The Cringe is Real

Aussie Shore - S02E05 (w/ Christian Gillett)

Sam Cremean

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0:00 | 47:34

Our Aussie Shore coverage continues with more cringe FAMILY members, this week is Christian Gillett’s turn in the slut hut with Sam to rank the boys fuckability, shade the production choices and just generally enjoy this silly AF show! Lily’s back to her old ways and San Fran is not safe! The house is turned into a hostel.. Or is that a “hostile”? That and some Celeb Traitors UK, Drag Race Down Under v the World goss and more.

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Intro

SPEAKER_03

This podcast was produced on the land of the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation.

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Australia. Someone who is such a connoisseur of reality television. The content is hideous.

SPEAKER_00

So sorry about this. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03

I'm so sorry about this.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Hello.

SPEAKER_02

Hi Dol. How are you? Good doll. How are you going?

SPEAKER_03

Pretty good.

SPEAKER_02

What's new?

SPEAKER_03

Welcome back. So much is new.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Quite a bit happening in the world. Quite a bit happening in the world. Especially in the in our world of reality TV.

SPEAKER_03

We're being fed, we're being blessed. Uh we need to talk about all the trimmings. We need to talk about the

The Celebrity Traitors UK and Celia's Iconic Fart

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fart hurt around the globe.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god. What it like if that doesn't win at every BAFTA award, I don't know what would.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like seriously.

SPEAKER_03

I just it's one thing for that to have happened on television. And I gotta say, props to the casting, just on UK shows all round. Yeah. How they will like age is no barrier. Totally. You can be in your 70s, absolutely great, go on a show. They don't care.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So that's the first genius thing. Yeah. Then just to like for that to happen and for them to leave it in.

SPEAKER_02

And it's just that is pure British television, isn't it? It's like that would not have got through on US celebrity traders.

SPEAKER_03

But they had to keep it in because it was referenced so many times. In moments, Alan Carr being like, I have to vote for you.

SPEAKER_02

It's just that fart. And just I have to say, I've no I've I've I've dabbled in the traders. I've not um, you know, I haven't, it hasn't been a priority for me. No, but this season, this is literally catnip for me. Like everyone I want in a show, Claudia Fucking Winkle man. My top. So you haven't watched any of the other YouTube. No. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03

Because do you know what? Claudia is even better in the civilian seasons. Yeah. Because she's the real star of the show. And she gives like she gives them and us like her opinions about what's happening in the game, which is the thing that hosts of these competition shows never do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't think they're supposed to. No. She's like fourth wall what? And she'll be like, oh yeah. Like it, like in one season, all the traders are male. Yeah. Oh. And they recruit another man after you know that. And she's like, hmm. Groundbreaking, you guys recruiting another man once again. Like to their faces. Like, do you know what I mean? Like she just like offers her opinions. In a way that no one could do on our screens.

SPEAKER_02

And just the absolute queen of the fucking bangs and the raccoon look, and she wears it with pride. She is literally, I swear in every scene, she's added more black eyeliner. Yeah, exactly. Like it's extra, it just gets more intense. But it's just everyone on this show is so it is the most perfect casting. It is everything you want from British entertainment and culture. It has just made me so happy. Yeah, it's so happy.

SPEAKER_03

I definitely recommend watching the earlier seasons. Um yeah, same vibe, obviously a little bit different without the celebs, but yeah, very entertaining. Especially the first season. Like the first season is what really made it take off over there. Yeah, because everyone watched it. It was like viral. It was big across every age group. Yeah, yeah. So there was that, there was like a viral clip. Because it does have that vibe that you your grandma would love to film. And there was a bunch of oldies at a bus stop having like an argument about the traitors, and someone someone filmed it and it went off. And people were like, oh my god, even the geriatrics at the bus stop are like, oh, so-and-so's a traitor. You know? So then after that, it was just like huge. And then now that's why they've been able to pull because Stephen Fry tweeted at BBC being like, put me on. And they were like, Are you joking? So I actually think that's why they did the celebrity.

SPEAKER_02

Because the US one has had con has has had it already.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so the US one started late to the game. Yeah. And they just did Celebs from the start. But they their version of Celebs is like the uh you know, reality TV garbage can. Like Jam Cachelle and Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is what we're gonna try next year with our boy Monarchy. Oh who we're talking about tonight. Yeah. Monarchs. She's getting her moment. But they did that one, and I I didn't I didn't think it had the same.

SPEAKER_02

Well, that's the I started that and I kind of gave up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And like I love all those shows where those people are from, but something about it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02

And obviously, we love Alan. They're too serious.

SPEAKER_03

And the thing with the trade is it's not a serious show. It's canvas tits. It's so can. It's stupid. Yeah like just be fun and villainous. You don't have to be like, I'm gonna fucking win, but Americans bless them. Totally. They want to fucking win.

SPEAKER_02

It's so British. And like, I mean, I mean, Alan Alan Carr's just like he's in a carry-on movie. Everything's like, oh, you know, like it's heaven. Oh glowier. How has everybody not worked out that he's a traitor when he's literally just like ah constantly like grabbing his chicks?

SPEAKER_03

Ah I love him so much. He goes, I'm a sweaty mess glowier.

SPEAKER_02

He's just continually dripping and sweating, going, ah, like fabulous, fabulous normal. It's memes after memes. So good.

SPEAKER_03

So good, good,

Drag Race Down Under Vs The World Rumoured Cast 2.0

SPEAKER_03

good. Um, I also want to talk about so a few couple weeks ago, yeah, with Paul Mitzi, we discussed the rumoured cast for Drag Race Down Under V the World. Oh, yes. And we were horribly wrong because it was an it was a now where is this filming again?

SPEAKER_02

In Portugal. That's right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Famous down under location. Famous down under location. They really said, whatever you you want, you fans. Yep. No, no.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

You know, she's looking at that budget balance. She's like, where is the cheapest possible south state? Now tariffs. Yeah, the tariffs. So they said, let's go to fucking Portugal. Yeah. And a few people have been spotted there. So Michelle Vassage. Of course. She posted a pick of the set.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. Did you see? Yeah, yeah, no, I did see that. You didn't.

SPEAKER_03

She blurted a bit, but you can see that there's a bigger car, it's bigger. And there's like an opera house decal. We love that. Very camp. Um we'll go through the cards. And this is, again, 99% this time. We're sure this is it. All right. The first one blew my mind. Yep. Ms. Art Simone.

SPEAKER_02

Oh. I didn't think she would do it. Yeah, no, I yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Here we are.

SPEAKER_02

Well, maybe she hopped over from Edinburgh after doing the Kath and Kim show. No, she was back here.

SPEAKER_03

So I saw her on Grindr a few weeks ago. So she was.

SPEAKER_02

She's back, yep.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I just thought she wouldn't want to be judged by Lazy Susan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she likes cunnies to work totally on uh kick-ons. So it's like that'll be funny. Hopefully there's some like banter there. Uh also from season one, Coco Jumbo. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

Stunned. Glad to see more of her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm glad there is two season one girls, because they got fucking a raw deal.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, because we we do we even remember that season either. Well we tried we try not to. We try not to, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Uh then Floor from season three. Do you remember her? She was the Feisty Guatemalan Viva. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Right. Great choice because she's a cunt and she makes great TV. Uh Nikita Iman from season four. Yep. Stunning. She's another one that posted a picture of herself in Portugal. Oh, well done, doll. I feel like wow, Presents Pass do not give a shit anymore. No. That used to get you kicked off back in the day. When people called it. NDAs, all that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Now it's like now they're like, oh well. Especially with this one. Especially with down under verse the world.

SPEAKER_03

They're like, who's gonna watch this? Good choice though. Loved her.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. On I fight it too, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Loved her. Uh and then vibe. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Again, another person I'm like, you want to go and be judged by Lazy Susan, who you just beat you, but that's gonna make for great telly. Absolutely. And she's probably my winner pick at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she was so close. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Now there are there's contestants from around the world. There is.

SPEAKER_03

So that there were our five Aussie girls. Aussie down under the side. Five from around the world is Estrella Extravaganza from Espana season two.

SPEAKER_02

So they didn't have to fly fire yet.

SPEAKER_03

Yep. She's just gone on a train.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, she's gone on a Ryan or a train.

SPEAKER_03

She was the runner-up. So that's kind of like a good. I thought they were gonna do like what the Philippines Slash and Royale season did, and all the internationals were like first outs on this. It's like it's like I see what you did there. Cheeky bitches. Uh no, so that'll be good. I didn't watch that season, so can't speak to her, but she looks cute.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

Uh Lala Ree.

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Oh, heaven.

SPEAKER_03

Iconic. And do you know what? This is so good. Like, for because apparently she like quit drag. That's right. Yes, yes, yes. Apparently not. She's back. She's back. So I'm glad that rumour was true. Uh so good. Yeah, yeah. Great to have her back. And where else? Where better to be than at home with us other cheap and cheerful? Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

That probably would have won her the show if she ran into that rock in the down underverse.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, she could win in iconic batch.

SPEAKER_02

Um something attached to her closet.

SPEAKER_03

Uh Miss Jade So from Philippines Season Tour. Also a high-ranking girl. She's crazy. I love her. Uh, and really hot. Uh Michael Morley from UK season five. Wow, perfect choice. She's like, I think she's like a Grand Canaria like trash bag. So perfect.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, great.

SPEAKER_03

Perfect, perfect, perfect. And then the the mother of the season, Nicole Page Brooks.

SPEAKER_02

Oh. Like how it's now that is spectacular. Yeah. And just think of the pit crew, Joe. Oof. The Portuguese pit crew. Oh, fuck. I'm more excited about that. Take your eye out. Those Portuguese boys. Yeah. Oh. They're fucking packing. They are packing.

SPEAKER_03

I would have loved to have been in the uh the casting room for that.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, I'm sure they had a great time.

SPEAKER_03

How good Michelle definitely had a great time. Oh, she would have had a hoot, yeah. Yeah, so I know we expect to see that at some point next year.

SPEAKER_02

In between another seven seasons of someone else.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, which I'm not gonna watch, but I'm ready for that. And I've decided that's when I'm gonna break my fast. Because I think I'm are you watching the current

RuPaul's Drag Race UK Season 7

SPEAKER_03

UK one?

SPEAKER_02

I am watching UK is actually the only one I kind of watch anymore.

SPEAKER_03

But this one, I gotta say, losing me quickly.

SPEAKER_02

I think we're just too much. It's just we're us is not gone. Which is it's overly saturated, the market.

SPEAKER_03

And like that violin bitch, I was like, no. Yeah. She was horrible.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's not it's not giving me like one like last season was so good. Yeah. And I'm still devot about Lavoine or anything. But yeah, last one was good. Yeah, but it's always solid. It's always solid. That's the thing, it's just much more enjoyable than the US one I'm feeling.

SPEAKER_03

It is, and there's usually at least one person that I will remember forever from it. But from this season, I'm sorry to tell you, girlies, I'm not remembering any of you.

SPEAKER_02

Some great guest judges, though. Yes, really good guest judges. Like Jane Horics with all the ab fab, night of abfads.

SPEAKER_03

That was a nice surprise. And the night of the thousand sweetie darlings was great.

SPEAKER_02

And the yeah, and yeah, I that's the thing I do love about the UK one. The judges are great.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah. They're always good. Yeah. A bit of um Cheryl and whoever else they can fucking kill. Like it's yeah. Jade Ferwell will be back, surely. Yeah, amazing. Uh but we're here to talk about

Aussie Shore S02E05 Recap

SPEAKER_03

uh possibly the most trashy show to exist.

SPEAKER_02

I think it is, and I hate that I enjoy this. Same. Like I hate that I enjoy this.

SPEAKER_03

Have mixed feelings.

SPEAKER_02

Like I I have to battle with it like I love guilty pleasures, you know I have no shame in anything.

SPEAKER_03

Well, you know I don't like that's uh I don't believe in guilty pleasures. No. I just believe in pleasure, darling. Yeah. But this for this one I kind of I'm I'm with you.

SPEAKER_02

Really, really tests me, I tell you, doll. But I have watched it since the start, even before you thought about having it on the show. Also, you were you were doing season one. Paramount plus for the Gilded Age doll. So I was like, what can I not do? Well, not Christine Baransky now. I'll watch some people on it and fucking it's getting trashed.

SPEAKER_03

First things first, who do you want to fuck most from this cast?

SPEAKER_02

So I love Monarchy, obviously.

SPEAKER_03

Like he is gorgeous and that D that he pulled last week?

SPEAKER_02

I know Anthony fantastic. He was a plant, right? Yeah, surely. Of course they all have.

SPEAKER_03

There are not gay boys that hot walking around camps.

SPEAKER_02

No, like not a thing. And especially with having to sign up and sign your basic freedoms away to be filmed while you're fucking. You know, like it's literally, it's probably got an OnlyFans.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So yeah. And look, Anthony, if you do, please. Please send us through. We'll we'll watch. Yeah. Okay, so Manax. And I oh who from the Street Boys love Lockie.

SPEAKER_02

Fuck. Fuuuuck. Yeah. I have a thing for a Twin Boys. And he's footy.

SPEAKER_03

Don't you think he looks like a footy player?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he is he is cool.

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He's got footy player bod.

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Yeah.

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A big old dick that he loves to just.

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I know, and I'm really enjoying that they're just always showing him in his brace.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but I do know what I enjoy even more? Not to have the the blurring. Someone pointed out to me recently that this is the same streaming service that is um dating naked. Yeah, where you see penis. Well, why is this? So what so excuse me, can we have a full royal commission dating naked, it's literally toxin tits flopped everywhere. So why can't we get and these people they do not they want it? I think Lockie wants his beautiful Italian penis on our screen. Put it out there. Yeah, come on, Paramount Plus. Speaking of Italian, I'm glad that the nonna episode is done. That was rough. Yes, agree. That was rough stuff. That was rough stuff. That was yep. Alright, let's get to uh episode five. It's called Too Much Tongue.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Uh firstly, no taglines this season.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_03

I've been waiting every week, like, oh surely because you remember last season there was I came out, my mum's for joining, I'm ready to party.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, totally, nothing.

SPEAKER_03

And it was like Lexi. And like, what else was there? I can't fucking remember.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They were just all little bits. They're basically taglines.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they're basically.

SPEAKER_03

But this year we're being starved.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. Of those.

SPEAKER_03

Can we have them, please? I really like them.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I enjoyed them, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, yeah, because but it's like they haven't maybe they'll drop it in episode five like they did with Salt Lake City House. Oh, true. I was like, what the hell? Oh, that's right. Oh, I forgot.

SPEAKER_03

Those are top-notch.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely meries. As always, just sensational. It is the best reality show for me on TV.

SPEAKER_03

I'm just here to eat, drink, and be merry. Oh, that's his always, the babes in the house are waking up hungover. Always. I love this. Like, imagine being filmed after like the wildest night out in fucking cans.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I'm just astonished that they are functioning at all. Like, I would I my liver would be then, you know. Like, they've all got to be like early 20s, right? Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_03

Lexi goes, last night was huge, and then swigs are Gatorade in the confessional art.

SPEAKER_02

Just yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I want to get fucked up with Lexi.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I love it because she's come back this season and she's fully full died.

SPEAKER_03

Love.

SPEAKER_02

Which we love.

SPEAKER_03

This show is mainly about fucking in the house, and then secondly, it's about bioasure.

SPEAKER_02

It is actually because Monaki as well.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They all really just said, do you know what? Mitch Brown. I don't even know her. Lily is still mad at Con for being the head of the Chinese Whispers Snake that delivered the information that she shared back to Sam Fran about her being actually a psycho bitch.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

She's the fucking pits, man.

SPEAKER_02

She is a she's a hard watch, isn't she?

SPEAKER_03

So hot. Yeah. She'd get bashed.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And it's just like girls would like wanna, you know what I mean? And it's getting kind of exhausting because it's the same story over and over. Yes, she's like, I've changed. I've changed, but then she's like, no, I just actually want no strings attached, but no, no.

SPEAKER_03

No, I want everyone, I want every boy here to want to fuck me. And then I can do whatever I want. Yeah, it's quite exhausting. It's exhausting.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's exhausting. I'm finding her like I'm zoning out.

SPEAKER_03

I do think we all have a little bit of Lily in the world.

SPEAKER_02

Of course we do, and that's why we don't like to watch.

SPEAKER_03

And that's why I can't watch it because I'm like, oh, I've s I've been this bitch.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

Or you're out and you're like, he's fine.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Not for a while, but you know. Yeah, I know. Back in the day. Back in the day. She's like, um what did she say? He's dealing with the wrong fucking bitch. That's what she says.

SPEAKER_02

And she's just and she's getting really violent and aggressive all the time. Have you noticed? It's becoming like it's it's like it's like food, it's chairs, it's like she's it's always just something. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

But I'm like, don't go con. Like you said that. Yeah. And in fact, what you said is true. You also like being filmed and you're mic'd doll. So like to say don't spill the beans. Also, San Fran doesn't even really care. He's still gonna fuck you. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

What? Horny and and like 20. Like he's gonna do it, it's fine.

SPEAKER_03

His face when she was like, Do you wanna just be fuck buddies? And he was like, Oh yeah, like no one's ever asked him to do that before, and he loves it.

SPEAKER_02

No, he loves it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so anyway, he doesn't even give a shit, so who cares? Uh Lockie tells us about what happened last night with the Chinese whispers, and San Fran's like, Well, look, I don't really care, there's no feelings there, or at least I think there's no feelings. I haven't been told anything.

SPEAKER_02

It's like feelings there, babe.

SPEAKER_03

Honey, sweet boy.

SPEAKER_02

Always is with Lily.

SPEAKER_03

As always, the house is a mess. And Nonna's famously dry lasagna is still out on the counter. And how good is this food fight?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, fantastic. We really enjoyed watching that, especially we're all pretty much naked.

SPEAKER_03

So it's stunning. Uh, but then Lockie gets some fucked shit thrown on him, like a soy sauce can call it. Yeah, where they take it a little bit too far, uh they have to like kind of shut it down. Lexi and the girls decide to do a hair of the dog. Yeah, but they don't clean the house. No, no, I love this.

SPEAKER_02

And the lasagnas end up on the floor by this stage.

SPEAKER_03

But they're like, let's make it fucking classy. Yeah, and where do they go? Exactly. They I love the show so much that it's like, yeah, how good is Jada?

SPEAKER_02

But Jada is my great greatest with Jada.

SPEAKER_03

Uh they're in the car and she goes, Do you guys ever let like a soft cock grow inside of you? Oh yeah, isn't it the fucking best? I was like, I love you.

SPEAKER_02

This is what we're watching, everyone. This is what we're watching.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, yeah, but also, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_03

That is a great feeling, and we should be talking about it. She's only 22. I know.

SPEAKER_02

That is wild.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Could barely look at someone in the eye when I was 22.

SPEAKER_03

Like I was like, Can't look at someone without jumping on the I know! Yeah, watch out. These boys. I'm like scared for these boys.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, she's gonna ruin them.

SPEAKER_03

She's like, I'm dressed all fucking classy, but I'm not fucking acting it. And I'm like, that's you dress class. She's put on like a little sundress. It's like blue and white. The tits were slightly covered, yeah. Those beautiful, beautiful, soft naturals. Yeah, they go for cocktails and cheers to no fighting. No fighting, yeah. No fighting, as con would say. Because he's like, guess what? King Kong. Guess what? We're family. Oh every episode. Yeah. He goes, Do you know what? Because we're family. Yeah. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up, Con. You met these people like three days with them.

SPEAKER_02

Because they would have filmed over the course of probably like two weeks or something. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

And you've like fucked one of them and then decided you're not into it, and now you're saying that it's out of respect to Nonna. I know. Nonna is such a cock blocker. Yeah, for me.

SPEAKER_02

Nonna is, yeah. She's like, nah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and she would be so upset about that, lasagna. Oh. I'm just gonna mortified. That was like how did she mess like nah? She needs to give back her citizenship. Uh back at the house. Charlotte uh is back up to old truck. How do you feel about Charlotte? Does she?

SPEAKER_02

So I just have to say, why is this happening? Why is she there? Why is she there? I on but it's like I just don't get anything about this. So this whole thing of making them go to Go to a job. The simple life. But there's no stakes in them going to do the job because they don't earn, it's not like they earn a food.

SPEAKER_03

It's a punishment-based system. Yeah. Where no matter what they do, they will still get to party and fuck. We need that for them. That's like they're just.

SPEAKER_02

And not doing the work.

SPEAKER_03

And then they get reprimanded, but the reprimanding is like, oh, I'm really upset with you.

SPEAKER_01

And they're like, oh Charlotte, you can't.

SPEAKER_02

And that's it. But I just love that every time she'll come in, she'll be like, oh my god! Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01

And then they come in and they're like, Shalom!

SPEAKER_03

I know. I think I preferred it when she was working from home.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but she called, I don't know why she's there.

SPEAKER_02

Nothing about it. Like, oh, she gets a free holiday, I guess. But like, my god, there's no, it's, it's, it's kind of I forget that she's a thing until she comes on the screen. Because it's not necessary. No. And it's not.

SPEAKER_03

But look, it's great. And I think she has like three kids now or something.

SPEAKER_02

Like, she's real. Like, she's making bank off this. Like, good for her.

SPEAKER_03

She's disgusted at the state of the house.

SPEAKER_02

And she picks up the lasagna off the floor.

SPEAKER_03

Non nah.

SPEAKER_02

Non nah.

SPEAKER_03

RIP. And she says, I'm sick of spending my money on your tequila. And I'm like, oh, so you're paying for the partying and the fucking. Okay. Yep. That's news. Uh, to make back some money, she says, I'm turning the house into a hostel. So she's got some good business.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, sheep.

SPEAKER_03

And this is a great idea.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it is actually a great idea.

SPEAKER_03

It's a very large house.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's a large house. But she with the And most of them bunk together anyway, so they've got a few extra beds.

SPEAKER_03

Exactly, and we've got the slot hut now as well as the shag pad. So, do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Sort that out. So um Re tells us she's scared of hostels.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Look, same.

SPEAKER_03

She saw the movie Hostel. And she was Yeah, and look the same. Yeah, I don't think I've reached an age where that's never happening again.

SPEAKER_02

I've never actually done it, and I'm really proud of that. I know.

SPEAKER_03

I did it in my early 20s. Yeah. And then no. Yeah. You could not do it now.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I couldn't. Like literally just some rando coming in.

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_03

Anyway. Uh Charlotte trains them as hostile staff. This is actually really cute. Um, the training. So Monarchy's like, can we fuck the guests? I'm like, yes, Monarchy. Of course. They've been handpicked for you to fuck.

SPEAKER_02

You can do whatever you want, baby. So good. Monarchy.

SPEAKER_03

Monarchy's so good. They um also have to feed and entertain the guests we learn. So they do a bit of a trial run with Charlotte. And then Charlotte's like, now do a strip tease, which they get really into. Of course. And start um, yeah. Chesco in particular, Sam Fran. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02

No, he was loving it. He yeah, would make a great sort of manpower kind of thing. Yeah. Yep. Magic Marvel review, yep. Be great.

SPEAKER_03

With the tradey. Oh yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And the curls. Yummy. Uh Charlotte then turns into a Disney villain. Uh, and is just like, right, that's enough. So I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_02

Like, what? Why is it that? Like every episode, she just comes in for no reason and does. I mean, yes, this at least set the the episode momentum, you know, in motion. It's scrap. But like Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte.

SPEAKER_03

Then um, so Cart Cardia, Cardi Cardia, she's been so good. I love her. She's been made chief supervisor, and it's giving Chief Stew on the low deck. Like, the power goes straight to those. She's taking it seriously. Yeah. She's like, oh, alright, I'm the boss, am I? So she gets a bit like bossy. Yeah. And the others are not having it. They're like, oh my god, like who made who made Cardi the boss? And the guests haven't even arrived yet. No. Uh Locky is over it. He goes, look, just give him a condom and a dental dam on entry and tell them to get fucked. Yeah. And they do. Sounds like a grade. Speaking of, we need to discuss the shot of the condom. Yes. During Manaki's route with Anthony. Were you not? Like, did you not gay gasp? I was like, I know. What is that?

SPEAKER_02

Yes. I was, yeah. But have prep in Queensland. It's probably also just, I felt it was just a producing thing to be like, oh, safe sex, safe sex. The straights never get that. No.

SPEAKER_03

I was really like, oh, okay. Yeah. So who's producing this? Yes. Yeah. Should have shown a bottle of cravada. It should have been just a little prescription. Maybe some doxy. Yeah, doxy. Yeah. That would have been more realistic. Yeah. But look, power to you.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. But you're very, very interesting. They haven't done that with the straight people, have they? No, they haven't.

SPEAKER_03

But Anthony was giving condoms only as a grinder tag. I don't know. Yeah. Except nude picks. Never. You know who you are. The guests arrive. Um hot, I guess. So we meet them. The first one is Mad Dog.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god. I'm actually surprised she's not a full-time contestant. Because I'm like, she is.

SPEAKER_03

Dog is correct.

SPEAKER_02

Like. Like, she is, she is, she's rough as guts.

SPEAKER_03

She rocked up on the screen and I went, woof woof.

SPEAKER_02

I don't.

SPEAKER_03

She goes, I'm motherfucking maddie, mad motherfucking mad dog, and I'm here to get fucked up. And I was like, yeah, you you've auditioned. Do you think it was just people that have auditioned? Oh sure. And they're like, we'll trial you out.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Then we meet Simo. Yep. Hot, but like, if this was a competition for screen time, he lo loses.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Bonnie, very hot. Very hot. And she knows how to get screen time. And Tino.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Also hot and also knows how to get screen time. So I think Simo. Mad Dog got a little bit. I think Simo was like who?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I forgot who they were. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03

Simo was the like mullet and mo, which Bonnie spam promo. Speaking of, Bonnie goes, My type is a mullet and a moe.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

And I was like, girl same.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

But I love that.

SPEAKER_02

But Lily, she goes right in for that.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Lily's like, excuse me.

SPEAKER_02

Sorry, what?

SPEAKER_03

Who's this bit? And Bonnie is hot. Like she's gorgeous. Like, yeah, yeah. If Bonnie rocked up and started going after my man.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03

I'd be like, nah. See if it was mad dog.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I'd be like, sure. Go for girls. Which happens. This causes a stir. Lily's bricking it. Uh Manaki's like, let's all get fat up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I feel like he's always the one to say that as well as the colour. Yeah, he's there as the the party side.

SPEAKER_03

Now that we don't have Kyle, but he's coming back.

SPEAKER_02

And King Kong's gonna do what King Kong's gonna do.

SPEAKER_03

And yes, he might be family, but Bonnie's not family, so she can get fucked. That's yeah. Probably why they put these people in, because they need some newbies.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I think so because they're all not really fucking each other. No, to be honest. Like it's because the fucking non- It's really quite tame in terms of the fucking this season that I'm like, yeah, they need to started strong.

SPEAKER_03

It started strong, but they definitely needed to bring in somebody because that shag pad really wasn't getting no Jada straight in for Tino.

SPEAKER_02

Finally, Jada.

SPEAKER_03

She's like, uh uh, so so good. Lily wants Bunny dead. Dead. Um Jada and Tino make out straight away and it's quite hot.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. Jada's ready to fuck like she tips her out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

She's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

Uh Manaki just has a little nap on the floor. Well, there's nothing for him. There's nothing for him. Maybe they could only find Anthony and then to sign the waiver.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and then yeah, because he's got nothing to do.

SPEAKER_03

He's got no one to poke, so it's like then the conversation turns to Tino's cock, which San Fran confirms is massive.

SPEAKER_02

Is humongous, yes.

SPEAKER_03

And then oh my god, this scene where they're like talking about Australian meat at the barbecue. They're like, um, so what's like meat? Is it beef?

SPEAKER_02

Well, New Zealand's actually got the best quality beef in the world. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03

That's the bit where I'm like, yeah, yeah, I couldn't spend a minute with these.

SPEAKER_02

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03

But they're pretty to look at. They are pretty to look at.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

Uh it's barbecue time. Great. Great. Um Cardia tells us how good she is at being a chief stew, and everyone's like, okay. Alright. Thank you, Kachin. Then she just like puts a sausage in Bonnie's mouth, like a kind of deep throat situation, like a kind of classy. Yeah, so food entertainment. Tick-tick. Yeah, done. See, Charlotte, they know what they're doing. Uh, Cardia's like, I'll do fucking anything for the guests, even if it means put me on the spirro. These are some of these lines, like, I write these down, there's no time. I'm like, that was actually said on the show.

SPEAKER_02

It was actually said on the show.

SPEAKER_03

Sometimes I, you know, add a bit of flair. Yeah, but I don't need to do that for this video.

SPEAKER_02

Very exactly what you are hearing now, is how they speak.

SPEAKER_03

Literally, I'm not even in mouth.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_03

If anything, I'm making it like dull.

SPEAKER_02

I know because the white the delivery in all these lines as well. It's so good. It's so good.

SPEAKER_03

And I haven't got the tits for it. So uh Monarchy's over it, but is forced to play a game called Rage Cage. Yes. This was cute because then he tells us, I've just made this up. This is not really good. Uh and basically the game is what, like them just doing shots.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I thought it was like a beer pong thing, yeah. It was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You were fucking insane. Then they do the balloon pop, like the fucking game.

SPEAKER_02

Which, yep, standard.

SPEAKER_03

Yep, yep, yep. Um Lily wants to kill Mad Dog now as well. Add mad dog to the hit list because she's also getting a little bit into San Fran. Who doesn't want a piece of San Fran? Exactly. Just planning to go route, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But nope belongs to Lily, apparently.

SPEAKER_03

Uh Con does an Uti run, which was hot. Yeah, no, I was appreciated that was a beautiful man.

SPEAKER_02

But also covered the genitals and even if he hadn't, would have been blurred.

SPEAKER_03

Boring.

SPEAKER_02

Change it.

SPEAKER_03

Uh then we get Monarchy and Lockie have a patch in the pool. Two seconds, that was hot.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I've I've I looked up Monarchy's Instagram, and this seems to be happening quite a bit. Uh-huh. Lockie just likes to give him a little cheeky.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, Loki did say at the start, he's like, look, my mum's a lesbian, my sister's a lesbian, we all fucking love puss. Yeah. But sometimes I will make out boys for attention. I was like, I know your type.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. He's done more than that. You reckon? I think so.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, maybe not.

SPEAKER_02

You don't think so? Not even a cheeky beach.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, he's hoping, but maybe it is happening in the house.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe next week.

SPEAKER_03

Monarchy, can you care to consider? Stranger things have happened. Con and Bonnie are then dead to kiss. Uh which Lily thrilled her. Lily pushing them together in the park. I know.

SPEAKER_02

She's like, it's on. We're doing it.

SPEAKER_03

You guys look so cute together. You're so cute.

SPEAKER_02

She couldn't care less. She just doesn't want.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Then Mad Dog gets a smooch with San Fran. And Lily's like, I'm gonna fucking kill this bitch. She turns into like YOLO. Remember like the YOLO video? Yeah, I'm gonna fucking kill that. Can't she like full bog ray?

SPEAKER_02

Like she just, yeah, she's full bog and rage, isn't she? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um, and then this was my favourite scene of the episode. It's Lily and Mad Dog at the kitchen counter. And Lily goes, so how's Sam Fran? Like leading Fantastic Leading Mad Dog to be like, yeah, he's fucking hot. And he's like, Yeah, he is pretty fucking hot. So you know that like we've kind of been like fucking, yeah. Did you know that?

SPEAKER_02

Like yeah, oh you didn't like this bitch. Like this Mad Dog's been in the house for about 20 minutes. Like, I'm surprised. Like Lily, knowing how she would react, she should have just created like a a document that put down the rules of who you could and who you should have been on the fuck waiver.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, exactly. She just changes it to Sam Fran's out of bounds.

SPEAKER_02

Out of bounds.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Uh then she goes, Well, you know, guess you're just gonna fucking do what you're gonna fucking do, isn't it? Mad Dog, and Mad Dog's like, yeah, guess I am. She goes, Let's shake on it. And I'm like, You're a terrorist. She's literally there being like, may the best woman win.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Just absolute crazy. Absolute revolting rage. It's fantastic.

SPEAKER_03

Mad Dog's not intimidated by Lily. Not at all.

SPEAKER_02

She's like, she's like, bring it on. Cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

She's like, I don't fucking care. Uh Cardia wants to fuck Lockie. Because he doesn't. She's only human.

SPEAKER_02

She's only human.

SPEAKER_03

Uh he's like, I wanna fuck you, but I just don't want to hurt you.

SPEAKER_02

Lockie.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. Is that I think we need a heterosexual here to explain this behaviour because I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_02

No. Well, I think the thing is that like cardiac caught feelings for con last year. But the Lily and all that.

SPEAKER_03

The penetration of it all is what I mean. Like, so they've done everything but I'm assuming. Yeah. And they've got this big thing about pen. Yeah. I'm like, who cares?

SPEAKER_02

I know.

SPEAKER_03

In my eyes, you've already fucked it. Yeah, exactly. Do you know what I mean? What's the difference if there's pen or no pen? Exactly. Write in if you're a heterosexual.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, tell us.

SPEAKER_03

Because in our world, I don't know. I know. It's like you do we're doing stuff.

SPEAKER_02

We're doing stuff.

SPEAKER_03

And like there's, you know. It's not always pen. It's not always pen. Sometimes it's crazier than pen.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

But at the end of the day, I don't know. Yeah. It's not the villain of it.

SPEAKER_02

They put this huge emphasis on this one act, and it's like, even though, you know, you've blown him the night before.

SPEAKER_03

Is he like once it's done, it's done, and then then it's they're gonna be over. Like the tension's gone.

SPEAKER_02

That's what I think it is because and obviously he knows about her and con and all that thing. I think there's as much as this is kind of like we just want to fuck everyone, it's also built around the fact that they want to catch feelings and they want the contestants to catch feelings and stuff, and that's what's happening, I guess.

SPEAKER_03

And also Nonna.

SPEAKER_02

I know Nonna. We can't forget Nonna. We can't forget Nonna.

SPEAKER_03

Cardi Cardi needs time to heal.

SPEAKER_02

She needs time to heal be with family. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Fuck. Uh then they have a three-way kiss with Marky, and I was like, oh my god, that took me right back to high school. Do you remember three way, three ways?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That was so the gay boy at high school being like who wants to three-way?

SPEAKER_02

I know.

SPEAKER_03

That was me. Yeah, absolutely. So many fucking three-way kisses. So good. Uh Connie's in a dilemma. He's like, I want to fuck. Yeah. Uh but I don't know if you're not going to be able to do one wants to get it on. Yep. Yep. Finally. He goes, I guess we'll do the shag pad. Um is hot. They play this like game next. Was it like two positives and two negatives or something about each other? Yeah. And then for whatever it was boring. But then it went south when Cardia takes that as an opportunity to go hard on Lockie. Yeah. Um she's like, you care more about your reputation than me. And I'm like fair. But also, I don't know, you can't. I'm Cardia because if someone said, like, I don't want to fuck you, and I wanted to fuck them, I'd be mad too. Yeah. You know. Yeah. But I don't know. Like it, you know, it goes both ways. It does. And if you, you know, you gotta respect that. I don't know. I I I think this again, I think this is a gendered argument. Isn't it? I think it's like if a man went, oh, you're a dumb bitch because you didn't put out, everyone would be like, he's a prick. But she does exactly the same thing. Yeah. And we're all supposed to be like, oh poor Cardi. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I'm a bit like hey, you can't force This feels like, as you said, like a very hetero way of normative. And it's just, yeah, I'm not grasping the I'm learning so much. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Like I just But in a different way from like when I watch Mavs and I learn about how like boring basic people live. This is like learning how like fun, slutty people live.

SPEAKER_02

But also how even the fun slutty ones can't help catch and feelings. It comes for us all.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. What's her name on Drag Race? Cat Catron feelings. Catron feelings.

SPEAKER_02

They can't help Catron feelings.

SPEAKER_03

Catron feelings. Good luck to you, doll. Uh anyway, now, but uh and that's all it takes. Say, girl, you fucked it up. Now he's off you. Yeah, dull.

SPEAKER_02

So I'm like, whoops, girl. I think I still think they will.

SPEAKER_03

100%. Yeah. Uh Lily and Sanfran hop in the hammock.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. Have a little swing.

SPEAKER_03

She's like, I've got you. It's like a spider web. Exactly. Isn't it? She's lured him in. She's like, oh my god, there's some crypto over there. Quick in the hammock. Quick. Get that thick trady dick in the hammock. Oh god. What I would give. Yeah, it's a lot of that in this show, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god. Unblurring.

SPEAKER_03

Unblur! Release the tapes. Lily comes clean. She's like, look, I am in fact a crazy jealous bitch. Yep. And he's like, no shit. She goes, I love this. She goes, look, my rules are if you fuck my pussy, you can't fuck any other pussy. Or if you do, then it's done. Was that in the waiver?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, is that in the waiver?

SPEAKER_01

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_02

But that's also like from the very offset when she joins the show, she's like, I just want to fuck everyone. And then but no.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. No. Look blessed, because she's carrying the storyline at the moment.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely. And she's great TV.

SPEAKER_03

And she's gorgeous. But doesn't she know it?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

What the fuck? Meanwhile, in the hot tub, Jada and Tino are pretty much fucking this was what made the episode for me.

SPEAKER_02

This whole last 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_03

Tidal waves.

SPEAKER_02

And the boobs were popping out like fabulous. They were flotation devices.

SPEAKER_03

And everyone's just watching, being like, woo!

SPEAKER_02

I know. And Kathy's there going, ah yeah!

SPEAKER_03

Then they run off to the slut heart.

SPEAKER_02

Um it's brilliant. Amazing. Brilliant.

SPEAKER_03

She's so Jada is just heaven. So she's like mic'd. And they've just fucked.

SPEAKER_01

She's like, oh my god. That fucking thing is.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not gonna be able to walk for a week.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my god, yeah. I'm not gonna be able to walk. So good.

SPEAKER_03

So she got that, she hopped on that big fucking well done, girl. Um then everyone turns in for the night. Con and Bonnie fuck in the show pad. Hot. I'm so glad to see Confuck.

SPEAKER_02

We forgot to mention that Katya almost stopped the hookup because she was on her Queen B I'm in Charge. Yes. And tried to make Jada clean up in the middle of fucking she she was on her chief stew. Which was incredible, but it didn't kill the vibe entirely. What a relief. Because we got that hot scene.

SPEAKER_03

I'm very pleased with how this episode ended. We got newbies, we got fucking yeah. And yeah, the episode ends with Con asking, Oh, did you come? And she goes, No.

SPEAKER_02

No, Con! Of course she didn't. Of course she didn't. And I'm obsessed with the fact that like every time it shows him in these sexual situations, he's a complete dud.

SPEAKER_03

I know. And I feel it as well. He's overthinking it. Yeah. But like that's right, he couldn't get it. Up he couldn't get it up last time, but that was cute.

SPEAKER_02

That was I'm into all of that, and also like we all fail at sex sometimes, it's just life.

SPEAKER_03

He's still like so sweet and gorgeous. Yeah, and it's King Con. It's a a needed relief from the like I don't know, the more sort of Anglo boys on the show that are really just like I'm here to fuck and blah but it's nice having like a good Greek boy, yeah, and I just be very nice.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he's got charm about him, even though it's you know it's not the your standard form of charm. But he's he knows how to talk, he knows how to interact with people. Whereas I feel like, as you said, a lot of the other boys, it's like I couldn't spend two minutes with you unless you were naked and you were doing stuff, and also it's smart to just like screw one of the ring-ins rather than a cast member because then you know there's gonna be drama. So well played, well played gentleman, yeah, but he's still getting some.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. He's the queen of the week, I reckon.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, Jada as well, and Jada.

SPEAKER_03

Oh Jada's Queen of every episode the queen. Ugh. Uh, hopes and predictions for the rest of the season.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I need more Monarchy guy.

SPEAKER_03

I need Well, so Kyle comes back next week, and it looks like they have a passion.

SPEAKER_02

And I've saw the little preview, and it's like they set it up that Monarchy can't stand him. Yeah, he's like, Oh, I hate that. But then he's like, No, he's hot. So I'm like, what's going on here? Also just random that Kyle comes back six episodes in.

SPEAKER_03

Like Well, remember in the first week he was like, I'm in need to stay in Brisbane. I've got some really important really important business to attend to.

SPEAKER_02

Doing some influencing or something, yeah. Yeah, maybe he got a gig. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know, maybe he was filming some form of celebrity, some the traitors. I don't fucking know. But yeah, I I welcome his return because from memory, he was fun and messy.

SPEAKER_02

He was fun and messy, yeah, and he also gave us like he instigated our only gay moment that boy, what a moment. What a moment.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, you know, and so I wonder what um snack item is gonna be being eaten on the top bunk during their PJ this week. And he's left us the one that was eating the snack.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, Cooper, yeah, but no, he was done. He had enough. He's he's shacked up now. And that's the thing, it's funny, like, even when like Lexi shacked up, but a shacked up lesbian is very much different than a shacked up straight man on this show. Lesbians, they're all shacked up, dogs well exactly, but she's still bringing it.

SPEAKER_03

She is, but I do I did like last season Lexi more because she was fucking. Do you think she's gonna do some dirty? That's my You think so? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Or do you reckon they'll fly the girlfriend over? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, that's the thing. I feel like now that we've got more of this queer energy in the house, let's use it. Yeah. Let's bring in bring it a bit more, especially if like if there is another season. Yep, God forbid.

SPEAKER_03

And it is just gay energy, because there is no such thing as being bisexual.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. Yeah, because of yep, that's erased for both of them. Not gay, not blessed.

SPEAKER_03

And on that note, um, Christian, thank you so much for joining me this week. I hate that I love this show, but watch it. I know. If you're not watching it, get over yourself. Get over yourself and watch. I'll see you soon, doll. Bye, doll.

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