut. So I'll see you over there.
SPEAKER_03Merry Christmas. Thanks, Paul. Bye bye.
SPEAKER_02Bye-bye.
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